Tuesday, 6 July 2010

Trying SO hard...

This last month has been so hard.  I began feeling the symptoms a week before I was due on.  Tired, irritable, weepy.  The art therapy I've been going to has brought up lots of past stuff, and with it fresh in my head, I feel the pain all over again.  I cant see how this is helping, and I think I truly have come to the end of getting benefits from counselling type therapies.  The past is the past, I cannot change it, so why keep talking about it?

I have been actively trying to stick to my commitments, to stop cancelling things, but last week, everyone cancelled on me.  This leaves me with no plans, and too much time to think and dwell.  I got so frustrated, so upset with everyone...

Right now, what I need is help keeping myself stable throughout the month.  June's period sent me into a complete breakdown.  I fear I have damaged my relationship.  Things are back on track, but I fear that the craziness every month may keep chipping away and ruin everything.

Today, I'm 2 days away from ovulation.  The past 3-4 days have been ok.  My mood's been happier, still tired all the time, but the day's have been passing without any issues.  I woke up today, and immediately got stressed out with the kids.  Hmmm... I thought, I better check when I'm ovulating, and it turns out, in about 2 days.  So 3 days... thats it? 3 days of being ok, and then today I'm feeling stressed, anxious, and teary.  I'm tired and although I'm not cramping, I definately dont feel right.

Last week, during the aftermath of the weekend's breakdown, I sent emails for help.  I found a Shaman woman called Ros, who invited me to go to a 5 Rhythms session.  I went, and it was great.  I will tell all in another post.  I also contacted a guy who specialises in nutrition and functional medicine, and I am hoping to speak to him this week.  I'm so tired, so fed up with this...

5 comments:

Liana at livingwithpmdd.com said...

Hi, Cat, I hope you've found some help. Prayers and blessings, Liana

Douchebaguette said...

Found you through the messageboard. I totally identify, for me the crushing self- doubt is the most difficult. I agree that since the past can't be changed, there's a limit to how much you should let it change you. :)

Ruth said...

Just found your blog and could have written that post for this past week. I feel the chipping away.

snoopyluv said...

Hello! I found your blog and it's nice to know I'm not the only one dealing with horrid days! so your not alone!! :P

Cat said...

Thankyou for your comments. Another down day today... :(

TRYING not to feel completely useless.

Cat xx

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