HAWMC blog challenge

So.. I did ok for a week... then it was time to bleed, and ever since my thoughts have been far from blogging.  So, herein lies the issue with PMDD.  There is no continuity.  I kept looking back over the prompts and every single one seemed like an impossible task.. where as a week before they all seemed challenging and exciting.

I have not been sleeping well, and generally I've been focused on keeping myself balanced and stable.  Every time I got stressed about the blog challenge, I just had to walk away, and forget about it.

I kinda feel like I failed...  but then, I have to think about the fact I DID get a weeks worth of posts out.. and compared to my normal rate of 2-3 blogs a month, that's pretty good going!  I have got some good ideas for blogs in the future and will always have the prompts to fall back on!

As writing seemed impossible, I got on with a new drawing.. which, even if I do say so myself, has come out really well.  Seeing what I have achieved makes me let go of any guilt of disappointment over not continuing with the blog challenge.

That's what it's all about.  Releasing the stress.. weighing it up and really asking yourself if it's worth getting upset about!

Most of the time, that's NO!

A bit of a stumble

So what happened to my blog challenge posts for the past few days?

That would be a late period, followed by finally getting my bleed on Saturday, coupled with Easter weekend and family commitments and a new drawing trying to be birthed (it feels like the slowest process on record when the kids are on half term!)

I have had the worst cramps and it's day 3 and still going...  my mind is all over the place and the weather has turned back a few months and it's cold and pouring with rain.  The mood in my world right now is low and unstable.

I hope to catch up with posts and continue with the challenge again as soon as I can.  The nature of the beast....  Impossible to keep the flow for a whole 30 days.  I'm stumbling, but as always, I will pick myself up, brush myself off and get on with it all again soon.

xx

Ekphrasis Post

Day 5 of the Health Activist Writers Month Challenge.

Ekphrasis Post. Go to flickr.com/explore and write a post inspired by the image. Can you link it to your health focus? Don’t forget to post the image!

Ekphrasis: a literary description of or commentary on a visual work of art.

 
Art by http://www.flickr.com/photos/morphicx/7034335579/

I love this type of challenge!! mainly because it always amazes me how the 'chance' picture you come across can be so apt.

Wow... and this image couldn't be more perfect for PMDD.  A girl alone on a dirt track.  The sky behind full of storm clouds.  A cage.

PMDD is certainly a cage of symptoms that has a door on time release.  When the turmoil of hormones looses it's grip, the cage door is flung open, allowing the real woman to escape.  Freedom.  Release.  Excitement and energy.  We fly away from the PMDD, even if only for a few days.  Then, as the cycle turns, the door slams shut, and again, we find ourselves trapped in the crazy emotions and anxiety that our sensitivity to hormones brings.  We are walking alone again, along that dirt track, withe the clouds heavy with rain.

Like the girl in the picture, we hold on to this cage, as for some, it is all we know.  The cage can be comfortable in that sense.  Plus there is an element of not being able to get rid of the cage, as that is to some extent, out of out control.  It's like out hands are superglued to the picture.

This picture, encompasses so many elements of PMDD.  Why is she sitting down? is she tired of carrying the cage?  She watches the colourful birds flying away... almost with envy that they are free and she still has a long way to walk through the storm.  It could rain at any moment.  There is uncertainty.  Just like living with PMDD...  The uncertainty of how we will feel from one day to the next.  The fear that we will be forever trapped.

But the birds DO fly free.  In the same way that every month we find that freedom, and can leave the cage, and the storm, behind.

I write about my health because...

Day 4 of the Health Activist Writers Month Challenge.

I write about my health because… Reflect on why you write about your health for 15-20 minutes without stopping.

It's weird... for me writing about my life and disorder has become normal, but I guess others may see it as a bit bizarre or self indulgent.  I can't imagine NOT writing out the things in my head.

I started blogging over 10 years ago.  Back then, I had no idea I had PMDD.  My marriage had just ended, a relationship of 10 years.  I was on my own in a strange town as I'd moved away with my daughter who was then 3 years old.  I had a computer and access to the internet and I was stuck in alone, every single day and night, trying to raise a child and dealing with being single for the first time in my adult.

I relied on chat rooms mainly, for company of an evening and then I discovered blogging.  The platform of choice was Diary X and the computer (and internet) was run by hamsters.  I could remain anonymous, and I would type out all my feelings and talk about the things that had happened to me in my life.  I look back and cringe at the honesty.  The things I would reveal and share to the world.  I often do the same about some of my earlier posts on this blog, but the honesty has led me to where I am now.  Being able to help and comfort hundreds of other women who read my blog.


I write about my health because it gives my mind an outlet.  PMDD makes my thoughts spiral.  I find myself full of words and no one to say them too.  A blog gives me that space to let it all out.

Moods and Musings is 5 years old this year.  For the first 3 years, it was a place to feel sorry for myself.  It was a place to let out my frustrations.  When I started this blog, I had been diagnosed with Pre Menstrual Dysphoric disorder.  I didn't blog that regularly, but I knew it was there if I needed it.  It was called Moods and Musings as I ofter liked to write about things other than my disorder, and my mind wanders.. I like to indulge that.  In the past two years my focus changed.  I was fed up with just spilling out my woes, and I also figured that it was all becoming a pretty depressing read.  So, I decided to start writing articles and compiling informative blog posts that would have the potential of helping others.  At the same time I started a support group on Facebook, that has gone from strength to strength and I now have a total of 3 meeting places on Facebook for women with PMDD.

My health over the past 5 years has also improved.  My life has changed dramatically, and in turn has given me more strength to find the positive in things.  I have learned better ways of dealing and living with PMDD.  I have my journey here in front of me.... and it's out there for others to share.
I still write about my experiences, but I now try to make every post more positive.  Yes, women with PMDD are looking for women with similar stories, and to know that they aren't the only one, but they are also looking for alternative ways of coping, for tips, ideas and theories that might shed some light on their life.

So, I now blog because I know I have readers.. because I know that my articles have helped others to come to some realisation that in turn has helped them.  I STILL need an outlet for my busy mind and all the thoughts in my head, and for as long as I can find things to write about, I will be blogging!

Superpower Day!

Day 3 of the Health Activist Writers Month Challenge.

Superpower Day. If you had a superpower – what would it be? How would you use it?

It took me a long time to think of an answer to this as I believe that there are many 'powers' that us humans have that are pretty super!

If I were to have a superpower, it would have to be teleportation.  I would love to be able to go anywhere in the world at the wiggle of a nose.. in a kitch Bewitched stylee!

On my bad days, I could zip over to Australia or America to meet up with some of my very good online friends who are also sufferers of PMDD, or find myself sitting on a beach in Hawaii while it pours down with rain the in UK.

I'm not the best at traveling, especially alone, so to be able to think about where I want to go, then pop up there a few seconds later would just be the best power.

I could go see bands that I love when they tour everywhere except for England, and catch things early in the cinema!!

I would nip over to New York to meet my favourite artist Alex Grey and attend one of his full moon events, and enrol on some of the courses in the USA that I just simply drool over when reading about!

The first place I would go is to India.  It has been my dream destination since I was a child.  I am Anglo Indian, and would love to spend time over there and visit where my grandparents lived... I would visit all the amazing historic places around the globe, but not before purchasing a very fancy camera so I could log all my travels!

Quotation Inspiration

Day 2 of the Health Activist Writers Month Challenge.

Quotation Inspiration. Find a quote that inspires you (either positively or negatively) and free write about it for 15 minutes.

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along, with patience and equanimity.
Carl Jung

I have chosen this quote as sufferers of PMDD are on a constant mission to find happiness, often forgetting that everyone is on the same mission.  The reason it becomes such an obsession is because PMDD leads the sufferer to experience extreme states of depression and anxiety, often without the equal amount of euphoria on the 'good' days, as with bipolar sufferers.  Sure, with my PMDD I experience a rush of energy and feelings of happiness, but due to the rapid cycling of symptoms, it can sometimes be clouded by the knowledge that this will be short lived.

It is often talked about that to gauge happiness, we have to experience sadness.  Without something to measure it against, we would be oblivious to the different states of mind.  The main difference between life with PMDD and life without PMDD is the monthly cycle.  If you don't have PMDD, happy times can last longer than a few days.  With PMDD, you know that inevitably, the clouds will roll in eventually and your mood will drop.  I know that every sufferer lives in hope that this month will be the month when it doesn't happen, only to feel frustrated and disappointed when it does.

As the quote suggests, it is much better to take every day as it comes and react accordingly.  This is not easy with the busy lives we lead, with commitments and duties, but if you want to get through each month without a major breakdown, it is often essential.  When we say that PMDD affects every single aspect of your life, every single day of the month we are not exaggerating.

Patience is also key.   The dictionary describes patience as 'the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like'.  'An ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay' and 'a quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence.'  When your mood drops, you are likely to be confronted with many negative emotions.  Everything can annoy you, frustrate you and cause anxiety.  The one thing we can be sure of during these times, is that they are temporary, and the same things in a week or so, will not affect you in the same way.  Therefore, to be patient, with yourself and others is a really good way to get through these trying times.

Equanimity is an evenness of mind especially under stress.  This is very challenging for a woman with PMDD, as the usual perceptions of life and the world around them is twisted and warped, however, if we can try to strive for this calm, by keeping centered, then we can get through the rough times with less stress.  Other words to described equanimity are, composure, collectedness, serenity and tranquility.  It's about staying in the centre of the wheel, while the world spins around you, rather then falling into the outer rim of the wheel and being spun around and caught up in the crazy emotions.

Women with PMDD are actually blessed with being able to feel the full spectrum of emotions, and as the quote suggests, it is essential to accept the dark times as a valuable measure of the good times.  Women with PMDD can achieve great things, they hold great strength within and are very intelligent and capable.  Every success is even sweeter when accomplished alongside PMDD, as the road to get there is more difficult for them than it is for others.

If I were to sum up PMDD visually, it would be a Yin Yang.  The black side, representing the bad days, but with a spot of white to remind you this is temporary and good things ARE possible. With the flip side being the white side, that will always contain a spot of black, representing the fact that you have travelled through dark times to reach this place.  It also symbolises the fact that within the good times, there is always a pang that the dark times will come, and more importantly, within the dark times, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.  Clear thinking will always return and life will feel good again.

PMDD Time Capsule

Day 1 of the Health Activist Writers Month Challenge.

Health Time Capsule. Pretend you’re making a time capsule of you & your health focus that won’t be opened until 2112. What’s in it? What would people think of it when they found it?

If I created a time capsule for PMDD, I would have to include a few books on the subject.

The PMDD Phenomenon by Diana Dell would be one, as it was the first book I read about PMDD that helped me chart and get diagnosed.  From the medical point of view it covers pretty much everything you need to know about PMDD although sadly, now out of print and a little out of date, it was a saving grace when everything else failed to give me the information I needed.

My book!!  Obviously, I would need to finish it first!  It will be a compilation of many women's personal stories of their PMDD.  This book will be the real life version of PMDD.. in women's own words.

The Women's Quest workbook by Alexandra Pope.  This workbook enabled me to understand my menstrual cycle in a different way, and showed me that it isn't all bad, and there are valid reasons for the up's and down's.  I attribute most of my healing to this way of thinking and continue to learn about the spiritual side of the menstrual cycle and it's gifts.  Learning to observe and keep calm is essential to keeping on track and not letting you mind spin out of control.

Mood Charts to show the people of the future how much information is needed to diagnose PMDD.  Very few people realise how much this disorder affect every aspect of your life, and how hard it is to get the correct diagnosis.

A Mooncup.  This simple little device has helped my periods get lighter and less painful.  It is eco-friendly and means a lot less waste going into landfill.  I think everyone should try one!!  I have been using one for 8 months and my periods are now very light and only last a few days.  It's a fantastic little invention.

My Menstrual Cycle Energy Poster, that illustrates the symbolic nature of the menstrual cycle.

I would also include some of my art that I created about PMDD.

 

30 Day Blog challenge for April 2012

I will be participating in a new activity this April.

The Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge hosted by WEGO Health.

I will be writing a post a day for all 30 days. If you write a blog, I hope you'll join me in writing every day about health. It's going to be a lot of fun and I'd love to see what you have to say about each of the topics, too.  I've seen the topics and am looking forward to using the prompts to create some interesting posts!

All you have to do to join is sign up here: http://info.wegohealth.com/HAWMC2012 and you'll be able to start posting once April rolls around.

Gotta love a challenge eh!