Tuesday, 23 November 2010

Shooting yourself in the foot.

 I'm so gutted.

Over the past couple of weeks I've been holding together, focussing on my Reflexology studies and trying to keep on top of it.  It's great to have a focus, and my days are more structured now, as I have to get homework ready every week.
The other project I was working on was some volunteer work.  The plan was to offer my therapist services to a charity organisation that helps women.  It offers support, friendship, activities and therapies to women who are struggling to cope with life, family, kids, domestic abuse, drugs...
I went along earlier this year, but I barely used the services, as I find it hard to go along to things, and I was in a pretty bad place at the beginning of this year.  It was nice to know it was there if I needed it, and I met my art therapist there every week, although that wasnt arranged through the centre.
I now find myself in an impossible situation.  They would love to have me as a therapist there, but they cant allow me to volunteer as I have recently 'used' the service.  This means that I cannot volunteer for the next 2 years with them.  How ridiculous.  Does no-one understand that some people heal and get better in different ways?  Being in need does me no good, I feel like it keeps me in that place, it keeps me believing that I cant get out there like everyone else and do something great.  If I take on the role of the therapist, my stuff is immediately abandoned and I focus on the client.  I feel empowered, I can give good advice, I can listen and share...  TWO YEARS... I may not even be living here in 2 years time.  That doesnt even give me a chance of volunteering with them in the future.  I'm hoping that in 2 years I'll be working part time, earning and supporting my family, keeping busy to keep my head in check.  I need volunteer work NOW! to prepare for the next few years.
The organisation even checked with management.  I am so angry.   I only met 2 other service users, and only attended twice, and that ruins my plans to help, to offer free or low cost aromatherapy and reflexology to other ladies who probably really need it.  Right now, I wish I never set foot through their doors, I wish I never asked for help, cos it's really messed up my plan for getting well.
I am wobbling a bit today.  Ovulation is due on friday, but I have had really painful cramps for the past few days.  I've booked in with the doc as I dont understand why I am getting such bad cramps after my period has ended and quite a few days away from ovulation.
There are other options I can try.  Other organisations that may want my services, but I really wanted to help this one, as it specifically helps women just like me!  well, it did... it doesnt anymore.

Completely and unintentionally shot myself in the foot and feel really let down... :(

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