How do you feel about being a woman?

Guest blogger Emma shares with us some thoughts about the bigger picture of PMDD.  First published in one of my support groups.. we all thought it too good not to share!

The fact is, I hate being a woman, always have, might always will. I hate it so much that for a brief moment years ago, I even contemplated turning into a man. I wished I had been born a man, because they have it so bloody easy, and I almost resent them for just being men and having it so easy. Women have so much to put up with in their lives, so much shit to have to go through. Not only do men have it easy, but they don't realise how easy they have it....I find that annoying too. 

I actually get quite envious of my husband because he has been able to live his life without any bother in the world. Everyday floats into the next. He can complete his projects, because he has mentally got the stamina and the motivation to do it. He puts his head on the pillow, and within seconds he is snoring, without a care in the world. Where as, as soon as I think I'm getting somewhere in life, (in my 2 weeks of feeling well) even if it's just getting into a routine with housework, or being able to get up in the morning feeling happy and joyful, something soon comes back and tells me I can't do it, and stops me from wanting to, and stops me from being able to. I have had a lifetime of feeling depressed, with tiny bits of happiness and glimpses of what life could be like if I was free to feel joy constantly, like my husband can.

Women throughout the ages have had it so hard. It has been a constant battle from the word dot (...or so it seems. It would be interesting to see at what point it was in our ancient past when being a women became in issue). Women have always been the ones who never had any rights, who were always disgraced if they stepped out of line. Who were, and still are, taken advantage of. Women have always been nothing more than objects for men to own. If a women fell pregnant out of wedlock, or had an affair whilst married and subsequently gave birth to a bastard child, society (mainly men) punished her, and she would live for ever more in disgrace. Often sent to the workhouses, and made to wear Black and Yellow striped uniform to warn everyone of their disgraceful behaviour, and having their children taken off them because they are classed as not being good enough to care for their children anymore due to their disgraceful behaviour.

Yet it is perfectly acceptable for men to have affairs, to 'spread their seed', to have their cake and eat it, and in some countries, have several wives!!! Why can't women be like that? Why can't women have several husbands? Men are classed as being a bit of a stud when he sleeps around. Yet women are labelled as whores. Why do we have to be the whores? Why do we have to have the crap end of the deal with everything?

Women were institutionalized in the olden days, because they were labelled insane, when really all that was wrong was a bit of PMT, or serious hormonal issues. Women's issues have always been a taboo, and women are looked down upon as the weaker sex. Menstruation is classed as dirty, and is seen as a 'problem', even an illness. 

Women were burnt at stakes, Drowned in the rivers, and hanged because they were supposedly witches.....Lordy knows, I would have been burnt a long time ago if these present days were anything like the past.
Even today, women are stoned to death because she is not allowed to have any feelings, or any rights for herself. She is still owned in some cultures, and women are still being sold as we speak, like objects. Families choosing who and when their daughters should marry. In some countries, as soon as a girl starts her periods, she is sold to a pedophile to get married. Girls even younger, 7 years old for god sake, are being sold for marriage to these sick bastards. Women are used and abused, because men think they can, and because they think they have a god given right to do as they please. 

But when anything comes down to blame, it's almost always the woman that takes it all, it's almost always the woman that looks bad. She is the one that has sinned, and not the man.

All the pain we have to go through, all the physical changes we have to put up with for the majority of our lives, the pain of child birth, the ever lasting damage it causes our bodies. And then there's all the household chores, and the fact that the woman has duties, to her husband, and her children.The physical abuse, the mental abuse, making the woman feel vulnerable and powerless.

My husband is amazing, and doesn't expect anything from me. But that's because he's my equal, and I just think I am lucky. Although I have had an idiot for a partner in my past, and I was lucky enough to see sense and get out while I could. Not before he created some damage though one way or another. I know so many men out there too who are complete twats to their wives, or girlfriends, because they believe that the woman's place is in the home, doing all their duties. 

I just wonder whether any of these issues affect other women, or is it just me? 
.....If we dislike being women, for what ever reason, then maybe we are unconsciously rejecting the natural changes that being a woman is all about....do you see what I mean?

I was told by someone last year that I will be coming into 'my power', but I never quite understood what was meant. I think I understand now. The power that was meant is the feminine power that we all hold within ourselves. The stuff we are made of, but which has been suppressed by men. If you think about it, with almost every species in the world, it is always the females that lead. She dominates the males to get what she wants. Ants, for example, get their wings in order to find a queen to mate with her. But as soon as he has mated, he dies, because he is no longer needed. The rest of the males are workers for the queen. You don't ever find a 'King Bee', only Queens, because she is the one with the greater strength to lead and carry on. 
We also have the strength to lead, and be great. We are built strong, so we can carry our babies and love them unconditionally. We have the strength to face the pain we endure during birth. I think we're all pretty much in agreement that men wouldn't stand a chance. They say that birth is the closest point to death a women will ever be (without dying of course), so we are built physically and mentally strong enough to be more than capable to do it over and over again. We have the power, but it has been suppressed for centuries. But now it's time to take it back.

I think I need to take back my power now. I did have a taste of it last year, and my Yoga helped a lot. I just need to believe in myself, and know that the power exists within me.

by Emma PF

NAPS Study Day

National Association for Pre menstrual Syndrome (NAPS)

Study Day on Women's Health - 1st March 2013

Women and their Hormones

I was very kindly invited along to the recent NAPS Study day on Women's Health in Southampton. As a PMS Lay Champion, PMDD sufferer and Health Activist I was permitted to attend the event which is usually only for medical professionals and trainee's. It was an amazing opportunity for me to get a window into what goes on behind the scenes and a perfect opportunity to share with others and let them know what happens at these things!  Thankfully, I was in the ovulatory phase of my cycle, and so was able to attend. Had the conference been held a week later, I may not have made it!

The venue (The Hub Theatre in Southampton) was very nice. Bright, clean and welcoming. It was really lovely to meet Jackie, the CEO of NAPS, as we had spoken via email quite a few times. I was a bit nervous, but after a coffee and a chat with Jackie, It felt good to be there.

Talks started with Mr Nick Panay, Consultant Gynaecologist and the Chairman of NAPS. After an introduction to the day and NAPS, he went on to talk us all through the NAPS guidelines on the management of PMS. These guidelines are available for £5 from the NAPS website and provide a very useful tool for GP's and patients when devising plans for managing PMS. Nick touched on the history of PMS, quoting Hippocrates and that the first time anyone made any connections between PMS and cyclical ovarian activity was in 1873 by Henry Maudsley. In the 19th century many called it 'Menstrual madness' and believed it was brought on by women reading serious books or playing music! By 1931 the term Pre Menstrual Tension was coined and in 1953, Dalton and Greene introduced the term Pre Menstrual Syndrome. In 1957 Katharina Dalton set up the first ever PMS clinic. The National Association of Pre menstrual Syndrome was founded by Dalton in 1983 and 5 years later, Professor John Studd discovered that menstruation was not an essential feature of PMS and began to use the term Ovarian Cycle Syndrome. Despite the recognition in the medical profession, the stereotypes, myths and taboos that surround menstruation continue to this day, with negative articles in women's magazines still being published. You would have thought that with all the research and support from medical professionals that this would no longer happen, but unfortunately PMS is still the butt of many jokes and is not taken seriously by the general population.

Mr Panay's talk was followed by Dr Carrie Sadler (GP and Associate Specialist in Reproductive health) and Ms Annie Hawkins (O+G Locum Consultant at Chelsea and Westminster Hospital) who shared results taken from the Southampton Women's Survey and the NAPS Survey 2011. It was interesting to know that such a study had taken place. The Southampton Women's Survey started in the 1990's and interviewed over 12000 non pregnant women and included questions about PMS. The survey also followed these women through pregnancy and the development of their children. The most interesting conclusion was that women were less likely to have symptoms if they had been educated about the effects of the menstrual cycle and how to manage their symptoms. It was also noted that stress was a major factor in the severity of symptoms. Both surveys showed the need for more research and funding for raising awareness.

I would like to see more education for teenage girls in schools. If we educated our daughters about the menstrual cycle and how to see the early warning signs that their menstrual cycle may be becoming troublesome, I think we could reduce the incidences of extreme PMS or PMDD. Girls learn the basic bodily functions in school, and how to deal with having a period, but who talks to them about how they might FEEL? From personal experience, many women are unaware of what a detrimental effect the menstrual cycle can have on their mental health and well being and many who suffer from PMDD feel like they are actually 'going mad' or suffering from a severe mental health problem. If these women had known that the menstrual cycle CAN cause such severe problems I think we could see more women taking more control of their own bodies and cyclical problems, maybe even 'nipping it in the bud' before PMS (which can be treated relatively easily) develops into an extreme disorder. Stress is the main enemy of women who suffer from PMS, PMDD, fertility problems and sexual problems. This point was re-iterated many times throughout all the lectures.

Next up was Dr Alain Gregoire, (Consultant Psychiatrist at Southampton) talking about giving good ante-natal and post natal care. Dr Gregoire was an entertaining animated speaker who introduced us to a variety of facts regarding the research done on the effects of depression in pregnancy and how it can affect the child later on in life. He also noted that despite the research proving that mothers pre disposed to depression were highly likely to have problems post natally, that very little was in place to support these mothers. It made me realise that the doctors and specialists are probably just as frustrated with the way things are here in the UK as the patients themselves, and that many are working hard to change things. They are limited by funding, lack of research and all the red tape that surrounds working within the medical profession.

Ms Dani Singer, Adult Psychotherapist, London talked about the psychological aspects of premature ovarian sufficiency and highlighted the need for sensitive labelling of such disorders. Using words such as failure or dysfunction can create a negative reaction in the patient and lead to a misunderstanding of the problem itself. Labels are not always helpful to the condition. I had noted that Mr Nick Panay had mentioned that PMDD was the American term for Extreme PMS, and in the UK, doctors prefer the term Extreme PMS. I know from the women I have spoken to with PMDD, that to be associated with PMS is to almost disregard how bad PMDD episodes can be. If you tell someone you have Extreme PMS, then the main thing they hear is PMS and as we know, that is rarely taken seriously, so I do feel that a distinction should be made between PMS and it's extreme form. Many women relate to the dysphoric element of the description PMDD, and I feel it should have it's own name.. after all, it is currently described in the draft for the ICD 11 as 'a distinct clinical entity'.

Diet and the Menstrual Cycle was the topic presented by Ms Amanda Moore, Nutritionist, London. This was a fantastic talk highlighting the benefits of a healthy, low GI diet and it's positive effects on pre menstrual symptoms. You can devise nutrition plans depending on the symptoms presented. If you have more physical problems, foods to help support those bodily functions may help relieve symptoms, if it's more psychological, then foods can be prescribed to help with brain health and function. I think many women could do a lot more to help fight their PMS symptoms if they were more aware of what was good and bad to eat (although the bad is obvious in most cases!) The talk made me realise that I need to start getting more oily fish in my diet! Twice a week please! It also confirmed my thoughts that people in the UK can suffer greatly from a lack of vitamin D, which in turn reduces our serotonin levels. In some cases this can develop into Seasonal Affective Disorder, which can mean women with PMS/PMDD can suffer much more during the winter months in the UK.

The debate of the day was supposed to be between Professor John Studd (Professor of Gynaecology, London PMS and Menopause Centre) and Ms Claudine Domoney (Consultant O+G, Chelsea and Westminster Hospital). The topic – HRT can be taken forever. Unfortunately, Professor Studd was unable to attend, so we were all entertained by Claudine presenting both sides of the debate with an occasional comment from Nick Panay! It was very interesting and Claudine provided some much needed light relief after an intense morning of lectures. It was concluded that the newer bio-identical forms of HRT are safe for continuous use as they work in very small doses, and if an individual is happy with their medication there is no real reason to stop. What was also enlightening was hearing the frustrations of doctors who have had certain HRT medications discontinued.. often for no other reason than profitability to the drug company. It highlighted again that the doctors really do try to do their best, but are often restricted by the price of medications and are at the mercy of the drug companies that make and supply them.

After a brief break for lunch, we were back into the theatre for a discussion on contraception with Gilly Andrews, Clinical Nurse Specialist, London. It was amazing to hear about the advances in the contraceptive pill and the different types of pill coming onto the market. It was also explained that the reasons certain brands of pill are available abroad but not in the UK are because our own health authorities refuse to allow them to be prescribed over here. This is often down to the cost of the medications, or concerns over safety. If you are considering contraception and suffer from PMS, ask your GP or Family Planning Clinic for details of the newer contraceptive pills, such as Yasmin and Qlaira, and products such as the Nuvaring.

The afternoon talks moved away from the subject of PMS. Ms Claudine Domoney and Ms Annie Hawkins looked at sexual problems in women and how to diagnose correctly by taking into account other factors such as stress and background. Mr Tim Hillard, Consultant Obstetrician and Gynaecologist from Poole Hospital discussed pelvic floor disorders and the best way to help patients, including some really effective methods of treatment and Mr Michael Dooley, Consultant Gynaecologist and Medical Director from The Poundbury Clinic talked about fertility and the menopause, including what effects fertility and ways of dealing with infertility.

The day had been fascinating. It had been a pleasure to meet Nick Panay and the people behind the scenes at NAPS. Although I am no longer going down a medical or surgical route for managing my PMDD, I am very grateful for the work that all these specialists are doing. It had been said at the start of the day, that often, the first thing a patient does when they meet a specialist who understands their condition is shed some tears. I know that feeling well. I have met only a few medical professionals in my life who have taken me seriously, who have helped me and supported me. It was their understanding and belief that helped me to come to terms with what was going on, that it WAS real and there was an explanation. It enabled me to (eventually) become strong enough to do what I am doing now, which believe me, is not what I'd had in mind!

The next step for me is the launch of PMDD Awareness UK and an awareness month in April. The new website is almost ready and I am looking for women who would like to share their story/write about a certain aspect of PMDD. There will be ideas on the website of how you can help raise more awareness of PMS and PMDD, and ways that you can contribute to the website. Email me direct at pmddawareness@live.com if you would like to contribute to the website..

Thank you to NAPS and Mr Nick Panay for letting me peep through the window into the medical world, and for supporting my work so far. I hope that one day I might be able to stand at the front of the room and share my story, to give GP's and students a real life account of what PMS/PMDD really feels like, from my own personal story and from the stories I have read of hundreds of other PMDD sufferers over the years. If you ever get a spare slot, give me a call!

By Cat Hawkins

Mother, Artist, Writer, PMS Lay Champion, PMDD Blogger, Facebook Support Group Owner
Founder of PMDD Awareness UK – A grass-roots organisation with a mission to change the way the UK views menstrual health problems. Promoting a positive menstrual outlook.

(All personal views expressed are my own.  An edited version of my report can be found in the NAPS February bulletin  www.pms.org)

The Power in Sharing

I wrote this earlier... inspired by the following quote that came up in my news feed.  Although this is a blog and not a group, it still applies... and I felt like sharing.

"The truth is, in order to heal we need to tell our stories and have them witnessed...The story itself becomes a vessel that holds us up, that sustains, that allows us to order our jumbled experiences into meaning.
As I told my stories of fear, awakening, struggle, and transformation and had them received, heard, and validated by other women, I found healing.
I also needed to hear other women's stories in order to see and embrace my own. Sometimes another woman's story becomes a mirror that shows me a self I haven't seen before. When I listen to her tell it, her experience quickens and clarifies my own. Her questions rouse mine. Her conflicts illumine my conflicts. Her resolutions call forth my hope. Her strengths summon my strengths. All of this can happen even when our stories and our lives are very different."
— Sue Monk Kidd (The Dance of the Dissident Daughter: A Woman's Journey from Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine)

THIS is what my groups are all about. We may have come together through PMDD, in the same way as new mum's get together with their babies, or people with mutual interests or hobbies, but essentially, we have created our own sisterhood. We share our own stories and truths, we grow and learn from each other. We find similar traits and quirks, we learn how similar, and at the same time, how different we all are. We come together and a kind of magic happens. We start to heal. We start to take our lives into our hands and deal with the things that don't serve us, learn what we like or don't like. We learn what might be holding us back, by listening to the words of someone else's story and identifying with them. We connect, we feel, we support.

Through sharing we become stronger. We become more ourselves, because we have a space to be ourselves in. Cherish it. Many women out there don't have this. A place to talk, freely, with lots of other women. What a wonder the internet is to be able to provide this space! The group is your witness.  

We've come together sharing a darkness. We are women who know the shadow. We know what it feels like to fear, to hate, to feel pain, mental and physical. We have found each other in the dark. I merely lit a candle and waited for you all to arrive.

There is such strength amongst us. If only each of us could see and know how strong we already are.

I had a comment from a man in the past, telling me how my groups had made his girlfriend worse. Worse I wonder? Worse for who?

When women come together and share and talk.. even over the internet, things can start changing. Women might realise they are unhappy with their job for example, or that that particular friendship is really not helping them to heal or grow. They might realise their abusive partner is actually out of line and decide to leave them. I know we talk a lot about PMDD, but we also talk a lot about life and our situations. When you start realising your truth, when you start making your own choices, life around you changes and that might not meet with other people's approval, it might make you seem different to real life friends or family. In turn you may meet with resistance. This is when you call on the collective. This is when you draw on the strength, the knowledge and the love of your sisters.

Keep going. PMDD is challenging, but there is so much to be gained. Whatever you feel you need to do, to make life easier, better, change, go with it. We know ourselves better than anyone else.

Use what you learn here. Share what you know. Know that you are loved and accepted here for ALL you are.

♥

Sharing the BLOG Love ♥

You just HAVE to go and check out these fantastic PMDD Blogs!

I think it's great that others are pouring all their experiences and knowledge into a blog to share with others.  Go and support some fellow PMDD sistas!

www.whyamihappy.blogspot.co.uk/

www.halfofalife.wordpress.com/

www.pmmdandfibromyalgia.blogspot.co.uk/

www.hormonesoup.com/

It takes courage to share your stories, but the more who do, the less women will feel alone in their lives with PMDD.

Way to go girls!

Women's Wisdom

Meet my PMDD - Moods and Musings Blog has been featured on a wonderful little site over in Spain run by Melissa Moss.

I was thrilled to have been asked to share my blog and I hope you will go and give her website a little visit.

Just click here to go to Holistic Mental Health Services, for women.

We pretend to be strong because we are weak.

“We pretend to be strong because we are weak.”
― Paulo Coelho

I'm waiting to bleed, it's day 28.

I find myself crying again, I can feel the rush of hormones. My man asks if I'm OK...

A year or so ago, I may have flown into a rage, angry over being asked. I may have just gone quiet and said, I'm fine, or leave me alone. Nowadays, I dive into his arms and cry into is chest. I accept his love, his concern and feel better for a hug and his understanding when I am feeling like my world is about to be upturned.

This got me thinking (especially as I am in pre-menstrual thinking overdrive).

Women with PMDD deal with an extreme amount of rage, anger, self loathing and fear. We feel weak and inadequate. We cannot deal with the same amount of stress that other people can.

Society tells us that as women, we should be able to handle everything life throws at us and cope with it all. There has been a big deal made out of women needing to be as strong as their male counterparts. Equal in every way.... except, we aren't.

Women may feel that they cannot possibly show weakness. They cannot let on to their partners, family, work colleagues that they are finding things hard. This happens to all women to some extent, but with PMDD, it's much more extreme, as the hormones seem to take over and control us. The false moods and irrational thoughts leave us feeling out of control, weak and unable to complete the simplest of tasks.

What happens when we feel inadequate? If we can't over compensate by becoming super woman to prove we are just as good as the men, or other more stable women, then we end up feeling frustrated at ourselves, and our situation. We end up angry and full of fight.. defensive. Even with the people we love. We don't want them to see our weaknesses. We don't want them to have to 'look after us' as that makes us far from the strong independent capable women that society says we should be.

I found this article. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wander-woman/201107/the-greatest-weakness-strong-women It's got nothing to do with PMDD, but tells the story of a high powered business woman who finally let down her defenses to save her relationship. As I read, I realised even more that showing weakness is hard for every woman, but to do so can actually help save floundering relationships and bring people closer together.

I look back over my own life and my own PMDD story and find the fight and defensiveness there at every turn. Right from a child, I knew that to cry in public was a sign of weakness, and that to get on in the world we have to be able to do what the men do. Work, earn, provide... I was always embarrassed by my mother's ability to sob in public, she would cry at the drop of a hat, especially to an emotional song or film, and quite often, I would feel the lump in my throat and the tears building, but I would not allow myself to cry. Cry baby. Soppy cow. Why are are you crying? I often had no explanation to explain why I felt like crying, and didn't want to answer that question. I have always avoided films and music that are liable to make me cry. 

In my youth, I turned to Heavy Metal music, especially the stuff sung (or screamed) by women. I wanted nothing more than to experience those strong emotions. The 'fuck you' of a woman screaming and roaring as good as any man. The lack of tears, the abundance of hate and anger. I related. I felt it made me strong and equal. Another mask to put on to the world. Men often became a target in the lyrics, with one of my favourite female bands (Otep) even writing a song called 'Menocide'. Yet now, that kinda turns my stomach, for there is nothing gained in the pendulum swinging all the way over to the other side. At the time it fed my need to be strong, to be like a man. When women act like men, what do the men do? When women are downing pints and shots at the pub alongside their male peers, fighting and brawling in the street, what do men see? Women? Or women who are more like their male friends? In which case, why should they treat us like women, when we don't act like one?

During PMDD days, I can sob at an advert, or a situation in a soap opera. I still feel that shame. I still feel embarrassed. Although, I am working on that. There IS no shame in feeling emotion. There is no shame in feeling so deep that a song, or lyrics send you into a tearful mess. There is no shame in admitting that you feel low, or for even crying when there appears to be no reason for it.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love.”
― Washington Irving 

During my PMDD weepiness, I may be crying for all the pain I've ever felt in my life, for all the pain my ancestors may have gone through. I may be crying for all the cruelty and poverty there is in the world. I may be crying just because I need to cry. Why should I feel shame for that?

Menstruation connects us to a deeper place. It connects us to our ancestors and can bring about great insight and learning. Women ARE more sensitive at this time. FACT.

The shame and embarrassment brings on a reaction of needing to cover it. I don't want people to think I am weak, over sensitive, over emotional or stupid. How can I explain the tears?

Men don't do this. I am highlighting our gender differences. Maybe I am letting the feminist side down. I am weak and giving men a reason to see me (women) as weak.

Women sometimes cry easier in the presence of another woman. A close friend or aunt may console us. We know that we sometimes need to 'let it all out', but to do that in front of a man? When most men feel uncomfortable with that amount of emotion pouring out from the soul? To do that in front of our partners and husbands? That seems alien to a lot of us, despite both parties claiming to love one another.

This need to remain strong and collected in front of our men is what brings about the complete opposite in emotions. We don't want them to see us a weak. We don't want to admit we need them to protect us and keep us safe. With equality and all the blurred lines between male and female roles, men just don't know what to do, and if we are pushing them away and denying them the chance to protect and show us compassion, we are then stealing away their opportunity to fulfil their role within the relationship.

Ladies with PMDD often end up directing all this anger and frustration at their partners as a smoke screen. We overcompensate and allow ourselves to become strong, so strong we are fierce and aggressive. We are like crazed warriors about to go into battle. Only there is no battle. There is someone we love who desperately wants to help, who wants to be able to 'do something' to make it all better. We fight them, because to allow them to help, to allow ourselves to fall into their arms and cry and say we can't cope right now is to show them we are weak, and with that brings about a whole manner of inadequacies that appear to no longer be socially acceptable.

'Other women cope' Other women manage to hold down a job, have kids, study, cook, clean and stay sane all month long so why not me/us? We feel that our PMDD makes us inferior.  It doesn't. It makes us different. It makes us super sensitive. If women with PMDD can embrace this aspect and shake off the stigma of showing signs of weakness the anger is calmed. As I type this, so many memories come to mind. I can feel the tickle in my nose, the tears building up. Have no reason to be crying right now, yet the tears want to come.

As a woman, I am an emotional being. I want to fully embrace what it is to be a woman. The past 2 years have seen me stop fighting. I accept, I surrender, I have learned to feel comfortable crying around my man. I go with the flow and allow safe passage to whatever needs to manifest. Who am I to censor myself? Who am I to curb, halt, or stop the feelings that need to flow?

It is no wonder we have come to be like this. In days gone by, women with PMDD would have been called Witches. Demonic. We would have been misunderstood as being possessed by the devil and locked up in asylums... another reason to want to stay secret, to hide away, to remain anonymous. Women have undergone so many terrible punishments for being female. Showing any sign of intuition became labelled as witchcraft or possession. Hundreds of thousands of women died during the witch trials, who were no more than healers, midwives, herbalists and quite possibly women with PMDD, women who were sensitive to their hormones, who felt the rages and let them out, who acted as if they were possessed by a demon. I know that some of my tears must be for them, and my ancestors, some of which must surely have been caught up in the terror. In the UK, it is a mere 61 years since the repeal of the Witchcraft Act, yet to this day, in many other countries, women still face charges like this, often with the penalty of death.

So in many ways it is no wonder there is a such a stigma attached to women with mood disorders, whether they use their intuitive abilities or not, the outward signs of PMDD are frowned upon and still come with a hefty amount of shame, guilt and penalties for not being consistently able to live like everyone else.

Women need to reclaim what it is to be a women. We need to celebrate out difference, and not feel ashamed to embrace our feminine nature. Next time you fight with your partner, just stop for a second and ask yourself why you are fighting. Is there a legitimate reason to be fronting up to your partner? Or deep down, do you really just need a big hug and some reassurance that everything will be OK?

I can't being to describe how much this has helped my relationship. After swearing I would never marry again, I find myself a wife once more. My husband is not my enemy. My husband can provide me with protection, with love, with safety from everything else that is bad in the world. I am lucky to have such a man, who accepts his male role, however strange it may seem to others. But this is only possible because I allow him to take on that role. I trust him enough to let him see me during my weak moments. He doesn't expect me to be strong all the time. He doesn't value me any less because I have these moments. By blowing away the smoke screen, the façade, the pretence that I am 'fine' all the time, we have been able to develop a much closer relationship.

My hope is that more women, especially the ones who suffer with PMDD will begin to embrace what it really means to be female, and find strength in what other perceive to be weakness. It is not a weakness if you need to take time out, if you need a break, to cry, to sleep, or to dream. It is not a weakness if you are string enough to be honest.  Honesty is by far the strongest action, and to admit you need help, love, a hug, is to put out the raging fire and unite with someone in a warm glow of friendship, companionship, compassion and love.

“We are all travellers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend.”
― Robert Louis Stevenson

“Hiding how you really feel and trying to make everyone happy doesn't make you nice, it just makes you a liar.”
― Jenny O'Connell

“You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you were beneath it.”
― Alan Moore, (V for Vendetta)

“Do not consider me now as an elegant female intending to plague you, but as a rational creature speaking the truth from her heart.”
― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

“I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it.”
― Marilyn Monroe (Marilyn)

All quotes from http://www.goodreads.com

©Cat Hawkins 2012

Top 20 Tips for Men Dealing With PMDD

Another re blogged article from Liana, over at livingonaprayerwithpmdd.blogspot.co.uk/

Here she has written a handy 20 point list with tips to help you deal with a loved on with PMDD.  If you missed her last guest post with more advice for men, you can find it here  http://meetmypmdd.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/pmdd-advice-for-men-by-liana.html

Top 20 Tips for Men Dealing With PMDD by Liana 
 

Unfortunately, my research has uncovered a complete lack of serious information for men on the subject of PMDD, so here it is, short and sweet, a list of the top 20 things you can do for your partner with PMDD.

1. Believe her. When she tells you what she’s experiencing, believe her. Even if it doesn't make sense. Because PMDD doesn't make sense. The symptoms are as unique and individual as the woman having them.

2. Do not tease her. Do not make fun of her, as this is a serious and often debilitating condition.

  
3. Chart her symptoms daily, either together or on your own. If she refuses to admit there's a problem, then do it on your own so that you can be prepared for when the storm hits. 

  
4. Consult your chart when considering social events, activities, or vacations and such. Surprises and big decisions come under this heading, too. 

  
5. Learn as much information as you can about PMDD from reliable resources. If they have a product to sell you, any type of product, proceed with caution.

6. Understand that if it is not treated, her PMDD will only get worse. It could end up as major depressive disorder.

7. Help her to find a doctor who will listen to her and help her. This may take a few tries.

8. Don’t let her negative thoughts and feelings get the better of her—or you. If she shares them with you, gently remind her it’s the PMDD talking, not her, and postpone any major discussions/decision making for a few days.

9. Be supportive and encouraging as she tries different things to feel better. Make a note of what works and what doesn’t. Share this with her doctor.

10. Help her to get enough rest. Sleep is when our bodies re-regulate themselves. If we don’t have enough (sleep) time to do the work needed, we start the day at a disadvantage. 
11. Join her for moderate exercise. Exercise is always more fun with a friend. 

  
12. Encourage her to eat healthy. (Avoid alcohol, caffeine, sugar, sugar substitutes, anything made with high fructose corn syrup, and white rice and flour, for starters.) 

  
13. Buy her some high quality dark chocolate. Keep it on hand for the dark days. 

  
14. Do what you can to keep stressful situations to a minimum. PMDD feeds on stress. 

  
15. Do not accept any behavior that is abusive. Ever.

  
16. Do not return such behavior if it happens. Calmly walk away and resume your conversation when she is more in control of herself. 

  
17. Remember that she literally is not herself during an episode of PMDD. Try not to hold the things she says and does against her. It’s not personal, and it’s not about you. 

  
18. Be as comforting as she will allow you to. If she won’t let you near her, let her know you will be nearby if she needs you. 

  
19. Don’t expect her to be full of sunshine and laughter when she’s not having a PMDD episode. A healthy, balanced, and emotionally well-rounded woman feels every emotion--not just the good ones.

  
20. Last, but not least: Do not blame every time she becomes irritated, annoyed, angry, afraid, or upset on her PMDD. Nothing is more irritating than having a genuine concern or grievance, and being told, “It’s your PMDD again, isn’t it?”

Maybe it is, and maybe it isn’t. Take the time to check her chart to see if she’s supposed to be having an episode, and then carefully sort through (usually by talking it out) and separate what is her PMDD and what is a genuine fear or concern on her part. Encourage her to feel and express the full range of emotions, just like people without PMDD do.

More than anything, a PMDD woman just wants to feel normal. These 20 tips will go a long way toward helping your partner do just that.

By Liana http://livingonaprayerwithpmdd.blogspot.co.uk/

PMDD - Advice for Men by Liana

The lovely Liana over at http://livingonaprayerwithpmdd.blogspot.co.uk/ has agreed for me to re blog a couple of her awesome posts on Men and PMDD.  I have never managed to write about this particular topic, mainly because my focus has always been to help women understand what is happening to them, so there is a bit of a gap in my blog about PMDD, men and relationships.  I want to rectify this, so to begin with, Liana's articles will help start off some more posts about Men and PMDD.  Obviously, if in a same sex relationship, this advice will still help partners of women with PMDD.

Dealing with PMDD - Advice for Men by Liana

I’ve spent quite a bit of time searching the internet for Resources and Advice for men dealing with a woman who suffers from PMDD. Unfortunately, most articles lump PMS and PMDD together, which does a great disservice to women with PMDD. In the comment sections of these articles both men and women express anger and resentment toward the women who experience true PMDD: the men claiming the articles give women a license to behave badly two weeks out of the month, and the women claiming the women with extreme mood swings give all women a bad name.

So, to clear a few things up…

20% of women suffer no pre-menstrual symptoms at all
80% of women suffer from some combination of pre-menstrual symptoms
20-40% experience moderate discomfort pre-menstrually
Up to 10% of women suffer from PMDD

This post is written for the men who have partners in the last category.

But before we get started, a quick primer on the differences between PMS and PMDD.

PMS deals primarily with physical symptoms. Bloating, aching, cramping, tenderness, fatigue, headaches, food cravings, and mild mood swings are the most well-known of the more than 150 symptoms possible. A little irritability, tension, sadness, weepiness, or any combination thereof is par for the course.

The major component of PMDD is mood swings in the extreme. PMDD actually affects your brain’s capability to regulate itself, and therefore affects just about every other hormone in your body. That’s not to say a woman can’t have the bloating, aching, cramping, fatigue, cravings, and other physical symptoms. If she does, it may well be that she suffers from both PMDD and PMS, and once she gets her PMDD under control, all she’ll be left with is some PMS.

Frankly, I think most women with PMDD would be happy to simply suffer some form of PMS. Because PMS is to PMDD what a headache is to a migraine. There is a distinct difference, and that difference is biological—not mental. The biology of PMS and PMDD share many similarities, but at some point they split into completely different paths. An explanation of that is beyond the scope of this post, but I’ll be happy to write about it some other time.

For now, it’s enough to know that PMS and PMDD are two completely different things.

That’s not to say your relationship won’t benefit from the advice in this post if your partner simply has PMS. But we’re not talking about PMS here today, we’re talking full-blown PMDD.

1. Both you and your partner should mark the time on a calendar when you expect her to be pre-menstrual. This can be hard if her cycle is not regular, but do the best you can to identify patterns. An explanation of my pattern is here, and can give you an idea of what symptoms to look for.

If your partner is in denial, and claims there’s nothing wrong with her—mark your own calendar separately. In many cases, the man can tell before the woman that she’s entering into her pre-menstrual phase, because he’s watching from the outside, while she’s busy trying to cope—either consciously or sub-consciously--with the unwanted changes going on in her brain and body.

Please note: There are women who are in complete denial that anything different is happening to them, and then there are women who know what’s happening, but “really don’t want to deal with this right now” because they are too busy to, and so they pretend nothing is happening, and they really aren’t feeling any differently, until it’s too late to do anything about it, and the episode erupts full force.

Determine which type of woman you are living with, and keep track accordingly. Apparently there are several applications available on the iPhone and Android phones to help you track her cycle, but an old-fashioned calendar will do just as well.

2. If she’s indicated that this is what she would prefer, try to stay clear of her until the episode passes. This has nothing to do with you, or her love for you. It’s simply due to her heightened sensitivity to any combination of the five senses. She literally can’t handle any more sensory input—be it bright lights, loud noises, touch of any kind, strong smells, or even certain foods. If a PMDD woman has allergies of any kind, they can be exacerbated pre-menstrually. If she has any another condition, such as arthritis, diabetes, or fibromyalgia, they can be exacerbated as well.

Even if she’s otherwise healthy, during an episode of PMDD a woman is literally is a walking bundle of nerves. Unfortunately for both of you, this heightened sensitivity and discomfort can be so distracting that it causes her an inability to focus on things like questions, requests, conversations, or simple instructions. (Now you know why she forgot to pick up your suit at the cleaners.)

Take the first one, for example: You have a question that requires more than minimal thought and consideration.
Examples would be:
Major purchases—car, appliances, maybe that boat/motorcycle/sportscar you’ve always wanted (not a good time to bring it up)
Health decisions
Financial decisions
Employment decisions
Decisions involving having or raising children
Vacation plans
Any change of routine or structure in your life

Why? Because during a PMDD episode a woman’s brain is not functioning properly. This has nothing to do with how smart or intelligent she is. This is her brain chemistry being disrupted due to the hormonal shifts taking place in her body. During a PMDD episode it can take all of her concentration simply to focus on the basics of getting through each day. If you come at her with anything resembling a major decision, it could overload her brain and cause a meltdown.

So if she asks for space during that time, please give it to her.

3. Be patient. Dealing with anybody on a short fuse can be challenging. If she snaps at you, or does something that irritates you, don't lose your temper and fight back. It won't do any good, and in most cases will only make things worse. Just (discreetly) take a deep breath, maybe say a prayer, and ignore whatever she just did that bothered you. Remember that she's not normally like this and she’ll be herself again soon.

4. Do not enable immature behavior. I’ve said all along, PMDD is an explanation, not an excuse. Being emotional does not excuse inappropriate behavior, any more than being drunk excuses offensive behavior. If she’s being immature, yelling, shouting, stomping, snapping, cursing, slamming or throwing things, don’t respond with your own immature behavior. She at least has an explanation for it—a biological explanation. What’s your excuse?

Stay calm and leave the room if you have to, until she settles down. Let her know you love her and you’ll be nearby, but you can’t have a conversation with her when she’s being irrational. Believe me, she knows she’s being irrational. But without conscious effort at awareness, she can’t stop herself any more than she could stop an allergic reaction. If you calmly point out that she’s being immature or irrational and say you’ll be happy to continue this conversation another time, things will settle down a lot more quickly than if you respond with your own emotional outburst.

5. Listen to her, even if she’s not making any sense. Try to figure out what the REAL problem is. If she’s complaining about something that’s never bothered her before, or doesn’t usually bother her, most likely what she’s saying is “I feel miserable, and there’s nothing I can do about it, so I’m looking for something else to change and hoping that will make me feel better.” This is a time of true desperation for her. She’s looking for anything, rational or irrational, that will make her feel better. This is a good time to suggest she take some time out for herself, maybe a hot bath, or a cup of tea and a good book, or whatever soothes her soul. Let her know you support her need to have a little time to pamper herself in whatever way makes her the happiest.

But beware of sending her out on a shopping spree. Retail therapy will only make things worse when the mood has passed and the bills come in.

6. Don't take it personally. During an episode of PMDD, you can count on her emotions getting the best of her, and she'll probably question your relationship. She might question you. Might question her whole life and everything she believes or stands for. This is normal and natural for a woman during an episode of PMDD. As mentioned in Number 5 above, she's feeling helpless, and sometimes when people feel helpless they look for other things they can control, and that might mean bringing up topics or suggesting changes that trigger your emotions. Your best defense against this is to stay level-headed and calmly say, "Ok, I understand." What you really understand is that you're still the same person she loved before her PMDD episode kicked in, and her change in perception of you and her life overall is the PMDD talking, not her. For more information on this, see my post It’s Not Personal – It’s Just My PMDD.

7. Be compassionate. Think about a time when stress or physical changes made you hard to get along with. Have you ever been sleep-deprived? Maybe you had an accident or were the hospital, and the chronic pain made you want to lash out at everybody. Put yourself in her shoes. Not only is she experiencing uncomfortable physical symptoms, but her hormones also ebbing and flowing, making it almost impossible for her to know how she feels or what she wants. Think of the effect testosterone has had on you, like when you get sexually aroused, or on any occasion when you felt aggression or rage. You remember how you felt caught up in the emotion, how it made you want to say and do things you ordinarily wouldn’t say or do. That’s what’s happening to her.

8. Be forgiving and reassuring. Her insecurities will definitely come up during an episode of PMDD, and with her heightened sensitivity, every negative thought she has will be magnified ten times over. If she doesn’t consciously stop the negative thoughts, they will flow through her mind in an endless loop. If you can get her to talk about them, fine. Some women won’t want to, because they know the thoughts are irrational, even while they are having them, they just don’t know how to stop them. Nobody wants to share irrational thoughts, and then remember they did so when the episode is over—even if the only one remembering them is her.

If she feels unloved and insecure, she’ll probably act out, which will make you not want to be around her, which will "confirm" her negative thoughts. Most women feel insecure about their bodies to start with, maybe even their lovemaking, child-rearing, housekeeping, or professional skills, and if they’re in any way insecure about your feelings for them, this is when that insecurity will come out. So try to give her a few extra compliments (and don’t be offended if she doesn’t believe you, or snaps at you for it), and—if she’ll let you (remember those heightened sensory sensitivities)--be more affectionate. If she won’t let you near her, don’t make her feel badly by taking it personally. Guilt is the last thing she needs when she’s feeling unlovable. Tell her you understand and you’ll be around if she changes her mind. That could well be all it takes to melt her defenses.

Take care, and good luck!

By Liana

Check out other PMDD posts by Liana at http://livingonaprayerwithpmdd.blogspot.co.uk/ 

If you would like tp join a Facebook support group for Family and Friends of PMDD, please visit: https://www.facebook.com/groups/406176079407609/  and request membership.

 

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Thoughts on the Pill

I'm on day 20.  I can feel the irritation and narkiness that comes with my pre menstrual phase building.  This the time of the month often brings about a rant, and today, what really grinds my gears (yes, that was a Family Guy reference) is all the talk about the contraceptive pill in the UK at the moment.

A news story came out today, in which an NHS report suggests that girls as young as 13 should be able to walk into a chemists and get the pill, without having to see a doctor http://uk.news.yahoo.com/over-counter-pill-girls-13-034326518.html.

Apparently, this already happens in some parts of London.  It is also currently possible to walk into a chemist and buy the morning after pill for around £25.  Some chemists were also talking about allowing women under 25 to gain free access to the morning after pill. 

...It follows a pilot scheme which found the number of women needing emergency contraception "dropped significantly" in the year following the introduction of over-the-counter access to the pill.

Well... duurrrrr.... what a surprise! 

Currently, teenage girls would need to speak to a doctor to get a prescription for the contraceptive pill, or go to a family planning clinic, where they would be seen by one of the qualified doctors there.  I'm not sure that parents have to be made aware of this or not, but at least the girl would have some proper advice given to her...  Blood pressure is taken, along with weight and other general questions and checks.  If you aren't grown up enough to ask your doc or go to a clinic, the you probably aren't grown up enough to be on the pill.
Allowing teenagers as young as 13, free access to the pill, with no medical guidance or advice is completely ridiculous.  I am so sick of the media and people banging on about the pill like it is a sugary sweet that magically stops you from getting pregnant. 

NEWS FLASH....
The contraceptive pill contains chemicals.  It contains synthetic forms of the hormones estrogen and progesterone (progestin).  They work by suppressing ovulation.  Some brands contain both forms (combined pill) and some just contain progestin (min-pill).  They don't work by magic.  They interrupt your natural rhythm, and stop your natural cycle.

Doctors and pharmaceutical companies will have you believe that the pill is THE cure for mood swings, it's the cure for acne, depression, for irregular periods and more... AND that all those things are abnormal and should be treated.

Hormones are created in response to signals from the brain.  Hormones are like a radio signal, and the receptors are the antenna.  When you take the pill, it over rides the radio signal.  It sends it's own signals to the receptors that stop ovulation.  The body's natural receptors then get used to this signal, and act accordingly.  But what happens with long term use?  or in young women bodies that are still forming and whose hormones are still settling down?

I know there ARE benefits to the pill...
 It has been shown to protect against cancer of the ovaries and the womb lining and pelvic inflammatory disease, a major cause of infertility in women, and (they claim) it can make periods more regular.  However, it is not recommended for women over 35 who smoke heavily, obese women, those with high blood pressure, a history of heart disease or blood clots and other illnesses, such as breast cancer.

I also know that a few ladies find it helps their PMDD, but the success rate is seriously hit and miss, and I would question if it is ever a good option for women who are sensitive to hormones.

My rant is really that all this talk about the pill being handed out to stop kids getting pregnant is only one part of the story.  What about the use of synthetic hormones in girls that are barely developed themselves?

So, 13 year old Rosie, who has only just started her period and whose hormones are still going crazy and haven't settled down yet, goes out to the chemists and get's the pill.  Her doctor doesn't know and nor does her mother.  She decides to go on it because she's heard it might stop the horrible spots she's been getting and she also really likes Jake and he really likes her and cos he already watches a ton of porn on the internet, she thinks he might want to have sex.  She is being responsible and doing the 'adult' thing in getting herself protected against pregnancy, but she hasn't talked to anyone other than her mates and the nice man at the chemists.  She can't tell her mum cos she would freak.  Rosie knows nothing of the effects the pill could have on her, neither does she understand what's in it and how it works...  Rosie and her mum don't talk about such things.  It's too embarrassing, and her mum would just think that she is a slut and is only going on it to sleep with boys....  Rosie has barely got used to her body having a cycle, her body has barely got used to the new hormones, then BAM... the pill enters her system and the cycle is gone.

Rosie is in control, she feels grown up and responsible.  After six months on the pill, Jake decides he wants to take the relationship further...  Rosie is hesitant but knows she can't get pregnant, so she decides the time is right.  She has some condoms in her purse too, which she knows help prevent catching STD's, so she asks Jake to wear one... He says there's no need, cos she's on the pill, and he hasn't done anything with anyone... reluctantly Rosie agrees.  She doesn't want to lose Jake or upset him....

Rosie and Jake have been together for a couple of years now.  They are 15 and have been sleeping together for a while.   Rosie's mum knows they are close, but doesn't know for sure if her daughter is having sex, and she tries to blank out those thoughts and ignore it.  It's too embarrassing.  She sort of assumes they aren't as Rosie has never asked about the pill or anything.  She puts Rosie's outbursts and mood swings down to her teenage hormones and just accepts that her daughter doesnt want to share anything with her.

Then, Rosie finds out she is pregnant.  She is 16 and about to do her GCSE's... HOW did that happen?  Maybe it was those few days last month when she forgot to take the pill... she took one late and thought it would be ok... or maybe was it because she was ill and on antibiotics for a week?  Rosie didn't know the pill can stop working of you take antibiotics.  Her mum is gonna go mad... The shame, the fear, she feels sick to her stomach.....

Maybe, the freedom of taking the pill could lead Rosie down the path of sex with more than just one person.. maybe she could end up with an STI, or get pregnant and not know who the father is.
What gets me with all of this, and it's a familiar story all over the UK, is that the communication between mothers and daughters is weak.  Mothers are not teaching their daughters what they need to know.  There is no communication, no passing on of advice.

Rather than try and throw a magic pill at every young girl in the hope of making the UK's teenage pregnancy rates look better, why are we not questioning WHY these young girls are having sex so young.  Why are we not looking at healing the relationships between mother and daughter?
Why is it that teenage girls have such low self esteem and think so little of themselves that they seek to have sex at such a young age?  Why are we not teaching young girls how to respect their bodies and themselves?  helping them to understand the changes and risks involved with sex and contraception?

No one really knows the long term effects the pill can have, or what it may do to a young body that is still forming.  I started taking the Pill at 13.  I was showing signs of PMDD but no-one knew that back then.  I also suffered from really bad acne and depression.  The pill was given to me to cure it all.. to make me better.  When I look back, I wonder if my mood swings at 13 were just perfectly normal.. extreme yes, but I have since found out I am sensitive to hormones, but what if taking the pill at 13 actually caused my PMDD.. what if it messed my system up for the rest of my life?

What I do know for sure is when I came off the pill aged 20 (that's 7 years of synthetic hormones and no ovulation) is that I felt completely different.  The pill had never stopped the mood swings, in fact, by the time I stopped taking it I was getting some pretty extreme episodes.  I became pregnant a few months after stopping the pill.  It was a planned pregnancy as I had just got married.  I experienced severe depression during my pregnancy and post natal depression afterwards.  PMDD came back with a vengence along with my periods and motherhood was very difficult.

My body didn't know what a natural cycle was.  It had only had 6-7 cycles before I got pregnant.  I truly believe that our natural cycles prepare us for being pregnant.  Without intervention, it is possible to become in tune with your menstrual cycle.  You lean how you are at different times of the month.. you can FEEL the changes.  Each cycle is a chance to learn something new about yourself.  It's an inner tool, that we simply throw away when we start taking the pill.

By encouraging young girls to take the pill as soon as they start their period, or for other ailments that could be helped by other methods, we are stealing our daughters ability to learn from their cycle.  We are taking away that inbuilt natural blessing of being a woman...

We need to heal the mother daughter relationship.  Many of the current generation of mothers have grown up on the pill, and don't ever question it.  If it was good for them, then it's good for their kids....  I urge you to think twice about ever putting this drug in your body, or allowing your daughter to.  There are other ways of preventing pregnancy, there are other ways of dealing with mood swings, acne and depression.

Here is a great link to a piece by Dr Erika Schwartz.  She has written a few books on hormones and the menstrual cycle, and I found her response to a worried mothers question a really good read.  I would recommend you take a look.

And as for the increased risk of sexually transmitted diseases and infections... or how the pharmaceutical companies make us believe in whatever will make the most profit for them...
well, those rants are for another day....

PMDD Posters!

In the KEEP CALM style that is so popular, I have created some simple web posters for you to use!

I hope you like them!  Feel free to copy/download and share, just please don't remove my website address.

If you can think of any other good ones, let me know in the comments below!  I can make more!

        

        

All design by Cat Stone 2012.

Creating Menstrual Health Workshop with Alexandra Pope

Last Saturday, I attended a workshop run by Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer. The workshop was about 'creating menstrual health' and as I have been reading The Womans Quest workbook for the past 8 months, It seemed like a good opportunity to meet the author and other women who were also interested in the menstrual cycle's energies. I feel like I am a world away from the state of mind I was in when I first contacted Alexandra... a plea from a desperate woman, to someone who might be able to understand what I was going through. We chatted via email, I downloaded the thought provoking workbook, and joined her community site.

I was around day 18 of my cycle, so heading into unstable territory, so I arranged for my partner to drive me to Fulham in London and get me to the venue. I don't cope on trains and tubes very well, especially alone and in the second half of my cycle.

The venue was beautiful. It looked like a converted church and had the most beautiful stained glass rose windows. Everyone was welcoming and open. It is always a daunting thought, meeting lots of strangers all in one go, but there was a lovely energy in the room, and as women do when they get together.. lots of chat and laughter. The whole building was beautiful, clean and calming. As we moved into our work room, yet another stunning stained glass mandala faced me.

The day consisted of a lot of chat and discussion on the menstrual cycle and where we may have issues. We explored the similarities between out menstrual phases and the seasons experienced on the Earth. I am in my element with correspondences and symbols, and loved widening my thoughts and knowledge of this divine code.

Our inner Spring, is very similar to our outer spring. This 'Springtime' represents pre-ovulation, when the fog of our period lifts and our light and energy returns. Many of us (PMDD sufferers) will call this 'one of our good weeks'. We feel like ourselves again, we have energy, we want to get on with life again. There is an innocence about this time, and it is a time we should spend nurturing our ideas and making plans. New shoots are growing, life is returning to the earth... and you.

Inner Summer relates to ovulation. The Sun is high in the sky and everything is fertile and blooming. We are 'out there'. We can be social, we can enjoy life. It is a time for manifestation. Another 'good week' for many, although this too can bring a difficult time for some. If we are not fulfilling the things we want (on the most basic bodily level this would be getting pregnant), there becomes a fear of summer's end, of missing the chance, of the wheel turning all to quickly.

Inner Autumn is pre-menstruation and is when PMDD sufferers will hit the 'bad times'. Most will start losing a grip on reality during this season. The Earth is retreating, leaves are falling, the cold winds pick up. It is an unsettled and unstable season, flitting from late balmy sunny afternoons and bright crisp mornings, to stretches of dull grey rainy days, storms and more rain. Our energy and flow begins to slow down, we get forgetful and easy to enrage. Women with PMDD need to really try and understand this season, and learn how to harvest it's fruits and develop and awareness of what is really going on inside them.

Our inner Winter is connected to our menstruation. Our whole month is connected to how well we bleed and deal with our period. Just think to days gone by, when we had to harvest as much as we could all year to just survive the winter. If we are careful and look after ourselves, we will reach the Spring. If we have been smart and resourceful, we may even reach Spring still strong and healthy, rather than starving and weak. If you allow the natural need to retreat and hibernate, if you honour and listen to what your body needs, if you get enough sleep and good food, you have the potential to reach the Spring, empowered, full of anticipation rather than dis-empowered, full of guilt and stress.

There is much more I could say about each season, in fact, I could write a couple of posts on each one!! So I will leave that there for you to digest and contemplate. I am obviously describing a cycle, but everyone's cycle may be different. They will most certainly feel different things at different times and for different reasons. Interpretation comes down to the individual, and you cannot forget the different life stories of each individual and their own reactions to each season. How do you feel about each season? Do you have favourites? How do you cope with each season?

As above, so below, As within, As without – A Witches saying.

What goes on outside us, is often a mirror to what is going on inside us. I'm sure it's no coincidence that I have a hard time through my inner Winters, and also suffer from SAD during the outer Winter. Maybe if I learn how to love the inner Wintertime, I will also heal my SAD?

We followed a guided meditation spoken by Sjanie, and stopped periodically (through each season) to write and draw down our visions. We discussed with partners our experiences and feelings.

We then got into groups and each discussed a season. The rest of the day was unpacking all the words we had thought of to describe how we feel about each season. It was very enlightening and heart warming to hear other people's stories and to feel so connected to other women. It was also re-assuring and exciting that other women understood these concepts and each and every one of us felt that we all knew it anyway. 

We have all had this potential, this inner knowledge, like a glimmering, ornate, gold box full of our inner strength and power, full of the words of our ancestors and subconscious. Alexandra and Sjanie gave us all the key to unlocking this magic box, and I'm sure that every woman there will be sharing this knowledge with anyone who would care to listen for many years to come.

There is a revelation to be had in exploring these ideas, there is a REVOLUTION to be had by every woman, to educate, to share the knowledge, to break down all the stigma and hatred that has been pointed at our menstrual cycles. To reclaim our menstruation as our sacred time, to be allowed to become whole, rather than living the half life we are all supposed to live because it is socially acceptable. As a woman, I will demand respect, from myself and others during my bleed. It is a magical thing to bleed as we do every month. We get a new chance every month to heal and learn and understand ourselves.

If you are interested in The Woman's Quest and Alexandra Pope's and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer's work, please visit these websites:

http://www.womensquest.org/Home/Index

http://www.wildgenie.com/