New PMDD art...

It's day 4.  I've got a week without my kids.  I get ONE week a year without them, and it's my down time...  I've spent hours dreaming about nothing in particular over the past 4 days.  Someone I know recently called it 'silent staring'.  I've barely seen another living soul during the day.  I've hardly left the house.  Dreams of painting, drawing, shopping, trips out have all gone out the window.  I feel like I've wasted the time.

Damn.  I still have so much to conquer.  Normally I would retreat, withdraw, but not having the kids about is a massive change.  I can't settle, I'm not used to it, I feel lost.  So rather than use this time  to indulge, I've done nothing.  I've rested I suppose, but I still find it hard to rest when there feels like so little time to get things done.  If this had been next week, I would have had energy.  The decorating jobs may have got done, I would have been productive,  I would have been social but this week there has been no energy.

Today, I forced myself to sit with a piece of paper.  I know it will do me good if I get something drawn.  At least I would feel like I achieved something this week (other than holding it together during important yet stressful phone calls, of which there have been a few)  I've been feeling so frustrated with myself, so annoyed and stressed...  To avoid a potential disaster, I knew I had to do something.

I had no idea what I was going to draw.  I just drew a circle and picked up a pencil.  I used ink pencils, fine liners and a sharpie, water and a brush.  I didn't overly like what I was doing, but I stuck with it.  I don't really know what to say about it, so I'll let it speak for itself.  At least I did achieve something today.

Day 4 by Cat Hawkins

It's full moon this evening too, which never seems to help my mood.  It is also the festival of Lughnasadh, the first harvest, so there are lots of powerful energies going on.  I am hoping for a better day tomorrow and a weekend away under canvas and the stars.
Recharge and relax... properly.

Bees and The Goddess

Melissa – Goddess of the Bees by Cat Stone 2012

Prismacolor, fine liners, acrylic paint.

Melissa is a given name for a female child. The name comes from the Greek word μέλισσα (melissa), "honey bee", which in turn comes from μέλι (meli), "honey"...... Melissa also refers to the plant known as lemon balm (family Lamiaceae; genus and species Melissa officinalis).

- Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melissa)

The Melissae - At the temple of Aphrodite at Eryx, priestesses were called “melissae”, which means “bees,” and Aphrodite herself was called Melissa, the queen bee. To read more http://beelore.com/2008/01/20/the-melissae-and-aphrodite-in-ancient-greece/

Bees are sacred to Venus, they are the symbol of the Goddess and the Sacred Feminine. Venus is the ultimate feminine energy. Venus rules Fridays, beauty, harmony and nectar of life. She is the Goddess of Love. She represents joy, rapture, art, music, food, indulgence, attraction, desire. In Greek mythology Venus is Aphrodite from whose name comes the word "aphrodisiac," that which induces desire. From Venus' name comes the word "venereal," which literally means "of lust."

Albert Einstein, once said that "if the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe, man would have only four years to live".

It is estimated that one third of the human food supply is down to insect pollination, most of which is done by the honeybee. Bees are being affected by Colony Collapse disorder, which is when a hive suddenly lose all it's worker bees. The hive suffers and dies. The bee population in the United Kingdom dropped by around 30% between 2007 and 2008. Pesticides are also killing our bees. Seeds sown with pesticide results in contaminated nectar.  

After six weeks, colonies exposed to the pesticide were lighter than the others, suggesting that workers had brought back less food to the hive. But the most dramatic effect was on queen production. The naturally-fed hives produced around 14 queens each - those exposed to the pesticide, just two (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-17535769)

Bee's are truly important to human life. As a feminine symbol, they conjure up images of millions of dedicated Melissae, working for Gaia, Mother Earth, keeping it alive. Their pollinations brings us fruit, flowers, plants.. the world would be very different without bees. The queen bee gives life to all the other bees. Far from being in control, she is their main life source. She will populate the hive. A good queen bee can lay 2000 eggs per day in the spring.

The symbol in the centre is the symbol of the sacral chakra. The sacral chakra is located below the navel in the area of the womb. It is the centre for creativity, for emotions, feelings, sexuality, manifestation, balance, honouring relationships and learning to let go. It is coloured orange, and it's element is water. Water is mutable, flowing, and feminine. Honey is one of the foods connected to helping cleanse and open up the sacral chakra.

The mandala features the Flower if Life pattern:

The Flower of Life is the modern name given to a geometrical figure composed of multiple evenly-spaced, overlapping circles. It is considered by some to be a symbol of sacred geometry, said to contain ancient, religious value depicting the fundamental forms of space and time.

There are many spiritual beliefs associated with the Flower of Life; for example, depictions of the five Platonic solids are found within the symbol of Metatron's Cube, which may be derived from the Flower of Life pattern. These Platonic solids are geometrical forms which are said to act as a template from which all life springs.

The basic symmetry of the Flower of Life - radiating hexagonally outward from the centre and branching off into more hexagonally radiating structures - is also the basic shape of a snowflake. Life originally evolved in water, and all life on Earth requires water as the essential compound of life. Therefore, an additional aspect to the symbolism is to be found in the fact that the geometrical structure of crystallized water is also the basic structure of the Flower of Life (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flower_of_Life).

To find out more about helping preserve our bees, follow some of these links!

British Beekeepers Association http://www.bbka.org.uk/

Help save Bees http://www.helpsavebees.co.uk/index.html

Save our Bees.org http://www.saveourbees.org.uk/

Vanishing of the Bees http://vanishingbees.co.uk/

Bees for development http://www.beesfordevelopment.org/

Bumblebee Conservation Trust http://www.bumblebeeconservation.org.uk/

Bees Abroad http://www.beesabroad.org.uk/

To see more of my artwork go to http://www.chaoticat.com. and https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cat-Stone-Visionary-Artist/8337911701

All artwork © Cat Stone 2012

Blessed Bee xx

A big THANK-YOU...

.. to everyone that has visited my site.  Mood and Musings has now reached over 9000 page views!

Please continue to visit often, pass on the link and share with others who may be interested.  Maybe I can hit 10,000 by Christmas!

The most popular articles have been:

What is PMDD? - http://meetmypmdd.blogspot.com/2011/10/what-is-pmdd.html
What is Dysphoria? - http://meetmypmdd.blogspot.com/2011/09/what-is-dysphoria.html

Mood Charts and Tracking - http://meetmypmdd.blogspot.com/2011/07/mood-charts-and-tracking-symptoms_17.html

Mandalas - A tool for coping with PMDD - http://meetmypmdd.blogspot.com/2011/03/colouring-mandalas-tool-for-coping-with.html
A PMDD Crisis Guide - http://meetmypmdd.blogspot.com/2011/01/pmdd-crisis-guide.html

With lots of love

Cat xx

Colouring mandalas - a tool for coping with PMDD

Mandala is the Sanskrit word for 'circle or wheel'. Circular designs have been used throughout the ages in religious ceremonies, to decorate spiritual buildings, protect homes and for meditation.

The circle represents so many things that are familiar to us. The Earth we live on, the eyes we look into, the Moon, Sun... Circles and cycles, a forward movement that takes us round and round. The seasons, our days and nights, our menstrual cycles, life and death.

If you drop a pebble into a lake, the rings, ever increasing ripple out wards. The orbits of our planets, flowers, tree rings, crop circles, wheels... you can see mandalas everywhere.

The practice of colouring a mandala, or doing a mandala meditation, is a way to promote good health, and aid relaxation. By focusing on a mandala, and colouring, you allow your brain to calm. The swirling thoughts and stress, is quietened with a need to do no more than fill a space with colour. During the ups and downs of PMDD, there are times when you just don't know what to do with yourself. Making decisions becomes impossible along with taking in information. Loud noises, repetitive noises, arguments, all add to fuel, an already stoked fire of hormones and feelings.

By taking an hour or so, maybe in the evening before bed, while watching rubbish on telly, or in the afternoon when the kids are at school, you can help to give your tired and overworked brain a rest.

The only thing there is to worry about, is what colour you will use.

If you want to make the experience even more centering and calming, turn off the TV, and work to some of your favourite music, or silence, listening to the sounds outside. Light a candle, place a crystal on the table, or light some incense.

Sit with your chosen mandala. You will find free downloads on my art website or plenty in a google search, ready to print off and colour. Look at your colours. Whether they are pencils, oil pastels, paint (remember that paint on printer paper isn't always the best combo), just choose a colour. Whatever you are most drawn to. Pick a part of the design to start with and colour!

The next colour will come, and the next and before you know it, you're on your way to finishing your mandala. No need to think, no need to make big decisions.

The benefits in colouring mandalas are quite amazing. Finding the centre, journeying within, allowing yourself to be calm, are all ways to aid relaxation and de-stress.

The benefits of meditation have been documented and include:

• slower breathing and heart rate
• increase in blood flow
• brings blood pressure back to normal
• reduces anxiety levels
• decreases tension in the muscles
• increases serotonin production
• helps in dealing with chronic illness
• builds self-confidence
• reduces PMS
• enhances immune system
• reduces emotional distress

It is especially important for women to meditate regularly. The benefits for women include a deeper understanding of who 'they' are. It is easy to become lost in life. Being a mum, wife, lover, sister, daughter.. the emotional pressures are endless. Meditating on a mandala, giving yourself time to contemplate, who you are, what your feelings are, what you want from life, can help you find your path, your direction. The calm can leave space for intuition. For instinct. It can help you make those big decisions, to find the confidence to start something and see it through to the end. By starting small, you can build up.

 

Click here to see more of Cat's mandalas.

Colouring a mandala is one of the easiest ways to meditate. It is hard to train yourself to just sit, do nothing, think about nothing... but it is easy enough to move your thoughts to something simpler.

Colouring takes us back to our childhood, to good times, of just laying on the floor, tongue out, scribbling away at a picture of a butterfly. PMDD is so stressful, so tiring, it screws everything up in your head till you snap. Sit down, and do something simple. Colour a mandala.

You can find plenty of mandalas to download for free online... just have a search.

It's simple, cheap and no drawing talent or ability is required!  Have a go!

The Red Lotus

I had the urge to create a PMDD Mandala.
The lotus flower is rich in symbolism, and is often used in Mandalas.

The lotus flower starts it's life deep down in the murky mud at the bottom of a lake.  Through sheer determination and lust for life, the lotus grows a stem to the water's surface, where it produces the most beautiful flower.
The lotus flower will open and close with the sun.  While it is closed, it is reserving heat and precious energy, ready to bloom again the next day.  It represents the struggle of life, the beautiful bloom at the end of a long hard journey.

I have often felt that the periods of down time and bad days are a time when the world has to stop, our focus is drawn inwards.  We heal, we work out our 'stuff', we re-energise.  A lady with PMDD would be forgiven for hating the bad times, for all the set backs it causes and all the old memories re-lived, but maybe it helps to see this time as a way to rest and learn from the thought's we have.  This is all easier said then done, but whats the alternative?  Live in constant fear, in anger and frustration?  Like the mandala, we need to find a centre.  A place where we can find a calm.

Only today, I have had a day of barely speaking to anyone.  I am due on any day now.  I can feel it getting close, and I draw within, I hardly speak (which if you know the 'good' me, you know thats not right!).  I sat in silence for hours today.  Writing, reading, thinking..  I had a long hot bath and then a rest and snooze in bed.  I had kept calm all day.  But I'd been alone.  The kids get home from school and within minutes I'd began screaming and yelling.  I start feeling anxious and stressed.  I want to cry.
The anger builds up because I want to be alone.  I want to keep that calm, cos if I don't it's like a spinning top losing it's centre.  I lock myself away in the kitchen, I provide food, drink and allow the eldest to go out - the more she is away from me at this time the better... and that's not because I don't love her.  I just want... need, to be alone.

The lotus flower is special to various religions.  In Egypt it is said the Sun rose out of a lotus flower.  In Buddhism, a red lotus represents the heart--its purity, original nature, compassion, passion and love.  Red also relates to our menstrual blood, our anger, rage and pain.  In Hinduism, the lotus also means non-attachment.
Non-attachment means being able to release an attachment to an outcome.  For instance, you say you will meet a friend for a cuppa, but you wake up that morning and are feeling terrible.  The PMDD has thrown the mother of all moods, or headache, or cramps (insert any other symptom here that stops you from being able to leave the house) and you realise you aren't going to be able to go.  If you are attached to the idea of that  meeting and it doesn't happen, you will feel bad, guilty, stressed.  You may feel like your friend will never speak to you again (another attachment), you may feel like you are rubbish, that you upset everyone around you, everyone must hate you, or maybe you are just really gutted, you never get to go out, you never get to meet up with people... spiraling out of control till your day becomes unbearable.
If you can release those thoughts and the attachments you give to outcomes (and remember you are not in a great head space to be giving positive thoughts) then you can stop all the stressing.  So your day didn't go to plan, so you feel awful, SO WHAT?  Use that day to look after yourself, to listen to the good voices within, to create, to rest, sleep, bake, draw... anything that just involves you and your Goddess of God.  Don't sweat the small stuff, just change your day.

Many things in life are paradoxes. One can be totally devoted to someone and yet be non-attached. Now there is a difference between non-attachment and detachment. Detachment is to exclude oneself from all activities of life and just to be far away, to become reclusive. To be non-attached is to be able to partake of every activity of the mind and body and spirit and yet be above it all. Now, when ones goes into detachment, it could be a form of escape, where one does not face up to the responsibilities.

The lunar phases around the lotus represent the eternal cycle of PMDD we are locked in.  The Moon represents the feminine, the unknown, the unconscious.  It cycles every month, just like us, and goes from dark to light.

We need to try and use our cycle to our benefit, even if that benefit is small.  Even if you just stop beating yourself up on the bad days, and just accept this is part of your flow, look after yourself and stay calm.  Everything in life goes through cycles, ours just happen to be monthly and difficult.