Wednesday, 1 August 2012

New PMDD art...

It's day 4.  I've got a week without my kids.  I get ONE week a year without them, and it's my down time...  I've spent hours dreaming about nothing in particular over the past 4 days.  Someone I know recently called it 'silent staring'.  I've barely seen another living soul during the day.  I've hardly left the house.  Dreams of painting, drawing, shopping, trips out have all gone out the window.  I feel like I've wasted the time.

Damn.  I still have so much to conquer.  Normally I would retreat, withdraw, but not having the kids about is a massive change.  I can't settle, I'm not used to it, I feel lost.  So rather than use this time  to indulge, I've done nothing.  I've rested I suppose, but I still find it hard to rest when there feels like so little time to get things done.  If this had been next week, I would have had energy.  The decorating jobs may have got done, I would have been productive,  I would have been social but this week there has been no energy.

Today, I forced myself to sit with a piece of paper.  I know it will do me good if I get something drawn.  At least I would feel like I achieved something this week (other than holding it together during important yet stressful phone calls, of which there have been a few)  I've been feeling so frustrated with myself, so annoyed and stressed...  To avoid a potential disaster, I knew I had to do something.

I had no idea what I was going to draw.  I just drew a circle and picked up a pencil.  I used ink pencils, fine liners and a sharpie, water and a brush.  I didn't overly like what I was doing, but I stuck with it.  I don't really know what to say about it, so I'll let it speak for itself.  At least I did achieve something today.

Day 4 by Cat Hawkins
It's full moon this evening too, which never seems to help my mood.  It is also the festival of Lughnasadh, the first harvest, so there are lots of powerful energies going on.  I am hoping for a better day tomorrow and a weekend away under canvas and the stars.
Recharge and relax... properly.

1 comment:

KenyaDoll said...

A full moon never helps my mood as well. I am an artist and a writer. I am going to try the mandula (sp?) art.

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