Wednesday, 6 June 2012

Top 20 Tips for Men Dealing With PMDD

Another re blogged article from Liana, over at livingonaprayerwithpmdd.blogspot.co.uk/

Here she has written a handy 20 point list with tips to help you deal with a loved on with PMDD.  If you missed her last guest post with more advice for men, you can find it here  http://meetmypmdd.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/pmdd-advice-for-men-by-liana.html
Top 20 Tips for Men Dealing With PMDD by Liana 
 
Unfortunately, my research has uncovered a complete lack of serious information for men on the subject of PMDD, so here it is, short and sweet, a list of the top 20 things you can do for your partner with PMDD.

1. Believe her. When she tells you what she’s experiencing, believe her. Even if it doesn't make sense. Because PMDD doesn't make sense. The symptoms are as unique and individual as the woman having them.

2. Do not tease her. Do not make fun of her, as this is a serious and often debilitating condition.
  
3. Chart her symptoms daily, either together or on your own. If she refuses to admit there's a problem, then do it on your own so that you can be prepared for when the storm hits. 
  
4. Consult your chart when considering social events, activities, or vacations and such. Surprises and big decisions come under this heading, too. 
  
5. Learn as much information as you can about PMDD from reliable resources. If they have a product to sell you, any type of product, proceed with caution.

6. Understand that if it is not treated, her PMDD will only get worse. It could end up as major depressive disorder.

7. Help her to find a doctor who will listen to her and help her. This may take a few tries.

8. Don’t let her negative thoughts and feelings get the better of her—or you. If she shares them with you, gently remind her it’s the PMDD talking, not her, and postpone any major discussions/decision making for a few days.

9. Be supportive and encouraging as she tries different things to feel better. Make a note of what works and what doesn’t. Share this with her doctor.

10. Help her to get enough rest. Sleep is when our bodies re-regulate themselves. If we don’t have enough (sleep) time to do the work needed, we start the day at a disadvantage. 
11. Join her for moderate exercise. Exercise is always more fun with a friend. 
  
12. Encourage her to eat healthy. (Avoid alcohol, caffeine, sugar, sugar substitutes, anything made with high fructose corn syrup, and white rice and flour, for starters.) 
  
13. Buy her some high quality dark chocolate. Keep it on hand for the dark days. 
  
14. Do what you can to keep stressful situations to a minimum. PMDD feeds on stress. 
  
15. Do not accept any behavior that is abusive. Ever.
  
16. Do not return such behavior if it happens. Calmly walk away and resume your conversation when she is more in control of herself. 
  
17. Remember that she literally is not herself during an episode of PMDD. Try not to hold the things she says and does against her. It’s not personal, and it’s not about you. 
  
18. Be as comforting as she will allow you to. If she won’t let you near her, let her know you will be nearby if she needs you. 
  
19. Don’t expect her to be full of sunshine and laughter when she’s not having a PMDD episode. A healthy, balanced, and emotionally well-rounded woman feels every emotion--not just the good ones.
  
20. Last, but not least: Do not blame every time she becomes irritated, annoyed, angry, afraid, or upset on her PMDD. Nothing is more irritating than having a genuine concern or grievance, and being told, “It’s your PMDD again, isn’t it?”

Maybe it is, and maybe it isn’t. Take the time to check her chart to see if she’s supposed to be having an episode, and then carefully sort through (usually by talking it out) and separate what is her PMDD and what is a genuine fear or concern on her part. Encourage her to feel and express the full range of emotions, just like people without PMDD do.

More than anything, a PMDD woman just wants to feel normal. These 20 tips will go a long way toward helping your partner do just that.

By Liana http://livingonaprayerwithpmdd.blogspot.co.uk/

24 comments:

Chasing Solitude said...

Here's a question: when my girl is acting irrational and I know for a fact it is due to PMDD - how can I end the conversation/argument without upsetting her further? I've tried "sweetheart you're being irrational, let's talk in a few days" and that backfires. I've also tried "I understand" and dropping it - but this backfires too. Pretty much anything I say or do during PMDD week backfires. I love this woman but need to know how to get through to her during the hard times.

soldierboy said...

I agree with C.S. It doesn't matter how great I am or which advice I follow, my wife hones in on the one thing she sees as wrong or that she dislikes and attacks. If I give space and time, I'm "giving the silent treatment." If I talk, I'm lecturing. If I hug her, she wants space, while if I don't hug her, she needs a hug and is upset I didn't know. This is the least fair experience of my life. I feel like many women place a great burden on the husbands of PMDD affected ladies. I love my wife, I think she is wonderful, but there is absolutely no excuse or reason to be so downright mean. I am supposed to treat her like she is the same girl every day, even when the effects of PMDD are obvious, but I struggle to believe that someone who loves me so much can treat me so awfully.

Leena said...

I'm new to realizing I have PMDD. My husban has developed depression and diabetes in the past two years. Before my PMDD diagnosis, there are so many ways that my husband would verbally rip me apart or ignore us all when he came home from work as he locked himself in our room to sleep. I hate all of those moments and they ate especially trying on my bad PMDD days. I like you with your wives, I have felt it is not acceptable to be treated do wrong. But once I accepted my husband's diagnosis I could started separating depressed DH from normal DH. I am more able to tell myself he needs the space and I just have to be strong for the next hour or so, or take a deep breathe as he wields his irrational anger. I usually let him know his actions ate not OK then give him a cool down period where he comes back to talk and apologize. He is learning to do the same for me in my PMDD moments. Although, he called his disorder Pre'man'strual DD the other day and I wasn't sure what I thought about that!

michaeljb said...

No matter WHAT I try to do to difuse the situation, she has a come-back for it. It is un-bearable, and un-livable.

Here is some REAL advice for men to save their sanity. LEAVE the situation! PMDD does NOT get better even with soke meds and help! You might get shunned by people for being "so shallow of a man to leave a woman over PMDD" but, you will quickly see how happy you arr without 14 days of relentless accusations of not doing anything, or being the cause of all of her life's problems ect.

Some of the things said by her during her PMDD T.O.M. rants are mean, harful and outright shitty to say the least. And you CANNOT even try to hint that her problems begin with PMS or PMDD (even though THEY get to use it as an excuse) because that makes you a P.O.S.

Well I am tired of it. It us mental-abuse and no different than if a man is beating a woman in my p.o.v.

So leave, save yourself and find happiness elsewhere because, life is too short to live misserably.

Kerry Cable said...

So every woman with pmdd deserves to spend their life alone then michealjb? Is that what you are saying?

Noelle Noir said...

Well Michaeljb, aren't you a ray of sunshine? If you're too emotionally weak to support a woman going through hard times, how will it be when one of your loved ones loses someone? Or gets ill? Or becomes depressed? You will just walk away from them? How awfully selfish. You are a horrible spineless little man. It's no wonder your wife didn't like you.

Christopher Grant said...

Well someone needs to help us. I am a good man, undeserving of this treatment. I've been by her side through all of this and still I'm living in hell and treated horribly. I just want help and support fur me add I give my all to help and support her.

Christopher Grant said...

Well someone needs to help us. I am a good man, undeserving of this treatment. I've been by her side through all of this and still I'm living in hell and treated horribly. I just want help and support fur me add I give my all to help and support her.

hector barrios said...

it is a very difficult situation , in both her and his position, she has no control over the situation doesn't know how much she is hurting with just simple words, in my case she actually gets fisical, she cracked a glass on my head sending me to the hospital , and without feeling sorry, saying it was my fault, let me drive myself with my head full of blood. I understand that we have to be supportive , and I swear I'm trying really hard, the ones that suffer the most are my daughters , they see what happens and get angry, I ask them to please ignore the situation and go to your room, I try to avoid them seeing her that way, if there is a support group out there please let me know, I can definitely use it.

Derek said...

Good luck guys. It is hell on earth for about half the time we are alive... So damn hard not to leave. I wish I could take the kids to a hotel during this time, but that would never fly. Hard to know where to go or what to do!

Derek said...

We have known about this for a few years and it seems to be getting worse as time moves frwd. My kids are starting to see the animal that gets unleashed and I worry for them so much... I just want her to have a hobby, leave as often as possible, just generally stay away from us. No fun to be around. I wish you all luck putting up with the abuse that this brings us. Very frustrating to say the least!

Derek said...

We have known about this for a few years and it seems to be getting worse as time moves frwd. My kids are starting to see the animal that gets unleashed and I worry for them so much... I just want her to have a hobby, leave as often as possible, just generally stay away from us. No fun to be around. I wish you all luck putting up with the abuse that this brings us. Very frustrating to say the least!

Derek said...

Good luck guys. It is hell on earth for about half the time we are alive... So damn hard not to leave. I wish I could take the kids to a hotel during this time, but that would never fly. Hard to know where to go or what to do!

Unknown said...

I completely disagree with this. I am dating a girl with PMDD. She is my first girlfriend she is 19 I am 22. On top of herror having PMDD she goes to school 5 hours away and had the stress of that and being a D1 athlete on top of PMDD. She loves me and even though I have to give forth extra effort it is all worth it. It takes a special and genuine man to get through a PMDD episode for his woman. You just don't seem like that type of man.

Unknown said...

I don't know what to do. I think my wife's PMDD is making my step daughter mentally ill. She has been hospitalized numerous times as she willingly accepts everything my wife says as true. I am watching my family destroyed. And yes. .trying to talk through it or suggesting another time to talk both don't work.

Melanie Cannavo said...

Hi I am ( was ) a pmdd sufferer for 20 odd years....I was like this to my partner...whilst pmdding a man can do NO right. I believe pmdd is progesterone intolerance ( infact I know) Because now I am cured. Over the years I had tried every thing from antidepressants to sprays to attempt to shut my ovaries down. All failed but the spray to shut my ovaries down but the problem was I had to then take HRT ....oestrogen was not the problem....the progesterone however......BOOM!!! Each time I took this I went crazy...paranoia delusions depression rage...glands swelling ,migraines .....I was in hell. My specialist worked out I was severely progesterone intolerant and had PMDD severe. My only answer was to stop ALL progesterone in my body. You need progesterone if you have a womb.
I am now PMDD free after a full hysterectomy !! Harsh yes....but I wouldn't change a thing. I could no longer live with PMDD is had gotten worse with time..as it does...and it also gets worse with each child you bear ( i have 3 ) My partner ......the easiest way I can put it is I was slowly killing him.
Avoid the pill....
No hormone test shows PMDD
You need to find a specialist that knows his stuff. I saw Doctor Panay in London ....It has been a long road and obviously I am left with some damage as I lived my life in a zone of madness and hell. But now I am free...no more mood swings,,migraines,aches,pains ,depression,rage ....the day I had my surgery my glands disappeared ( my body attempting to push out my own progesterone.)
If any one needs my help pls pls do not hesitate to ask ...my email is Cannavo@hotmail.co.uk YOU ARE NOT ALONE ....

hector barrios said...

Melanie thank you for this information every little bit helps to do what you did for your husband and your sanity that is incredible I take my hat off for you a lot of women don't understand what we have to go thru and it's not to throw pity on us men I do love my wife I wish we didn't have to go through some of the arguments that we have so I will definitely take in consideration what do you had said and obviously talk to her about it when she's call

Steve said...

Amen brotha! I try to help my wife as much as possible, it seems like the pmdd never ends! I'm a good guy, and good guys don't deserve this. No matter how hard i try, i can't do nothing right

Steve said...

Amen brotha! I try to help my wife as much as possible, it seems like the pmdd never ends! I'm a good guy, and good guys don't deserve this. No matter how hard i try, i can't do nothing right

hector barrios said...

Hey Steve ur absolutly right im sure ur a good guy but we have to realize that this a illness they have, not something that an asprin can xure, we need to somehow make then understand with out getting them mad that they need medical professional help, it just dosent go away, that is the big step letting them want to help themselves so we can have a lasting eelationship .

Julianna Thompson said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
iagith69 said...

Because it's not her. When your hormones are messed up and your brain isn't working you feel anger and you have no control over your mind. It's horrible, be happy you don't have to be the one with PMDD, just help her by being nice regardless of what she says.

iagith69 said...

Wow, shallow is right.

Mix said...

If your man is pushing you away and acting distant

Or if the guy you’re after isn’t giving you the time of day...

Then it’s time to pull out all the stops.

Because 99% of the time, there is only 1 thing you can say to a standoffish guy that will grab him by the heartstrings-

And get his blood pumping at just the thought of you.

Insert subject line here and link it to: Your ex won’t be able to resist?

Once you say this to him, or even send this simple phrase in a text message...

It will flip his world upside down and you will suddenly find him chasing you-

And even begging to be with you.

Here’s what I’m talking about:

Insert subject line here and link it to: Is your man hiding something? He may need your help?

Thanks again.











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