Monday, 8 November 2010

My story in the paper...

It comes out... tomorrow!

I'm still a bit nervous about it.  I wont know exactly what it says until tomorrow, I dont know what the picture of me is like... and OMG.. I can quite believe it's happened!  I guess I'm worried about people I have known in the past seeing it.. people I went to school with, ex-boyfriends...  I suppose they will all realise why I was a bit crazy back then!
I am not majorly stressing, as I expect the reality is, that it will come out, the day will pass and no-one will say anything!!
At least I have tried to get the message out... that PMDD is real.  It's as debilitating as any other mental health disorder, sometimes more so.. it comes with a whole array of horrible physical symptoms, and trying to find the right treatment for you, is a long and arduous journey.  It's like having a force that is constantly working against you, and no matter what you do, it gets you.  Even when you are expecting symptoms, you are never quite sure when they will hit, or to what degree.  Will it be anger or sadness? frustration and rage, or sucidal feelings?  The guilt is sometimes too hard to bear, and the damage sometimes to much to fix.

Today has been spacey.  Day 3 of my cycle.  I'm pretty calm.. but I cant get focussed on anything.  Lots of things I could have done, but didn't.  The kids are really stressing me out at the moment, and the headaches... urgh... 4 days of headaches bad enough I have to sit in the dark, or go to bed.  My back is still bad, and energy is very low.

Tomorrow will be a quiet day, and I have promised to go easy on myself, but I would like to get a couple of things done that I put off today.  A trip to the shop to get a paper, of course, walk the dog, and an early night are the only things planned.

Achieve something, everyday, no matter how small.... words I live by at the moment.

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