Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Are you ready for Christmas?


What part of your cycle will you be in over the Christmas break?

I'm feeling blessed as I am currently on day 4, so in 6 days time, I'll be hitting ovulation and will hopefully be able to enjoy the festivities without lack of energy getting in the way.  I do feel like I've lost a load of time this week having to retreat and rest, so I am slightly anxious at the moment. I'm not a party person, but I do like being able to enjoy the company of others without PMDD stresses getting in the way!  What I will have to watch however are my frustrations and anxiety, as ovulation can so easily tip from energy and excitement into anxiety and anger.

Where will you be in 6 days time?

'Cycle' scopes for Christmas 2012!

Days 1-7 - Menstruation
If you are due to bleed just before or on Christmas/Boxing day then try to get things organised while you are still pre-menstrual.  During menstruation we need quiet time and to relax and rest.   This may be difficult with Christmas arrangements.  Hopefully, if you were aware that your sacred time was due to fall at such a busy time, you may have been able to plan ahead. Maybe saying no to invites out to social situations that would be too much for you at this time.  If staying at home with the family can mean just as much stress, then be open.   Make sure you partner knows that you will be in a retreat time of the month and you may need to rest.. EVEN if it's Christmas.. PMDD does not know it's Christmas!  If you don't feel like cooking, then maybe taking Mum up on the invite might actually be better and relieve some pressure.  Call on others to help, and if you need to rest and take some quiet time out then make sure loved ones know that it's just because you need it to stay well, and not because they have done something to upset you.  If you can muster up enough energy to visit family then maybe limit the time you are there. Sometimes getting out, even though we feel terrible can actually help.  Go easy on yourself, and remember a walk outside can help with pain and stress.. Menstruation relates to winter, so at Christmas you have a 'double dose' of winter as it were.  You may find yourself deep in reflection of the past year and considering what 2013 may bring.  It may be difficult to get through, but when you do you'll be over the worst ready for the bright shiny new year!


Days 7-14 - Pre Ovulation
If you are due to be in the pre ovulation stage of your cycle, Christmas may feel a bit too much.   You may find it hard to get into the swing of things, especially if you have just finished bleeding and the last week before Christmas was a crazy panic as you had tons to do but no energy to do them in. You may feel the energy coming back and with it a sense of optimism and happiness, and excitement about Christmas.   Don't let anything you forgot to do, or couldn't get done in time cause you stress.  It's ONE day.   Nothing is ever perfect and remember that all those rosy images you see plastered over the TV screens and adverts are just that.. fantasy.  You may experience anxiety, with the rushing of energy back into your being, but just take some breaths and remember that everything is OK.   You may decide YOUR party time this year is over new year's eve, when you will be ovulating. You also might hit the sales to find the perfect present for yourself!  You'll reach new year wanting to manifest new things with ovulation.   Ovulation has an energy similar to spring, with new life returning to the earth.  You may want to start looking at some new years resolutions over Christmas, plant the seed.  It will be easier to bring into fruition in January.


Day 14-21 - Ovulation
Ovulation over the Christmas period may mean you are feeling good and ready for the festive season. Pre ovulation may have seen you preparing and organising for Christmas.   The rush in energy may have seen you rushing around buying and making last minute presents.  You're spirits may be high and you may be feeling good about any social events you have planned.  The energy is social and busy, it relates to Summer.   Many women have a challenging time with ovulation, the pressure to be 'out there' for some personalities is too much.   The worry about how we look and appear to the world. Some ladies like make up and getting dressed up, some don't.  Which ever category you are in, be YOU.  If you have a fancy party to go to but hate getting dressed up, and therefore that is causing anxiety, then just go in something you like. Bend the rules and find something smart but casual.. it's Christmas!  If you don't want to go, and going will create a disasterous situation then don't go, but don't beat yourself up about it for the rest of the holidays.  Beware of ovulation anger and frustration. With everyone being home at Christmas we can easily become angered and irritated by people, especially those close.   Usually it's because there is something we want to do, but we are not being allowed, or for some reason it can't happen.  This is a good time to practice letting things go and re focusing on the things we CAN do.  Acknowledge that we are upset and why, then move on..  As we tip over into pre menstruation, we will experience fluctuating symptoms and our mood can drop. Remember that as much as we will the bad days to pass, we should try and make the most of the better days too.  New year may feel a bit of a drag to you, so try to have a good Christmas, the cycle is working with you here, so there is every possibility you could have a REALLY good Christmas!


Days 21-28 - Pre Menstruation
If you will be due on your period at Christmas then you may find it all a bit of a struggle.
The pre menstrual time brings an energy of slowing down and withdrawing, the opposite of what Christmas is all about.  Pre menstruation relates to autumn, and to me that means unsettled weather. Some beautiful bonus sunny days and some right 'orrible ones.  So do what you can.  Ask others to help.  Try and keep Christmas simple and relaxed.  It's a bit late now to pull out of plans that might have been made, but if you really feel you cannot go to something, remember to try and explain things in a calm way, and that it's no ones fault! THIS is when you need to delegate and organise.  Ovulation the week before Christmas may have meant you've had some fun spending and organising presents.  You may have felt full of hope and happiness, but as the wheel turns and you get closer to the big day, you may feel your spirits dropping and your energy flagging. Remember this is not your fault, it just is the way things ebb and flow.   Make sure loved ones know you are due on and might be cranky (or that they need to be on crisis alert).  This also means that you will be bringing in the new year with your bleed.   Not the greatest scenario, but one that can't be helped.  The new year is a time of contemplation, reflection and thoughts to the future.   You can use your sacred time over new year to really look at 2012 and what you have learned, how far you have come and what you want for 2013.


Make sure YOU take the steps you need to to get through the season.  We can explain things to others and in turn they can help, but if you don't let others know, your moods and actions can be taken in the wrong way.  Running up to bed on Christmas day may seem rude or selfish, but not if you've explained.  An hour or two in bed may mean you have a happier evening, rather than end up snapping at the kids or your partner.  You have to look after your own needs, and put things in place so that you avoid as much stress as possible.

Christmas can be a really challenging time for many, whether you have PMDD or not, so try and prepare a little.  One of the good things about PMDD is it is usually quite predictable, so we can look a week or two ahead and get an idea of where we will be in our cycle.

I hope this little blog helps, and I hope that your Christmas passes without any form of crisis.

If you do find yourself alone and in a dark place, please don't hesitate to contact someone.   If there are no friends or family you can call on then make note of your local helpline numbers. Don't suffer alone.  If you are a member of mine or any other support groups, remember you can always post in there, even if it's quieter at this time of year, someone will respond, and sometimes support comes from unlikely places.

Sending much love and many Yuletide blessings!
Cat xx 

Support lines in the UK

Samaritans - 08457 90 90 90 (24-hour helpline)
Confidential support for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair.
Website: www.samaritans.org.uk

Sane - 0845 767 8000 (daily, 6pm-11pm)
Charity offering support and carrying out research into mental illness.
Website: www.sane.org.uk



Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Happy Birthday!

PMDD Support is 2 years old today! Happy Birthday!

I clicked the create button two years ago on a group (PMDD Support) I was hoping would introduce me and allow me to talk to other PMDD sufferers. A few months later we went up to two grou
ps (PMDD Support 2). Then the PMDD Support Red Tent was created... The family and friends group has come and gone.. but on the whole I feel very proud that the groups are still attracting members and that discussion is still going on.

Life has changed dramatically for me since I first created the groups. I was a very different person. Still on meds, still trying to deal with the fact the injection was unsuccessful, desperate for information, for friendship, for anyone to listen and understand what was going on. I was still getting over the effects of a negative relationship and trying to build a new one. Over the past 2 years I have met some incredible women, some who are still in the groups and some who aren't. It's been awesome to see women learning, figuring themselves out, figuring out how to manage their PMDD, what works, what doesn't... gaining support from others who understand. I've seen women who are so down on themselves, thinking they are the worlds worst.. who then write a lovely supportive post to someone else... showing so much compassion and understanding.

We are far from the nasty, stressed out, angry, crazy women we see ourselves as. We are strong, we have the capacity to feel the deepest emotions.. in our own healing paths we HAVE to learn about ourselves. If we try and carry on blind to our own needs, we see ourselves becoming more unwell. All in all we become the women who dance with the darkness, who learn to control themselves, who inspire others to keep on. If we can do it, what's the problem with everyone else?

We are picky with who and what we spend our time on, we know how precious those moments are. We have to learn how to 'not sweat the small stuff'.. we become the ones who understand ourselves better than anyone else ever could, and with that we CAN have happier and more successful lives

With the support I have found in the groups, I have been able to take on more groups, I have been encouraged and inspired to write blogs. I have found much better ways of communicating with my man, I got married!! I continued the PMDD campaign. I have come off all medications. I found a way that worked for me.. ideas that made sense, a way of understanding PMDD that helped me to heal.. I have had almost 2 cycles of barely any mental/emotional symptoms.. I have many projects on the go.. I even earned a little from my art recently! Things can change, in fact things ALWAYS change. Of that we can always be certain. So no matter how you are feeling today, know that life is ever flowing, ever changing.. if you are feeling good, it is possible to feel even better. If you are feeling low, it is possible and most likely, that you WILL feel better again.

Sending love to you all today (and a virtual slice of birthday cake!)

Cat xx

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Mind! here we come! and NEW NAPS FORUM!

After my third attempt at trying to get through to Mind, the mental health charity regarding the inclusion of PMDD on their website, I finally wrote again, making it quite clear I wasn't happy.  This time I got a reply.  I have to write a proposal form so it can be taken into consideration at the next meeting which is in February 2013.

I passed the information on to Jackie Howe from NAPS as I felt a little out of my depth.  I believe we are now going to be working on this together, as I saw this on their website today!

http://www.pms.org.uk/About+PMS/Bulletins/2012+Bulletins/November+2012/item1299/
Cat Hawkin’s has been working very hard to create greater awareness of severe PMS/PMDD and has been a major campaigner to gain acceptance by the WHO of PMMD in their International Classification of diseases. She has received notification that she can now make a proposal to MIND, the mental health charity, for a web page ,called Understanding PMDD.NAPS will be taking forward this proposal with Cat. Many women.... read more..
Feeling pretty good about this!  Let's hope we get the recognition we need.  The more people who learn about PMDD, the more the demand for research and development of better treatments.. which in turn leads to a better general understanding of PMDD and an easier journey to healing and management of symptoms.

In other news...

NAPS have re opened their forum!  It's free to join and was always a hive of conversation.  Pop on over there and sign up!  While you are there, take a look at their membership.  You can get access to specialists and advice.  NAPS is the only charity working for PMS and PMDD, every member helps them to do more work and raise more awareness...


Monday, 3 December 2012

Christmas Crafts!

I've been getting crafty, and am currently taking commissions for hand made light catchers.

My light catchers are hand made from recycled glass jewellery, lamp work beads, vintage crystal beads, gemstone beads, hand cut mirrors and sparkly prism drops. 

Prices range from £10 to £15 plus p&p.  I mainly make these to order, however now and then you may find some ready made on my page.

You can order by contacting me on through my Facebook page

These are my most recent creations...



I have also been making toadstools for the Christmas tree!  I made a set of these a few years ago now, and every year, they take pride of place.  This year, I have made some sets to sell, as so many people said how much they liked them!  Again, if you would like some, please contact me on my Facebook page as soon as possible.  I make these in small batches, so they sell out quickly!  I will make to order, so please get in touch.

13 Toadstools hand made by Cat Hawkins.  A fairy ring for your tree! £10+p&p



Wednesday, 28 November 2012

WOW!

WOW!

Over 50,000 page views!

THANK YOU!

Happy Full Moon!

Change something

Day 11. I actually had to check my tracker as I cannot remember a time before when things have been so smooth, I really didn't know what day I was on. I'm not sure what's different, but I feel different... Life is changing, so maybe the knock on is less symptoms? and I mean good change, positive change... I'm trying to find the words to help describe what's happened over this past cycle and a half... No negative symptoms, no crashes, or depression... been feeling pretty stable... and that is AMAZING!

Change something.  We end up repeating the same patterns because we become wired with REactions to things that happen in our lives.  This is the same with illness and dis-ease.  It IS possible to manage symptoms, to feel better, but you gotta change something.  You may have lots of ideas in your head that sound and feel like they would be good for you, why not make a promise to yourself to try one. 

Change ONE thing...  For me, this month, I started an online Astrology course.  2 hours every Monday morning.  It's given me something to get up for on a Monday.  It's a good start to the week.  It's made me organise and attempt other things in my life, stuff I may have been too scared to try.  By adding one structure into my life, it's having a knock on effect to other things.  I have wanted to do some formal study in Astrology all my life, and it feels good to finally be doing it.  WHY did I wait so long!

Go deep within.  You KNOW what's best for you.  If you are being called to change your job, find a job, write, draw, go to college or start a course the DO IT!  You may think of a thousand reasons why you can't or shouldn't, but ignore all that.  If it feels like the right path then take it.  Find a way.  If it IS the right path, it will happen, it will flow and it will feel easy.

Don't let PMDD stand in your way.  Almost every woman I have ever spoken too is smart, intelligent and strong.  They just need to realise it.  They just need to be brave and start to mold their lives around them, find their own way.  We are unique women, it just takes time to figure out how to be unique in a world that likes regularity and conformity.

xx ♥
 

Sunday, 25 November 2012

Charity T Shirts

A little project I have started to keep me busy and focused!  I would really appreciate it if you could go and check out my shop.  With Christmas coming you just might find something unique for that special someone.  Every product sold raises money for animal charities, and buys me a fancy coffee!

Brand new for Yule 2012. http://chaoticatcreations.spreadshirt.co.uk/

Animal Spirit and Mandala T Shirts, available in a range of colours and sizes for men and women.
£2 from every animal spirit design will go to a respective charity.

'Azkonar' Badger Spirit Mandala (donations to Badger Trust)

 'Melissa' Bee Goddess Spirit Mandala (donations to British Beekeepers Association) and Wolf Woman Spirit Mandala (donations to Wolf Watch UK).






FREE SHIPPING (in EU) when you buy 2 or more products.
ONLY UNTIL 27th November 2012. 
Voucher Code: XMAS2U

http://chaoticatcreations.spreadshirt.co.uk/

HAPPY SHOPPING!


Wednesday, 21 November 2012

The Power in Sharing

I wrote this earlier... inspired by the following quote that came up in my news feed.  Although this is a blog and not a group, it still applies... and I felt like sharing.
"The truth is, in order to heal we need to tell our stories and have them witnessed...The story itself becomes a vessel that holds us up, that sustains, that allows us to order our jumbled experiences into meaning.
As I told my stories of fear, awakening, struggle, and transformation and had them received, heard, and validated by other women, I found healing.
I also needed to hear other women's stories in order to see and embrace my own. Sometimes another woman's story becomes a mirror that shows me a self I haven't seen before. When I listen to her tell it, her experience quickens and clarifies my own. Her questions rouse mine. Her conflicts illumine my conflicts. Her resolutions call forth my hope. Her strengths summon my strengths. All of this can happen even when our stories and our lives are very different."
— Sue Monk Kidd (The Dance of the Dissident Daughter: A Woman's Journey from Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine)
THIS is what my groups are all about. We may have come together through PMDD, in the same way as new mum's get together with their babies, or people with mutual interests or hobbies, but essentially, we have created our own sisterhood. We share our own stories and truths, we grow and learn from each other. We find similar traits and quirks, we learn how similar, and at the same time, how different we all are. We come together and a kind of magic happens. We start to heal. We start to take our lives into our hands and deal with the things that don't serve us, learn what we like or don't like. We learn what might be holding us back, by listening to the words of someone else's story and identifying with them. We connect, we feel, we support.

Through sharing we become stronger. We become more ourselves, because we have a space to be ourselves in. Cherish it. Many women out there don't have this. A place to talk, freely, with lots of other women. What a wonder the internet is to be able to provide this space! The group is your witness.  


We've come together sharing a darkness. We are women who know the shadow. We know what it feels like to fear, to hate, to feel pain, mental and physical. We have found each other in the dark. I merely lit a candle and waited for you all to arrive.

There is such strength amongst us. If only each of us could see and know how strong we already are.

I had a comment from a man in the past, telling me how my groups had made his girlfriend worse. Worse I wonder? Worse for who?
When women come together and share and talk.. even over the internet, things can start changing. Women might realise they are unhappy with their job for example, or that that particular friendship is really not helping them to heal or grow. They might realise their abusive partner is actually out of line and decide to leave them. I know we talk a lot about PMDD, but we also talk a lot about life and our situations. When you start realising your truth, when you start making your own choices, life around you changes and that might not meet with other people's approval, it might make you seem different to real life friends or family. In turn you may meet with resistance. This is when you call on the collective. This is when you draw on the strength, the knowledge and the love of your sisters.

Keep going. PMDD is challenging, but there is so much to be gained. Whatever you feel you need to do, to make life easier, better, change, go with it. We know ourselves better than anyone else.
Use what you learn here. Share what you know. Know that you are loved and accepted here for ALL you are.

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Using Valerian at ovulation.

A more alternative and spiritual view of my PMDD and menstrual cycle can be found over on my Natural Shaman blog.

Today's post is about Valerian and it's magical properties.  I've been using valerian tea recently, during the day as an anti-anxiety/calming tea, rather than to sleep, but I have also found out some interesting correspondences and folk lore about the herb.

Click here to read my post about Valerian Magic - http://naturalshaman.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/valerian-magic.html

Sunday, 4 November 2012

Thank you...

To all of you who have contacted me and sent such lovely messages...

Thank you!

I'm doing ok.  Day 16 is here and I've had around 10 days of reasonable stable mood.  I could feel the changes for ovulation start a few days ago, with the mild pain, leading to a big heavy feeling in my womb today.  My head however has managed to stay on track, until today.

Today, the heaviness, the feeling in my womb that makes me so aware of the changes has been trying to divert my thoughts too.  I distracted myself with a film, but it was so hard to just pay attention to the film and not listen to my mind telling me I should be doing other things, or that everything I've been thinking of recently is all bullshit.  I know it's not, I know that I've been feeling good, positive about new choices I might make.  I had been feeling excited and content.

Today has been lazy.  Tomorrow will be busier.  I'm starting a course in Astrology and am really looking forward to it.  I'm hoping it will kick start my usual rubbish Monday mornings and give me a better mindset for the rest of the week.

Thanks again for all the words of encouragement and kindness.

I'm still here! and will try and write again soon xx


Thursday, 25 October 2012

Losing the fight.

I haven't written like this in a long time.  Right now, I have no other options.

I have fallen down the slippery slope.  Lost hold of the rope.  Tripped into the chasm that is my sorry life.  I am low.  Really fucking low.  For the past 3 cycles I have battled the suicidal thoughts.  I've hid from them, I've talked myself down, now on day 6 of my cycle, I still feel the same.  Nothing has lifted.

Now it seems the depression is really taking root.  October.  Almost November.  There is NOTHING good about the UK in November.  The crisis team seem to be completely incapable of their jobs.  As do the community mental health team.  You know, it's impossible to raise a complaint, or point our their mistakes with the CMHT.  You are the crazy one after all.  One word out of line and it's 'if you raise your voice again I WILL hang up'.  What part of I'M SUICIDAL AND NEED HELP AND ONE OF YOUR WORKERS HAS NOT DONE HIS JOB SINCE THE LAST TIME I WAS FUCKING SUICIDAL AND NEEDED HELP.  No, I did not swear at her, I surely would have had the phone slammed down on me, but the snooty bitch needs to get a job in a hotel, not a mental health department.

I'm done in.  Beat.  Lost.  Alone.  Sick.  There is no hope anywhere I turn.  After an incident in my support group a few weeks back, I found it hard to return.  It knocked me for six.  In plain writing I saw how others spoke about me.  I saw what they thought of ME.  Don't take it personally.. (one of the four agreements I remind myself), but to be honest, I have wanted to give up updating this blog, close all the groups and walk away, go back to going through my PMDD journey alone.  I tried to come back from it, focus on PMS week and churn out a load of images, create a new page for my new idea, but it was like a cheap sticking plaster, that didn't really cover the wound.

It made me question why I am trying to fight for others, look after others, speak out for others. 

I've got my own STUFF to deal with.  Trying to focus my energies on raising awareness, writing blogs, creating posters is all well and good, when it feels like there is something to fight for, but at the moment, the fight has gone.  My life feels worthless.  I'm actually beginning to think that it's truly is impossible for me to be happy.  I should go get a job cleaning toilets and forget about my life getting any better.  All this is far from just being a PMDD episode.  I have some really difficult issues, painful things, life stuff, and it's all coming up now.

I think people think I am causing all this, bringing it on myself because I won't take meds.  IF the meds they were offering had been tried and tested on PMDD, IF I had proper monitoring and care when taking them, IF I had proper support, then I might consider it, but I don't.  My family is already stretched to breaking point with me, the drugs they offer are for other illnesses, and I know, that I just don't want to go down that experimental route again.

I've deleted a ton of friends and family off my Facebook.  I want to just hit, deactivate account, and disappear. Forget about all this.  I've been tempted a few times to delete this blog... to step right back, hide, fade away and focus on something else.  I'm still undecided.  I'm on shut down, self destruct...

The trust has gone.  I am living scared.  I cannot relax.  I hate myself so much I am literally disgusted.  If this cloud lifts, I will then just feel ridiculous that I was ever in this place, but the truth is, it won't last long enough to achieve anything.  It will be a matter of days before I am here again.  It just doesn't seem worth fighting for.

So, I can't tell you the future of this blog, or my groups and pages on Facebook.  I'm staying away from it all at the moment.  Maybe I will find the drive/need/passion to continue, or maybe I will decide that it's time to forget about PMDD and trying to make a difference and walk away from it all. 

All I know now, is that I don't trust anyone.  I can't let anyone in and I just wish I could delete everything I've ever put online and effectively die in cyberspace.  Who the fuck am I anyway?

No one. 

I'm losing the fight.  Losing the will.  I just don't want to go on anymore.  I try and tell people that a life with PMDD IS worth living, that you have to have hope, keep on keeping on, but if I said that now, I would be lying cos I don't see how there is a life to be had with PMDD.


Tuesday, 16 October 2012

Sharing the BLOG Love ♥

You just HAVE to go and check out these fantastic PMDD Blogs!

I think it's great that others are pouring all their experiences and knowledge into a blog to share with others.  Go and support some fellow PMDD sistas!

www.whyamihappy.blogspot.co.uk/

www.halfofalife.wordpress.com/

www.pmmdandfibromyalgia.blogspot.co.uk/

www.hormonesoup.com/

It takes courage to share your stories, but the more who do, the less women will feel alone in their lives with PMDD.

Way to go girls!

28 Days Poster

The idea came to me last night...

Here is my 28 Days painting, with a little magic from Photoshop, turned into a spot the difference style poster!

This painting always makes me giggle, so it's nice to have found a use to share it more.

Come on over to Facebook to share from one of my pages...

www.facebook.com/meetmypmdd
www.facebook.com/pmddawarenessuk


(c) Cat Hawkins - www.chaoticat.com

Monday, 15 October 2012

PMDD Awareness UK

It's a new moon today, AND it's PMS AWARENESS WEEK so there is no better time to launch my new project. A place to keep all the campaign work separate to the blogging, and somewhere to focus all the PMDD Awareness stuff....

INTRODUCING.....

https://www.facebook.com/pages/PMDD-Awareness-UK/113398732150471

There will be a new website coming soon!

I will be continuing all the campaigning over there and hopefully we can get bigger and stronger in 2013.  I will of course still give updates here, but this new project will give me somewhere to focus more on raising awareness in the UK.

Please come and give me a like, even if you are not in the UK. By fighting for this here, I hope it will change things all around the world. ♥

Sunday, 14 October 2012

Women's Wisdom

Meet my PMDD - Moods and Musings Blog has been featured on a wonderful little site over in Spain run by Melissa Moss.

I was thrilled to have been asked to share my blog and I hope you will go and give her website a little visit.

Just click here to go to Holistic Mental Health Services, for women.


PMS AWARENESS WEEK STARTS NOW!

Well.. 24 hours ago actually but lets just say my day has been challenging!

Thankfully though, I had just enough energy left to finish what I had planned to do today.

So here are some more images to share for PMS Awareness Week 2012.

If you like them and share them, please come and give my page a LIKE over on Facebook.

If you fancy helping raise awareness and feel like giving a few leaflets out to local surgeries and health centers, give NAPS a call, they can send you some 'official' leaflets. Click here to go to NAPS.
 



(c) Cat Hawkins - www.chaoticat.com

Saturday, 6 October 2012

PMS AWARENESS WEEK 2012

Next week, on the 13th October 2012, we see another PMS Awareness Week in the UK.

It is run by NAPS - The National Association of Pre Menstrual Syndrome.  Many women end up on their site looking for information, and they have a great team of people behind them, including PMDD specialists.  You can find them at www.pms.org.uk.  They are a small charity and rely on others helping to raise awareness and organise events.

If you would like to join in with the event, please follow this link www.facebook.com/events/266378583482849/ .  Even if you don't live in the UK, you can participate by making this the week that you talk to someone about your PMDD.  Raise awareness in whatever small way you can.  If you really want to organise an event and try and raise some cash for NAPS or just awareness, then go for it!  give them a call and see what promotional material you can get.

It was PMS Awareness Week two years ago that got the ball rolling.  I wrote to the local paper and asked if they were covering anything for PMS week and if they would like to hear my story.

I didn't hear back for a couple of months, and PMS Week was firmly in the past, but they did contact me, and I bravely/madly/insanely told my story to the local paper.  It was that story that led me to start the PMDD Support groups, that now stand at 4 groups on Facebook.

Last year, I created a small image to be passed around on Facebook to raise awareness, and this year, I was asked to do the same again.

If you are on Facebook, please follow this link to share the images.. and don't forget to give my page a LIKE while you are there!  www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.277344152377226.57370.242797265831915&type=1&l=1b6b440936

I ended up creating a couple of more informative posters too, as it's been something I'd thought about doing a while ago (and the whim took me!).  Feel free to use and share, just please keep my copyright and web address on them...  I may not make any money from the work I do, but I spend a lot of time creating these things!






(c) Cat Hawkins - www.chaoticat.com

Friday, 5 October 2012

5 Years old

I was planning on a big announcement on Sunday (30th September) that Meet my PMDD - Moods and Musings blog is now 5 years old, but I've been having a really tough time recently and haven't been up to blogging.  The ideas still flow, but the desire to write has left me at the moment.

During my few good days last week, I had felt proud and happy that the blog had been going that long, and that I now have so many lovely readers and chat to so many amazing women that have found me through this little page.

But since my mood dropped again (ovulation today) I find it increasingly hard to be positive or happy about anything.  FIVE years...  SO much has happened in that time.. and it makes me realise how much pain I've gone through since 2007.. only, things didn't start going bad then.. they had been bad for a long. long time.  I've been blogging for about 10 years (back in the day I used Diary X) and have had PMDD for 22 years now.

It was cathartic.  It was healing.  It was wallowing.  It was release.  It was my place to say what I thought.  I have realised that I have a strong desire to write, and I've also discovered that I write pretty well.  Things I never would have believed of myself before.

Many times I have wanted to give up.  In the destructive moments, I've wanted to delete the whole blog and forget about it.  Like ripping up a painting in hatred of all it represents, but I've managed to restrain myself, wait a few days, then get back in the writing saddle.

I don't know where I am right now.  I feel lost.  I don't know where I'm heading or even where I want to be heading.  I had plans of doing a course this winter.  I was sure that if I had something to work towards, something to focus on I would get through the winter without all the problems that usually arise at this time of year.  I would come out in Spring/Summer 2013 with new ideas, a certificate behind me and a ton of new experiences... only, I couldn't raise the cash to do the course, and with a heavy heart, I had to come to terms with the fact it wasn't going to happen.  This has thrown me off course.  I had my heart set on this training, these experiences.. having something to focus on, but it is not an option now.  I've missed the boat again.

So now, I am floating about.  I have lost all my desire to create, which is like losing the desire to breathe. I've been surfing the web for something that will trigger a creative response, but nothing has come yet.  I've tried reading, I've tried thinking, resting, cooking, giving up all the thoughts to just sit mindlessly in front of the TV.  Still no urges to DO anything.

I don't know what's happening.  I can only hope and pray everyday that I will feel better soon.  The past month has already been tough.  Only 2 weeks ago I had another full blown breakdown.  Called crisis team and my husband had to come home from work.  I felt like I was losing my mind.  Dreaming up ways to try and escape for over 24 hours.  Staying in bed because it was the safest option.  Feeling so volatile that I didn't know what I might be capable of.  Why now?  Why am I going through this again?  Did I take a wrong turn?

The reality is that in the past 4 months, my partner moved in, I got married, we went straight into summer holidays and now everyone's back to work, school and college.  MASSIVE life changes for anyone...  but I feel left behind.  I feel like life is passing me by and I will never be anything more than the PMDD.  I still need to finish my PMDD book, I have a load of art I've been asked to create, a new website to finish, I have nothing that will bring in an income, and am stuck in my house 24/7 and the wheel is spinning faster than ever into winter.

Anyway...


Thank you to all who read, share my links and come and connect with me on Facebook.  I wonder if I will still be here writing about my PMDD in 2017!  weirdly, let's hope not!

Saturday, 25 August 2012

We pretend to be strong because we are weak.

“We pretend to be strong because we are weak.”
― Paulo Coelho
I'm waiting to bleed, it's day 28.
I find myself crying again, I can feel the rush of hormones. My man asks if I'm OK...
A year or so ago, I may have flown into a rage, angry over being asked. I may have just gone quiet and said, I'm fine, or leave me alone. Nowadays, I dive into his arms and cry into is chest. I accept his love, his concern and feel better for a hug and his understanding when I am feeling like my world is about to be upturned.

This got me thinking (especially as I am in pre-menstrual thinking overdrive).

Women with PMDD deal with an extreme amount of rage, anger, self loathing and fear. We feel weak and inadequate. We cannot deal with the same amount of stress that other people can.
Society tells us that as women, we should be able to handle everything life throws at us and cope with it all. There has been a big deal made out of women needing to be as strong as their male counterparts. Equal in every way.... except, we aren't.

Women may feel that they cannot possibly show weakness. They cannot let on to their partners, family, work colleagues that they are finding things hard. This happens to all women to some extent, but with PMDD, it's much more extreme, as the hormones seem to take over and control us. The false moods and irrational thoughts leave us feeling out of control, weak and unable to complete the simplest of tasks.

What happens when we feel inadequate? If we can't over compensate by becoming super woman to prove we are just as good as the men, or other more stable women, then we end up feeling frustrated at ourselves, and our situation. We end up angry and full of fight.. defensive. Even with the people we love. We don't want them to see our weaknesses. We don't want them to have to 'look after us' as that makes us far from the strong independent capable women that society says we should be.

I found this article. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wander-woman/201107/the-greatest-weakness-strong-women It's got nothing to do with PMDD, but tells the story of a high powered business woman who finally let down her defenses to save her relationship. As I read, I realised even more that showing weakness is hard for every woman, but to do so can actually help save floundering relationships and bring people closer together.

I look back over my own life and my own PMDD story and find the fight and defensiveness there at every turn. Right from a child, I knew that to cry in public was a sign of weakness, and that to get on in the world we have to be able to do what the men do. Work, earn, provide... I was always embarrassed by my mother's ability to sob in public, she would cry at the drop of a hat, especially to an emotional song or film, and quite often, I would feel the lump in my throat and the tears building, but I would not allow myself to cry. Cry baby. Soppy cow. Why are are you crying? I often had no explanation to explain why I felt like crying, and didn't want to answer that question. I have always avoided films and music that are liable to make me cry. 

In my youth, I turned to Heavy Metal music, especially the stuff sung (or screamed) by women. I wanted nothing more than to experience those strong emotions. The 'fuck you' of a woman screaming and roaring as good as any man. The lack of tears, the abundance of hate and anger. I related. I felt it made me strong and equal. Another mask to put on to the world. Men often became a target in the lyrics, with one of my favourite female bands (Otep) even writing a song called 'Menocide'. Yet now, that kinda turns my stomach, for there is nothing gained in the pendulum swinging all the way over to the other side. At the time it fed my need to be strong, to be like a man. When women act like men, what do the men do? When women are downing pints and shots at the pub alongside their male peers, fighting and brawling in the street, what do men see? Women? Or women who are more like their male friends? In which case, why should they treat us like women, when we don't act like one?

During PMDD days, I can sob at an advert, or a situation in a soap opera. I still feel that shame. I still feel embarrassed. Although, I am working on that. There IS no shame in feeling emotion. There is no shame in feeling so deep that a song, or lyrics send you into a tearful mess. There is no shame in admitting that you feel low, or for even crying when there appears to be no reason for it.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love.”
― Washington Irving 

During my PMDD weepiness, I may be crying for all the pain I've ever felt in my life, for all the pain my ancestors may have gone through. I may be crying for all the cruelty and poverty there is in the world. I may be crying just because I need to cry. Why should I feel shame for that?

Menstruation connects us to a deeper place. It connects us to our ancestors and can bring about great insight and learning. Women ARE more sensitive at this time. FACT.
The shame and embarrassment brings on a reaction of needing to cover it. I don't want people to think I am weak, over sensitive, over emotional or stupid. How can I explain the tears?
Men don't do this. I am highlighting our gender differences. Maybe I am letting the feminist side down. I am weak and giving men a reason to see me (women) as weak.

Women sometimes cry easier in the presence of another woman. A close friend or aunt may console us. We know that we sometimes need to 'let it all out', but to do that in front of a man? When most men feel uncomfortable with that amount of emotion pouring out from the soul? To do that in front of our partners and husbands? That seems alien to a lot of us, despite both parties claiming to love one another.

This need to remain strong and collected in front of our men is what brings about the complete opposite in emotions. We don't want them to see us a weak. We don't want to admit we need them to protect us and keep us safe. With equality and all the blurred lines between male and female roles, men just don't know what to do, and if we are pushing them away and denying them the chance to protect and show us compassion, we are then stealing away their opportunity to fulfil their role within the relationship.

Ladies with PMDD often end up directing all this anger and frustration at their partners as a smoke screen. We overcompensate and allow ourselves to become strong, so strong we are fierce and aggressive. We are like crazed warriors about to go into battle. Only there is no battle. There is someone we love who desperately wants to help, who wants to be able to 'do something' to make it all better. We fight them, because to allow them to help, to allow ourselves to fall into their arms and cry and say we can't cope right now is to show them we are weak, and with that brings about a whole manner of inadequacies that appear to no longer be socially acceptable.

'Other women cope' Other women manage to hold down a job, have kids, study, cook, clean and stay sane all month long so why not me/us? We feel that our PMDD makes us inferior.  It doesn't. It makes us different. It makes us super sensitive. If women with PMDD can embrace this aspect and shake off the stigma of showing signs of weakness the anger is calmed. As I type this, so many memories come to mind. I can feel the tickle in my nose, the tears building up. Have no reason to be crying right now, yet the tears want to come.

As a woman, I am an emotional being. I want to fully embrace what it is to be a woman. The past 2 years have seen me stop fighting. I accept, I surrender, I have learned to feel comfortable crying around my man. I go with the flow and allow safe passage to whatever needs to manifest. Who am I to censor myself? Who am I to curb, halt, or stop the feelings that need to flow?

It is no wonder we have come to be like this. In days gone by, women with PMDD would have been called Witches. Demonic. We would have been misunderstood as being possessed by the devil and locked up in asylums... another reason to want to stay secret, to hide away, to remain anonymous. Women have undergone so many terrible punishments for being female. Showing any sign of intuition became labelled as witchcraft or possession. Hundreds of thousands of women died during the witch trials, who were no more than healers, midwives, herbalists and quite possibly women with PMDD, women who were sensitive to their hormones, who felt the rages and let them out, who acted as if they were possessed by a demon. I know that some of my tears must be for them, and my ancestors, some of which must surely have been caught up in the terror. In the UK, it is a mere 61 years since the repeal of the Witchcraft Act, yet to this day, in many other countries, women still face charges like this, often with the penalty of death.

So in many ways it is no wonder there is a such a stigma attached to women with mood disorders, whether they use their intuitive abilities or not, the outward signs of PMDD are frowned upon and still come with a hefty amount of shame, guilt and penalties for not being consistently able to live like everyone else.

Women need to reclaim what it is to be a women. We need to celebrate out difference, and not feel ashamed to embrace our feminine nature. Next time you fight with your partner, just stop for a second and ask yourself why you are fighting. Is there a legitimate reason to be fronting up to your partner? Or deep down, do you really just need a big hug and some reassurance that everything will be OK?

I can't being to describe how much this has helped my relationship. After swearing I would never marry again, I find myself a wife once more. My husband is not my enemy. My husband can provide me with protection, with love, with safety from everything else that is bad in the world. I am lucky to have such a man, who accepts his male role, however strange it may seem to others. But this is only possible because I allow him to take on that role. I trust him enough to let him see me during my weak moments. He doesn't expect me to be strong all the time. He doesn't value me any less because I have these moments. By blowing away the smoke screen, the fa├žade, the pretence that I am 'fine' all the time, we have been able to develop a much closer relationship.

My hope is that more women, especially the ones who suffer with PMDD will begin to embrace what it really means to be female, and find strength in what other perceive to be weakness. It is not a weakness if you need to take time out, if you need a break, to cry, to sleep, or to dream. It is not a weakness if you are string enough to be honest.  Honesty is by far the strongest action, and to admit you need help, love, a hug, is to put out the raging fire and unite with someone in a warm glow of friendship, companionship, compassion and love.

“We are all travellers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend.”
― Robert Louis Stevenson

“Hiding how you really feel and trying to make everyone happy doesn't make you nice, it just makes you a liar.”
― Jenny O'Connell

“You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you were beneath it.”
― Alan Moore, (V for Vendetta)

“Do not consider me now as an elegant female intending to plague you, but as a rational creature speaking the truth from her heart.”
― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

“I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it.”
― Marilyn Monroe (Marilyn)
All quotes from http://www.goodreads.com

©Cat Hawkins 2012

Sunday, 12 August 2012

HOLIDAY!!

Off to spend time with the sea... see you in a couple of weeks.  Recharged and relaxed!

Check out this link to read about the health benefits of the beach!
No excuses needed.. chill time at the beach is really good for your health!

http://www.amoils.com/health-blog/whatever-the-weather-enjoy-the-health-benefits-of-the-sea-and-the-sand/





Wednesday, 1 August 2012

New PMDD art...

It's day 4.  I've got a week without my kids.  I get ONE week a year without them, and it's my down time...  I've spent hours dreaming about nothing in particular over the past 4 days.  Someone I know recently called it 'silent staring'.  I've barely seen another living soul during the day.  I've hardly left the house.  Dreams of painting, drawing, shopping, trips out have all gone out the window.  I feel like I've wasted the time.

Damn.  I still have so much to conquer.  Normally I would retreat, withdraw, but not having the kids about is a massive change.  I can't settle, I'm not used to it, I feel lost.  So rather than use this time  to indulge, I've done nothing.  I've rested I suppose, but I still find it hard to rest when there feels like so little time to get things done.  If this had been next week, I would have had energy.  The decorating jobs may have got done, I would have been productive,  I would have been social but this week there has been no energy.

Today, I forced myself to sit with a piece of paper.  I know it will do me good if I get something drawn.  At least I would feel like I achieved something this week (other than holding it together during important yet stressful phone calls, of which there have been a few)  I've been feeling so frustrated with myself, so annoyed and stressed...  To avoid a potential disaster, I knew I had to do something.

I had no idea what I was going to draw.  I just drew a circle and picked up a pencil.  I used ink pencils, fine liners and a sharpie, water and a brush.  I didn't overly like what I was doing, but I stuck with it.  I don't really know what to say about it, so I'll let it speak for itself.  At least I did achieve something today.

Day 4 by Cat Hawkins
It's full moon this evening too, which never seems to help my mood.  It is also the festival of Lughnasadh, the first harvest, so there are lots of powerful energies going on.  I am hoping for a better day tomorrow and a weekend away under canvas and the stars.
Recharge and relax... properly.

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

CODE RED

In my previous post, I talked about an idea about having a code that you could send to your partners or close friends when you need help, or are feeling unstable and anxious.

It could be used in all sorts of situations, but for me, it would be when things are becoming difficult and I'm losing my rag, and I want to communicate with my partner without dragging him into the tornado of emotions (that are all mainly irrational and dysphoric).

So, I've decided I'm going to go for a really easy idea, of CODE RED.  But you could equally use numbers, or some other symbolic word etc.

Contacting my husband at work is something I now stay away from.  We text occasionally, when there is business to do or to tell each other we love them, but in the past, texts have been so destructive, and a childish and cowardly way of dealing with things during pre menstruation.

I now, rarely, ever send nasty or crazy text messages.  It can be hard to stop myself, but most of the time I succeed. What is usually behind an outburst is a need or worry that needs to be sorted.  When things don't get sorted, the problem grows in my head, like I have a brain of fertiliser, and it ends up flying out in a shit storm of frustration. All I might want is a hug, or some time to myself, or it maybe I just need to talk about something.

I can't ever explain whats going on in my head through a text.  However, if I use a code, it will signal to him that I'm having a rough day, and I may need to talk, to be pampered, left alone, or all three!  It may alert him that there is a difficult conversation that we need to have, or that I might not be cooking a meal that night...

You may even go so far as to include orange and black too...  I would keep it simple though, no one needs to refer to a flow chart all the time!  Here's an example:
CODE ORANGE - I'm feeling rubbish, really low and crappy. I need a hug and I need you to know that I'm not doing so great.  Today might be a struggle.  I might not be able to cook tonight.  I'm tired and stressed.
CODE RED - I'm feeling pissed off, probably for no reason, but I feel frustrated and easily angered.  I need to talk to you about some things that are bothering me, but I need you to know that I am battling with lots of negative thoughts and worries so it might not be easy.  I need you to understand, I feel like I'm on the edge of losing it.  Everything feels out of control.
CODE BLACK - I'm dangerously low...  I need you.  I'm scared.  I feel like I shouldn't be here, that we shouldn't be together.  I have no friends, I just want to sleep and never wake up.. Help, I need you home/to speak to you as soon as you can.
How your partner responds can be talked about between you, and in the same way, your system can cover whatever it is that triggers you...

It's a good exercise to do, to get an idea of what it is that triggers you, or how you respond to the stress within or outside of you.  It also helps your partner if you have some idea of what is the best thing to do in these situations.  You feel lost, they have no idea what to do, and every partner who claims to love you, should also want to support you, but unless you figure out what it is you need, you will both float out to sea.  In those times, you need your partner to be your anchor, whether thats being with you or leaving you alone.  Knowing you can have what you need, talk about what you need, feel loved and looked after when everything feels so scary really helps, so start to look for patterns, triggers, things you always do that always end in disaster.  Identify them and work to change the patterns.  The same choices will always bring the same results, so try and change the way you react or deal with things.  Be mindful, think, don't react.  Put some trust in the future even when you feel there is none.

I will be discussing this with my man, that if I send him a message saying CODE RED, that I am having a crappy time.  This way he can be prepared but not hurt, upset or angry with me by the time he gets home.

And what do you do in the mean time? when your head is all over the place and you have a few hours before the person who (almost) understands you finally gets home.  You focus on other stuff.
Get jobs done, look after the kids, get someone else to have the kids, get some sleep, go for a walk, draw, write, call a friend... anything to stay away from any stressful situations. If you have the luxury of time to yourself then chill!  enjoy the space, the quiet... eat an ice cream (like I am doing right now!)

Do anything but dwell and over analyse, fantasise and add fuel to the fire.  It's amazing how quickly you can change your path and how doing simple things make you feel better.

Averting disaster

So this morning, day 27, I woke up after a reasonable night sleep.

It's been 11 days since I got married.  My man has gone back to work and the kids are now off school for the summer.  The sun is shining today, which has been a rare thing in the UK this year.
Been feeling narky for the past couple of days, and already entered my quiet time over the weekend.  My quiet time (pre menstruation) is when I can't find the words to say, when my head is caught up with other stuff.  I become forgetful and frustrated.  My mind dwells on things, things that are bothering me.  Up till now, it's been about the wedding and the things that didn't go quite to plan.  This morning it was maintenance issues... I know!  how ridiculous!

I have a few things that need doing in the house, and the communal lighting in our close is broken again and lights stay on all day when they should go off.  Now, I've had to report this a few times to our housing association.  No-one else seems to care, despite the fact we already pay a service charge for sweet FA, and all that wasted electric will only give them an excuse to charge us all even more.  It should be a quick call, but for some reason the people at the HA rarely understand that I live in a CLOSE not a flat, and yes we do have communal lighting, and no, I haven't broken it, and no, it's not my property, it's OUTSIDE.... sigh...

While on the phone, I can feel my frustration rising.
It's simple.. the lights that are YOUR responsibility are broken AGAIN... the outside lighting has been on for 24 hours a day, everyday, for over 2 weeks.  I'd hoped someone else might call you but they obviously haven't. It seems to be my responsibility again.   I report a dodgy fit and lock on the back door (due to the heat over the past week) and it's 20 questions about why I hadn't contact them sooner.
I got really arsey and asked why it matters, I'm reporting it now, and I'd just got married, been busy etc and could feel my top about to blow. Tears started coming, I wanted to hang up, go back to bed and cry/sleep the day away.. Then, just as I was getting somewhere, their computers go down, so she tells me she'll call me back.

I sit in the garden and my head is going crazy... all the issues I'd already created popped back up, the annoyance and frustration with the woman on the phone, the worry about the issues, the feeling like I'm going to crack under all this pressure (which for many can be sorted without a care in the world, including myself at a different time of the month).

I wanted to text my man.  I wanted to let him know I felt like I was about to crack, and that the kids are home and I don't know how I will cope, that I am feeling terrible and dwelling on loads of stuff, and there's some stuff that's bothering me and we need to talk.....

He's just gone back to work, I hate stressing him out or worrying him more at work.  In the past, without the control I have now, I would have sent him some annoyed text, or something crazy about how he shouldn't love me, or why is he with me?  Or that I'm pissed off about something he's done and I can't be with him anymore...  It could be that irrational, and to him, a bolt out of the blue... an insult, a break up threat, or some other equally unreasonable thing to say by text to someone you love.

I ended up thinking about how I could let him know I'm feeling crap, while at work, without having to go into all the details while he has his job to do (which supports me and the children).  It's not the first time I've tried to figure out the best way to communicate when I'm like this.  Due on tomorrow and my fuse is seriously short.  This would have been the time of massive arguments or fall outs, or me biting on to an issue and rather than discussing it like an adult, my hurt, PMDD self takes over and buggers it all up with anger and a spiralling sense that everything is gonna fall apart because of one small thing.

Us PMDD girls who are trying to keep our relationships, who are trying to stop the destruction that being dysphoric can cause, should be figuring out a code to use that signals to our partners that we are in emotional/mental trouble.  Like sending up a flare.  At that moment, it's often the fact we just need someone to know that we feel terrible.  That today is gonna be a struggle or even, on a more serious note, that we are in complete turmoil and we fear we may do something stupid.

As I am grabbing my second chance of married life with both hands, I want to make sure that I do all I can to communicate and work through things with my man.  I've had some terrible relationships in the past, and am finally very happy.  He's seen me at my worst, and I never want to go back there again.

I've had many moments when I desperately need my partner's support, whether that be to talk to, to help out, to give me a break, or just to sympathise, but I go about it in the wrong way.  The stuff I need to talk about can come out all wrong, disagreements happen, the road gets super rocky and in an instant it feels like your relationship is ending and it's all your fault.

I figure I need a code.  I need a way of telling him that I need him, without bringing all my shit to his work desk.  You can find my code ideas here... http://meetmypmdd.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/code-red.html

By the time I'd realised that I had a few blogs that I need to write around the subject of relationships, and the thoughts/worries about all the other things I need to do today, the phone rang and all my maintenance issues will be sorted tomorrow...  I apologised for getting frustrated with the situation and all was well.  I felt better for saying sorry, even to a complete stranger.  She was only trying to do her job, my PMDD is not her fault.

I felt a bit better, and focused on some household chores, mowed the lawn barefoot in the sunshine, cooled down in the shade and battled with my mind for another 10 mins as to whether I go get a shower before I write, or just get on with it.  The pernickety me, would want to shower and get ready for the day before I get writing, but there is always the risk I will lose my flow of thought and not get round to it, so I decided to sit here in my garden dress and get something written.  The kids are happy playing, I'm not due to go anywhere or see anyone, so that one 'rule' can go out the window today.

It's easy to obsess at this time of the month.  It's easy to get caught out and trip yourself up, it's easy to end up in a crazy situation because you haven't tried to divert yourself from disaster.
At this time of the month, I can spend all day talking myself away from a potentially sticky situation, talking myself away from irrational thoughts.  I sleep more than usual, often just to quieten down the endless babble.  The calm will come.  I will hit a place of feeling centred.  I can feel the urge to draw or create giving me a ton of ideas for writing, pictures, cooking struggling to be heard through the ridiculous fog that makes me go round in circles.  The worries will be defeated.  I make lists of things that I can do something about, and start ticking them off (energy allowing).  The things I can't do anything about immediately, I leave till I feel stronger to deal with them, or wait for an opportunity to tackle them.  Getting things done, rather than worrying about the fact they need doing is a far better way to spend time, and it is possible to deal with mundane things in this head space.

I know I'm due to bleed very soon.  I know that I need to rest.  I know that I need to stay away from stressful situations, and even more so, I need to make sure I don't create any negative situations for myself.  I have more writing to do, I have thank you cards to make, write and send, I have a ton of stuff to catch up on.  I am blessed to have a night without the children tonight, quiet time to indulge, or time to sleep... either will do.

Sunday, 22 July 2012

Wedding!

The wedding went perfectly!  We had such a great day.
After 6 months of hard planning and shopping and praying the weather would improve, we made it!

I was on day 16, so just around ovulation and at the time of the month that I have energy and am not so afraid of social situations.  It was a bit of a flook that it ended up during that part of my cycle, and I don't know if it would have all felt so good at any other time of the month.  

I was surprisingly calm all day, with only a couple of stressed out moments in the afternoon, and I coped with all the people and how hectic the whole day felt.

I will be writing more about planning a big event, giving consideration to your cycle in future posts, but for now, here's a few pics!




 






Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Exciting times!

I haven't posted properly in a while.  Life has been VERY busy.

Some of you, mainly those that follow my blog on Facebook, or are members of my support groups, will know that I am preparing for a very special event.

In TWO DAYS, I get married!  Friday 13th July 2012.

This is the reason I haven't posted anything new in a while, and the reason why it may be a couple more weeks before I get back to my writing again.

We have been planning the wedding for about 6 months, on a very tight budget, but after all the effort, I finally get to marry my man and see all my hard work pay off.
I'm very excited, and as someone who said she would never get married again... I'm pinching myself regularly!

I have a few articles that I can't wait to write, such as, how to cope with planning a wedding with PMDD!  and when everything get's settled, I will be back with new articles, and news of my happy day!

Take care of yourselves, and remember, the bad times always pass... and it IS possible to look forward and enjoy life...

The next time I write, I will be sporting a new surname, a beautiful wedding ring and I will officially be a married woman!

Big love everyone! xx
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...