Lindsay's Story *Guest Blog*

I was diagnosed with PMDD just over a year ago. Over the years, my periods worsened and so did the PMT. I started my periods when I was 9, which of course is ridiculously young. My Mum was an early starter too, so it was inevitable that I would be.

When I was 24, I noticed that something wasn't quite right. I was snappy and took offence at the slightest little thing. My bosses would have a go at me over my attitude, and all I could do was say sorry.

When I came home from working abroad, I saw the nurse as I had lost a tremendous amount of weight, and they were concerned about me. As it turned out, physically I was very well indeed, and I commented to the nurse that I felt there was something seriously wrong. She didn't listen, and instead made me feel like a silly little girl and that it was all in my head.

I told my Mum my concerns and whilst she could sympathise, there was little she could do. Having suffered depression in the past, I can recognise signs of depression, but, this was something that I could not comprehend.

Over the years, I went from being weepy (you know like when you cry because there are no cheese and onion crisps in the cupboard!) to becoming nasty and violent. When I was ovulating and three days before my period, I became a monster. I distinctly remember it was the Queens Diamond Jubilee, and I was watching it on tv crying my eyes out and being very angry.

I took two diazepam to calm me down (which I was actually given for symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome believe it or not) alas, they didn't help, and made me so spaced out I couldn't talk or walk.

Another time I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone whilst he was at work. I was sat at the top of the stairs telling him I wanted to kill myself and crying so hard I was retching. My boyfriend stayed with me and managed to calm me down, but, it took a long time.

There have been more occasions of this nature, however, I am sure you can see the pattern emerging. Most recently, my boyfriend has had to restrain me so I wouldn't pick the knife up that I was trying to grab, as I was so utterly in despair that I wanted to end it all.

When I turned 27, things were only getting worse. I was alienating my family and my poor boyfriend didn't have a clue what version of Lindsay he was going to encounter when he saw me. As you can see from the picture, I am a generally happy person, but this thing was robbing me of my life and my relationship.

In a last ditch attempt to get some help, I went to see my GP. He was brilliant, and recognised that I did indeed need help. He prescribed Citalopram to be taken from day 15 to day 28, as a trial to see if this helped and immediately diagnosed PMDD. I realise that not all GP's are as helpful as mine is, however, if you are know something is wrong, please tell them. 

I have been on these tablets for approximately eight months now and, there is a difference. I do still have bad days, but, it does seem to be getting better. I suppose the purpose of me telling you this story, is, I don't want anyone to feel the way I did.

There is help out there, and PMDD is recognized as an illness, and not just something to be brushed aside, and dismissed as PMT. Please don't feel like you have anything to be ashamed of, you don't. I refuse to let this ruin my life and my relationship, and I really hope my story brings comfort and more importantly help.

Lindsay, UK x

If you would like to share your story, please contact Cat.

CODE RED

In my previous post, I talked about an idea about having a code that you could send to your partners or close friends when you need help, or are feeling unstable and anxious.

It could be used in all sorts of situations, but for me, it would be when things are becoming difficult and I'm losing my rag, and I want to communicate with my partner without dragging him into the tornado of emotions (that are all mainly irrational and dysphoric).

So, I've decided I'm going to go for a really easy idea, of CODE RED.  But you could equally use numbers, or some other symbolic word etc.

Contacting my husband at work is something I now stay away from.  We text occasionally, when there is business to do or to tell each other we love them, but in the past, texts have been so destructive, and a childish and cowardly way of dealing with things during pre menstruation.

I now, rarely, ever send nasty or crazy text messages.  It can be hard to stop myself, but most of the time I succeed. What is usually behind an outburst is a need or worry that needs to be sorted.  When things don't get sorted, the problem grows in my head, like I have a brain of fertiliser, and it ends up flying out in a shit storm of frustration. All I might want is a hug, or some time to myself, or it maybe I just need to talk about something.

I can't ever explain whats going on in my head through a text.  However, if I use a code, it will signal to him that I'm having a rough day, and I may need to talk, to be pampered, left alone, or all three!  It may alert him that there is a difficult conversation that we need to have, or that I might not be cooking a meal that night...

You may even go so far as to include orange and black too...  I would keep it simple though, no one needs to refer to a flow chart all the time!  Here's an example:

CODE ORANGE - I'm feeling rubbish, really low and crappy. I need a hug and I need you to know that I'm not doing so great.  Today might be a struggle.  I might not be able to cook tonight.  I'm tired and stressed.

CODE RED - I'm feeling pissed off, probably for no reason, but I feel frustrated and easily angered.  I need to talk to you about some things that are bothering me, but I need you to know that I am battling with lots of negative thoughts and worries so it might not be easy.  I need you to understand, I feel like I'm on the edge of losing it.  Everything feels out of control.

CODE BLACK - I'm dangerously low...  I need you.  I'm scared.  I feel like I shouldn't be here, that we shouldn't be together.  I have no friends, I just want to sleep and never wake up.. Help, I need you home/to speak to you as soon as you can.

How your partner responds can be talked about between you, and in the same way, your system can cover whatever it is that triggers you...

It's a good exercise to do, to get an idea of what it is that triggers you, or how you respond to the stress within or outside of you.  It also helps your partner if you have some idea of what is the best thing to do in these situations.  You feel lost, they have no idea what to do, and every partner who claims to love you, should also want to support you, but unless you figure out what it is you need, you will both float out to sea.  In those times, you need your partner to be your anchor, whether thats being with you or leaving you alone.  Knowing you can have what you need, talk about what you need, feel loved and looked after when everything feels so scary really helps, so start to look for patterns, triggers, things you always do that always end in disaster.  Identify them and work to change the patterns.  The same choices will always bring the same results, so try and change the way you react or deal with things.  Be mindful, think, don't react.  Put some trust in the future even when you feel there is none.

I will be discussing this with my man, that if I send him a message saying CODE RED, that I am having a crappy time.  This way he can be prepared but not hurt, upset or angry with me by the time he gets home.

And what do you do in the mean time? when your head is all over the place and you have a few hours before the person who (almost) understands you finally gets home.  You focus on other stuff.
Get jobs done, look after the kids, get someone else to have the kids, get some sleep, go for a walk, draw, write, call a friend... anything to stay away from any stressful situations. If you have the luxury of time to yourself then chill!  enjoy the space, the quiet... eat an ice cream (like I am doing right now!)

Do anything but dwell and over analyse, fantasise and add fuel to the fire.  It's amazing how quickly you can change your path and how doing simple things make you feel better.

Top 20 Tips for Men Dealing With PMDD

Another re blogged article from Liana, over at livingonaprayerwithpmdd.blogspot.co.uk/

Here she has written a handy 20 point list with tips to help you deal with a loved on with PMDD.  If you missed her last guest post with more advice for men, you can find it here  http://meetmypmdd.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/pmdd-advice-for-men-by-liana.html

Top 20 Tips for Men Dealing With PMDD by Liana 
 

Unfortunately, my research has uncovered a complete lack of serious information for men on the subject of PMDD, so here it is, short and sweet, a list of the top 20 things you can do for your partner with PMDD.

1. Believe her. When she tells you what she’s experiencing, believe her. Even if it doesn't make sense. Because PMDD doesn't make sense. The symptoms are as unique and individual as the woman having them.

2. Do not tease her. Do not make fun of her, as this is a serious and often debilitating condition.

  
3. Chart her symptoms daily, either together or on your own. If she refuses to admit there's a problem, then do it on your own so that you can be prepared for when the storm hits. 

  
4. Consult your chart when considering social events, activities, or vacations and such. Surprises and big decisions come under this heading, too. 

  
5. Learn as much information as you can about PMDD from reliable resources. If they have a product to sell you, any type of product, proceed with caution.

6. Understand that if it is not treated, her PMDD will only get worse. It could end up as major depressive disorder.

7. Help her to find a doctor who will listen to her and help her. This may take a few tries.

8. Don’t let her negative thoughts and feelings get the better of her—or you. If she shares them with you, gently remind her it’s the PMDD talking, not her, and postpone any major discussions/decision making for a few days.

9. Be supportive and encouraging as she tries different things to feel better. Make a note of what works and what doesn’t. Share this with her doctor.

10. Help her to get enough rest. Sleep is when our bodies re-regulate themselves. If we don’t have enough (sleep) time to do the work needed, we start the day at a disadvantage. 
11. Join her for moderate exercise. Exercise is always more fun with a friend. 

  
12. Encourage her to eat healthy. (Avoid alcohol, caffeine, sugar, sugar substitutes, anything made with high fructose corn syrup, and white rice and flour, for starters.) 

  
13. Buy her some high quality dark chocolate. Keep it on hand for the dark days. 

  
14. Do what you can to keep stressful situations to a minimum. PMDD feeds on stress. 

  
15. Do not accept any behavior that is abusive. Ever.

  
16. Do not return such behavior if it happens. Calmly walk away and resume your conversation when she is more in control of herself. 

  
17. Remember that she literally is not herself during an episode of PMDD. Try not to hold the things she says and does against her. It’s not personal, and it’s not about you. 

  
18. Be as comforting as she will allow you to. If she won’t let you near her, let her know you will be nearby if she needs you. 

  
19. Don’t expect her to be full of sunshine and laughter when she’s not having a PMDD episode. A healthy, balanced, and emotionally well-rounded woman feels every emotion--not just the good ones.

  
20. Last, but not least: Do not blame every time she becomes irritated, annoyed, angry, afraid, or upset on her PMDD. Nothing is more irritating than having a genuine concern or grievance, and being told, “It’s your PMDD again, isn’t it?”

Maybe it is, and maybe it isn’t. Take the time to check her chart to see if she’s supposed to be having an episode, and then carefully sort through (usually by talking it out) and separate what is her PMDD and what is a genuine fear or concern on her part. Encourage her to feel and express the full range of emotions, just like people without PMDD do.

More than anything, a PMDD woman just wants to feel normal. These 20 tips will go a long way toward helping your partner do just that.

By Liana http://livingonaprayerwithpmdd.blogspot.co.uk/

Support group downtime

I woke this morning unable to access my Family and Friends of PMDD group.

This is a little note to try and reach members who I have no other way of contacting.

I have not done a thing!  It must be a Facebook glitch as I have touched nothing.  The group is not available.  I am hoping it will reappear at some point.  I am really sorry for the inconvenience and in all my time running the support groups this has NEVER happened before which is why I am really concerned.

Day 29 today... I can't really deal with this today..  If the group has gone, I don't know if I have enough energy to set up another.   :(

Really don't need this....

PMDD - Advice for Men by Liana

The lovely Liana over at http://livingonaprayerwithpmdd.blogspot.co.uk/ has agreed for me to re blog a couple of her awesome posts on Men and PMDD.  I have never managed to write about this particular topic, mainly because my focus has always been to help women understand what is happening to them, so there is a bit of a gap in my blog about PMDD, men and relationships.  I want to rectify this, so to begin with, Liana's articles will help start off some more posts about Men and PMDD.  Obviously, if in a same sex relationship, this advice will still help partners of women with PMDD.

Dealing with PMDD - Advice for Men by Liana

I’ve spent quite a bit of time searching the internet for Resources and Advice for men dealing with a woman who suffers from PMDD. Unfortunately, most articles lump PMS and PMDD together, which does a great disservice to women with PMDD. In the comment sections of these articles both men and women express anger and resentment toward the women who experience true PMDD: the men claiming the articles give women a license to behave badly two weeks out of the month, and the women claiming the women with extreme mood swings give all women a bad name.

So, to clear a few things up…

20% of women suffer no pre-menstrual symptoms at all
80% of women suffer from some combination of pre-menstrual symptoms
20-40% experience moderate discomfort pre-menstrually
Up to 10% of women suffer from PMDD

This post is written for the men who have partners in the last category.

But before we get started, a quick primer on the differences between PMS and PMDD.

PMS deals primarily with physical symptoms. Bloating, aching, cramping, tenderness, fatigue, headaches, food cravings, and mild mood swings are the most well-known of the more than 150 symptoms possible. A little irritability, tension, sadness, weepiness, or any combination thereof is par for the course.

The major component of PMDD is mood swings in the extreme. PMDD actually affects your brain’s capability to regulate itself, and therefore affects just about every other hormone in your body. That’s not to say a woman can’t have the bloating, aching, cramping, fatigue, cravings, and other physical symptoms. If she does, it may well be that she suffers from both PMDD and PMS, and once she gets her PMDD under control, all she’ll be left with is some PMS.

Frankly, I think most women with PMDD would be happy to simply suffer some form of PMS. Because PMS is to PMDD what a headache is to a migraine. There is a distinct difference, and that difference is biological—not mental. The biology of PMS and PMDD share many similarities, but at some point they split into completely different paths. An explanation of that is beyond the scope of this post, but I’ll be happy to write about it some other time.

For now, it’s enough to know that PMS and PMDD are two completely different things.

That’s not to say your relationship won’t benefit from the advice in this post if your partner simply has PMS. But we’re not talking about PMS here today, we’re talking full-blown PMDD.

1. Both you and your partner should mark the time on a calendar when you expect her to be pre-menstrual. This can be hard if her cycle is not regular, but do the best you can to identify patterns. An explanation of my pattern is here, and can give you an idea of what symptoms to look for.

If your partner is in denial, and claims there’s nothing wrong with her—mark your own calendar separately. In many cases, the man can tell before the woman that she’s entering into her pre-menstrual phase, because he’s watching from the outside, while she’s busy trying to cope—either consciously or sub-consciously--with the unwanted changes going on in her brain and body.

Please note: There are women who are in complete denial that anything different is happening to them, and then there are women who know what’s happening, but “really don’t want to deal with this right now” because they are too busy to, and so they pretend nothing is happening, and they really aren’t feeling any differently, until it’s too late to do anything about it, and the episode erupts full force.

Determine which type of woman you are living with, and keep track accordingly. Apparently there are several applications available on the iPhone and Android phones to help you track her cycle, but an old-fashioned calendar will do just as well.

2. If she’s indicated that this is what she would prefer, try to stay clear of her until the episode passes. This has nothing to do with you, or her love for you. It’s simply due to her heightened sensitivity to any combination of the five senses. She literally can’t handle any more sensory input—be it bright lights, loud noises, touch of any kind, strong smells, or even certain foods. If a PMDD woman has allergies of any kind, they can be exacerbated pre-menstrually. If she has any another condition, such as arthritis, diabetes, or fibromyalgia, they can be exacerbated as well.

Even if she’s otherwise healthy, during an episode of PMDD a woman is literally is a walking bundle of nerves. Unfortunately for both of you, this heightened sensitivity and discomfort can be so distracting that it causes her an inability to focus on things like questions, requests, conversations, or simple instructions. (Now you know why she forgot to pick up your suit at the cleaners.)

Take the first one, for example: You have a question that requires more than minimal thought and consideration.
Examples would be:
Major purchases—car, appliances, maybe that boat/motorcycle/sportscar you’ve always wanted (not a good time to bring it up)
Health decisions
Financial decisions
Employment decisions
Decisions involving having or raising children
Vacation plans
Any change of routine or structure in your life

Why? Because during a PMDD episode a woman’s brain is not functioning properly. This has nothing to do with how smart or intelligent she is. This is her brain chemistry being disrupted due to the hormonal shifts taking place in her body. During a PMDD episode it can take all of her concentration simply to focus on the basics of getting through each day. If you come at her with anything resembling a major decision, it could overload her brain and cause a meltdown.

So if she asks for space during that time, please give it to her.

3. Be patient. Dealing with anybody on a short fuse can be challenging. If she snaps at you, or does something that irritates you, don't lose your temper and fight back. It won't do any good, and in most cases will only make things worse. Just (discreetly) take a deep breath, maybe say a prayer, and ignore whatever she just did that bothered you. Remember that she's not normally like this and she’ll be herself again soon.

4. Do not enable immature behavior. I’ve said all along, PMDD is an explanation, not an excuse. Being emotional does not excuse inappropriate behavior, any more than being drunk excuses offensive behavior. If she’s being immature, yelling, shouting, stomping, snapping, cursing, slamming or throwing things, don’t respond with your own immature behavior. She at least has an explanation for it—a biological explanation. What’s your excuse?

Stay calm and leave the room if you have to, until she settles down. Let her know you love her and you’ll be nearby, but you can’t have a conversation with her when she’s being irrational. Believe me, she knows she’s being irrational. But without conscious effort at awareness, she can’t stop herself any more than she could stop an allergic reaction. If you calmly point out that she’s being immature or irrational and say you’ll be happy to continue this conversation another time, things will settle down a lot more quickly than if you respond with your own emotional outburst.

5. Listen to her, even if she’s not making any sense. Try to figure out what the REAL problem is. If she’s complaining about something that’s never bothered her before, or doesn’t usually bother her, most likely what she’s saying is “I feel miserable, and there’s nothing I can do about it, so I’m looking for something else to change and hoping that will make me feel better.” This is a time of true desperation for her. She’s looking for anything, rational or irrational, that will make her feel better. This is a good time to suggest she take some time out for herself, maybe a hot bath, or a cup of tea and a good book, or whatever soothes her soul. Let her know you support her need to have a little time to pamper herself in whatever way makes her the happiest.

But beware of sending her out on a shopping spree. Retail therapy will only make things worse when the mood has passed and the bills come in.

6. Don't take it personally. During an episode of PMDD, you can count on her emotions getting the best of her, and she'll probably question your relationship. She might question you. Might question her whole life and everything she believes or stands for. This is normal and natural for a woman during an episode of PMDD. As mentioned in Number 5 above, she's feeling helpless, and sometimes when people feel helpless they look for other things they can control, and that might mean bringing up topics or suggesting changes that trigger your emotions. Your best defense against this is to stay level-headed and calmly say, "Ok, I understand." What you really understand is that you're still the same person she loved before her PMDD episode kicked in, and her change in perception of you and her life overall is the PMDD talking, not her. For more information on this, see my post It’s Not Personal – It’s Just My PMDD.

7. Be compassionate. Think about a time when stress or physical changes made you hard to get along with. Have you ever been sleep-deprived? Maybe you had an accident or were the hospital, and the chronic pain made you want to lash out at everybody. Put yourself in her shoes. Not only is she experiencing uncomfortable physical symptoms, but her hormones also ebbing and flowing, making it almost impossible for her to know how she feels or what she wants. Think of the effect testosterone has had on you, like when you get sexually aroused, or on any occasion when you felt aggression or rage. You remember how you felt caught up in the emotion, how it made you want to say and do things you ordinarily wouldn’t say or do. That’s what’s happening to her.

8. Be forgiving and reassuring. Her insecurities will definitely come up during an episode of PMDD, and with her heightened sensitivity, every negative thought she has will be magnified ten times over. If she doesn’t consciously stop the negative thoughts, they will flow through her mind in an endless loop. If you can get her to talk about them, fine. Some women won’t want to, because they know the thoughts are irrational, even while they are having them, they just don’t know how to stop them. Nobody wants to share irrational thoughts, and then remember they did so when the episode is over—even if the only one remembering them is her.

If she feels unloved and insecure, she’ll probably act out, which will make you not want to be around her, which will "confirm" her negative thoughts. Most women feel insecure about their bodies to start with, maybe even their lovemaking, child-rearing, housekeeping, or professional skills, and if they’re in any way insecure about your feelings for them, this is when that insecurity will come out. So try to give her a few extra compliments (and don’t be offended if she doesn’t believe you, or snaps at you for it), and—if she’ll let you (remember those heightened sensory sensitivities)--be more affectionate. If she won’t let you near her, don’t make her feel badly by taking it personally. Guilt is the last thing she needs when she’s feeling unlovable. Tell her you understand and you’ll be around if she changes her mind. That could well be all it takes to melt her defenses.

Take care, and good luck!

By Liana

Check out other PMDD posts by Liana at http://livingonaprayerwithpmdd.blogspot.co.uk/ 

If you would like tp join a Facebook support group for Family and Friends of PMDD, please visit: https://www.facebook.com/groups/406176079407609/  and request membership.

 

To my PMDD Sisters...

If you forget.

I want you to know that no matter what, you are loved, wanted, needed and valued.
I want you to know that no matter how bad you feel, I'll be here to hold your hand and comfort you. I want you to know I love your smile, your laugh and your tears. You represent what it is to be human, and I embrace your honesty and truth. You are unique. You are perfect... and I want you to remember that.

I want you to know that however dark things seem, however unsettled you feel, I am here for you. I want you to realise that within the darkness, great lessons can be learned, for no one walks this Earth in eternal daylight. You do not walk alone, for I am by your side. Night will always turn into day. Day will always turn into night, so lets watch the sunset together and be reminded of how beautiful life is.

Where ever there is a rift, there is a gift. Where ever there is weakness, there is deep strength. You may feel life is hard, challenging, or unfair. That you drew the short straw or were dealt a bad hand. I want you to know there is no such thing, for you are blessed with life, and life is neither black or white, good or bad, but a mixture of the two and all the colours in between.

When times feel bleak, and you are wishing you hadn't been born, remember that I would miss you. You're presence is noted and the world would not be the same without you. No one else is you, only YOU can be you, and to lose that, is to lose something that could never be replaced. You are divine. You are a Goddess. You are my best friend.

I want you to know that you are strong, and with that strength you are an inspiration to others. I want you to know that I will love you whether you are happy or sad, because both have value, and both are essential for your well being.
I want you to know that you are not a mistake, a freak, a weirdo, useless, worthless or a waste of space. You are precious, your life is precious, and I am honored to know you.

If you forget, in a moment of madness that you are all these things and more. I will be there to remind you. If you get scared, I will protect you. If you feel lost, I will find you. No one is better than you, no one has it all, so stop beating yourself up and start accepting yourself. See yourself how I see you, perfect in every way.
The way you were meant to be.

You are divine. You are a Goddess. You are unique. You are perfect.

I love you.


© Cat Stone 2012

Happy New Year!

Many blessings for 2012!

Thank you for all your support in 2011.
Wishing you all a very merry New Years Eve!

Keep on keeping on!

Cat xx

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan, 'press on' has solved, and always will solve, the problems of the human race."Calvin Coolidge

Facebook - A REALITY CHECK!!

Some thoughts on PMDD and Facebook....

So, those of you in their 30's, like me, remember the internet growing from an amazing idea that 'one day, everyone could have the internet in their own home', to what now seems to be something that's integral to everyone's day to day life.

I remember getting the internet for the first time. I was living with my husband and had just had my first child. In those days, I would email occasionally, download free screensavers and visit the odd website. Looking back, the internet then was like one of those huge shopping centres that open up. Full of potential, but only half the shops are occupied and going there feels like a waste of time.

Over the years, I have become more hooked, and have blogged on various sites, attempted to build and run websites and participated on online forums. Before Facebook, I would use chat rooms to meet new people online... The net then, was still quite a lonely place to be unless you had lots of real life friends online too.

After my marriage ended at the ripe old age of 25, I found myself tied to the house with a 3 year old. There was no company, not much of a social life, so blogging, chatting and uploading my artwork to various sites kept me busy. The internet became my friend, my outlet and 'hobby'.

Then came Facebook.

I was a late joiner and an even later user. I sat on Facebook not knowing what to do for about a year.... I found a few school friends, and it was nice to get in touch, but there was a reason you lost touch with around 90% of your school mates in the first place. You make friends at school because you are stuck there with them everyday.. they may live near you and share the same bus. It doesn't mean you will actually really get on that well, like them, or want to stay in touch for the rest of your lives. For some, revisiting the old school days can bring up painful emotions and memories you'd rather not be reminding of.

I was considering deleting my profile but then I searched for my half brother who I'd only ever met once, and I found him! It was through meeting my half brother and sister on Facebook that I became a fan. It was my window into their world, it was a way of staying in contact. I had a reason to stay on Facebook!

I've never been very good at staying in touch. The PMDD means there are a whole other bag of issues surrounding trust and friendships. And lets face it, before email and Facebook, how many letters did you write to stay in touch with people?  

How often did you use the phone to call up random people from your past? It all requires effort, and nowadays Facebook is the laziest option.

As a sufferer of PMDD, I was then faced with all sorts of new emotions to deal with.

I had experienced similar stuff before as a member of a busy online forum. Sometimes people would say horrible stuff, or delete you, and you are left with a weird mixture of emotions over someone you don't even know in the real world. On Facebook, this is even more prevalent.

PMDD does crazy things to your mind and perceptions. What 'normal' clear headed 'you' would shrug off, the PMDD'ing 'you', feels, like a stab in the heart. Someone deletes your friendship, deletes a comment, argues or even worse.. blocks you... it can cause a premenstrual mind to implode with all manner of negative feeling and thoughts.... then the paranoia and awkwardness sets in... do I ask why? Should I contact them? They must hate me.. I'm so horrible... etc

Facebook does provide a shoutbox to the world, and this is mostly, a good thing. Unfortunately though, during PMDD rages, outbursts or breakdowns, it can be a volatile place to be. Status messages, so commonly cause a whole string of issues. In the dysphoric PMDD state, you may post something really out of order, you may even know it's out of order, but, something pushes you to do it anyway.. YOU DONT CARE... it's gotta be said... I want everyone to know... whatever...

We then have to deal with comments back. In a PMDD rage, sometimes kind comments will enrage you further (depending on who they come from), negative comments will make you feel like crap, and some people (like other PMDD or depression sufferers you have in your friends list) might even encourage you to feel worse by joining in with your misery... None of which are beneficial to you calming down and riding the wave till the feeling subsides, in fact, all it does is aggravate the situations.

Before Facebook, addressing the world like this would not have even been possible!

You will cause yourself more pain and stress if you use Facebook statuses to share your woe's. How many people in your friends list really care? How many do you know in real life? How many do you actually really like and want to always keep in your life?

When I feel I am about to write something that is unnecessary, I will sit for a moment and consider what it says.. is it directed at someone? If it is, that's not fair... If it's something really negative.. do people really need to see it? All you are doing is perpetuating the feeling, or even worse, lighting a firework that might blow at any point, and probably up in your face, leaving you feeling really stupid, hurt, and guilty.

You are better off writing it all out and posting it to a support group, or direct to one of your more trusted friends. Striking up a conversation with someone, asking for help or sharing is far more productive then moaning to a crowd... of which only a few are even listening..

If you desperately want to post how bad you are feeling to the world, then have a little image search first.. find a picture that describes how you feel, a photograph, a drawing.. maybe you might find a quote that sums it up, or words from a poem. Share in it a different form. Help it evolve from raw, angry destructive emotion into something more beautiful and creative. Post a video of a song that describes the feeling...

Facebook is a great thing.. but you HAVE to look after yourselves. If Facebook becomes a source of more angst and problems, then it's time to get a reality check. If you can't use it without freaking out, getting upset, destroying relationships and friendships then take a break. 

If it causes you to spiral into negative thinking patterns about how unpopular you are, how much everyone hates you, how useless you are etc, then get the hell off the net and go take a walk, have a bath and bring your focus back to your real life, your real friends and family and well.. REALITY!!

We never had Facebook before... we never had to see what the girl who sat next to us in maths wore on her wedding day, we've never had hundreds of peoples lives there, in front of us, for us to compare to, scrutinise, and be jealous of. The fact that we let Facebook become such a source of emotion is worrying, and if you suffer with mental health problems, it can bring up a minefield of negative emotions. We have to be in control. No-one can monitor our use but us. No-one can turn off the computer for you and make you do something else instead. You have to take responsibility. If you are having a really bad time, and Facebook starts upsetting you... then recognise that, recognise that NOW is not a good time to be logged in. Take a break for a bit.. visit some other websites... move away from social interaction when you know there's a storm brewing.

I'm sure, most women with PMDD will know the feeling of hitting a friend with a statement that you know is gonna cause trouble. You have to remember that our bolts out of the blue, of our truth at that moment is usually a shock to others and they will obviously react accordingly (unless they REALLY know you). We are then left with a mess to clear up, or a ruined friendship and feelings of being a horrible human being.... The easiest way to avoid this, is to avoid Facebook at this time, at least, avoid posting negative status messages and learn some restraint and control when you want to share a negative state of feeling. Be creative!

Here's a little thought for you...

What if the plug to the internet was pulled tomorrow? What if you woke up and the net wasn't there? What if there was NO FACEBOOK?!!

Who would you share with? Who would you go to to talk with? What would you do with yourself?

It's good to spend time in real life! Facebook is a virtual reality... It has it's benefits, and can be a source of fun and entertainment, but it isnt REAL. It's a cyberworld of people, most of whom you haven't met, and full of unreal situations and stressors.

Look after yourself, don't let the PMDD ruin things just because the platform exists to do so. Switch off the laptop and go somewhere nice... visit someone local, bake, walk... create, spend your time differently when you feel crap... you can always take photo's of your journeys and creations and upload them when you feel better! I mean.. if it really did happen, if for what ever reason we lost our internet world tomorrow, what would you have? Who would you have?

It's good to keep a foot in the 'real world'. Pretend the internet doesn't exist for a day!

Pinch me

Recent happenings have left me smiling.  BIG beaming smiles.  I feel like I'm in a dream.  I cant share right now, what these things are, but believe me, I am a very, very, happy girl right now.

It's amazing what a spot of good luck can do.  This week's events have left me feeling lighter, freer, and a whole lot more positive.  My life has turned a corner.  Actually it feels like it's been going round the bend for the past two years, but now, I can see the road, straight ahead.  I've met amazing people that are still by my side, I've faced many, many challenges, and finally, it feels like I'm the one getting a helping hand, rather than being blocked in every direction.

I had lost faith, and now it has returned.  I am thankful for all the bumps I've had during my journey, as each one has offered me a deeper awareness, or it's saved me from following the wrong path.
I can look towards Christmas with happiness, as life is about to start here.. right now...

2011 is looking like it's going to be a blinding year, and for the first time in years, I actually cant wait to welcome in a new year.  I have so much I wanna do, share and achieve.

Right now, I'm not doubting, I'm not worrying, I'm not stressing, I'm just floating, knowing that this river is going in the same direction as where I'm heading, where I want be, and where I will be in 2011.

Big Love xx

Christmas is coming...

I'm beginning to dread it already.  It just makes me sad and highlights everything that I dont have, and brings up bad memories from the past.
All the adverts about parties and family... getting dressed up and going out, visiting family, fun, happiness...
Facebook is full of photo's of other people having fun.  Why dont I feel that excitement?

Feeling sorry for myself today.  I'm frustrated by my thoughts, no-one understands.  Oh.. look at all those lovely party clothes, make-up, shoes.... I dont get invited out.  I guess friends have given up asking.  Who would blame them?  I have had invites in the past, to various things, but there's been many times when I cant go.  Either moods, or fear has got in the way.  I've missed so much in the past, and it just seperates me from everyone else even more.  My social life is dead, and Christmas just rubs it in my face.

I dont have lots of family to visit, and they rarely visit me.  Some things are just too difficult.  It's hard to put my emotions aside when they make me feel physically sick, and my head cant think about much else than everything I'm missing out on.  I'm hoping this year will be better than previous ones, but how can I stop the feelings coming up.. how do I ignore them?   I cant relax at the moment, I'm stressy and moody and have an overwhelming feeling of sadness.  I'm angry with myself, frustrated, and I feel stupid.  Another weekend written off, and another one closer to Christmas.

I feel lonely.  A loner...  I never wanted my life to be like this.  I always wanted to have lots of friends, be part of something, go out and have fun, but it hasnt ended up like that, and the opportunities dont come anymore.
It's my own fault, and I do realise that, but it doesnt stop it hurting, and it doesnt stop me wishing life was a bit more exciting.  Study, kids, housework, bills, moods... and repeat, over, and over again. 

I'd happily go to sleep now and wake up at the end of February.