Wednesday, 3 April 2013

Birthing Pain.

Lots of new things have happened recently.  The PMDD Community page I have been an admin of for the past two years was handed over to me with full control.  This meant that I now had the control to try and make it more active and spend a little more time on it.  I have taken on new admins and am sharing the work load over there as the priority for me is my new website and maintaining this blog.

With the launch of the new website, amd PMDD Awareness month, I have been really busy.  Couple that with Easter holidays and work being done around the house, life has been a bit hectic.

In birthing these new projects, these new ideas, I came across some people who wanted to bring it all down.  It was a shock, and to be honest, ruined my Easter with the family.  Taking abuse on Facebook from people you've tried to help is not nice.  Being publicly slagged off when you've trusted someone is also uncalled for.  Seeing someone ripping off your ideas, using my images and then having the audacity to accuse me of things I haven't done.  I have been dealing with a ton of anxiety and stress with it all and it did almost break me.

I ended up thinking... right.. I'll go offline.  I'll throw in the towel and forget about PMDD Awareness UK.  I'll go private again.  I'll withdraw.

I started thinking about birth.  The project I've been planning for over 6 months has now just been 'birthed'.  What happens in the birth process?  There is pain.  There is doubt.  There is fear.

PMDD Awareness UK is my baby.  Someone was threatening that, making me feel like I shouldn't be doing it, that I am a bad person.  But it was about to be out there.. I had already announced it would be going live.  Can you stop labour? Can you push a baby back in?  Can you say NO, I don't want this when the head has already come out?

It's taken me days to shake the negative feelings and thoughts.  I'm in a part of my cycle when it's more difficult coping with stressful situations.  I am never gonna get this person to see what happened from my side.  It may have been a PMDD outburst, but that's no excuse for abusing privileges and getting nasty, accusing me of things I simply haven't done and getting others to get involved.

I almost took the site down.  I almost gave up.

But how can that be right?  Why should I give up on all I have done because of one person who has taken a dislike to me.  I get more messages of support and thanks than one persons hatred. 

So, no...  I'm staying put.  I DO have my limits at what I can contribute to the PMDD 'cause'  and I am pretty much there.  The next step is up to others.  I was also accused the week of being egotistical and 'wanting it all for myself'.  That is ludicrous.  To move forward with raising awareness is up to each and every sufferer and their families out there.  I've pretty much done all I can do. 

My blog will always be here for me to share with you things in my life, and the PMDD Awareness site will stay as an online presence for PMDD in the UK.  Providing links to groups, organisations, information and encouraging others to do what they can.  I still have a few things I wish to achieve with regard to PMDD in the UK but this is where I pretty much hit my limit.  Maintaining two PMDD related websites and the groups along with the other things going on in my life... other projects and life paths I wish to follow is more than enough for someone with PMDD to cope with.  I could have never imagined I would get a hold of my PMDD enough to achieve any of it, but at some point, I have to start spending my time on the things that heal me.

Thank you to all my friends who supported me through this last weekend.  I really couldn't do this without the support of you all...


Nichole said...

Aww, how sad. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. You know who you are, though, and that's vital for where you're going. That you DO know IS that foundation.

You're stronger than I, my beautiful friend. I can never go back to Facebook. I, myself, am just finding my center in my garden. I'm also most vividly aware that I will always be discovering more of what I'm made of, and what's really me. It's pretty cool. Biggest task--shrugging off the judgement of others.

I love you! You are amazing!


Wileykit said...

So sorry to hear that Cat. Some people are REALLY crazy! Just ignore them..

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