I am The Sun

I am The Sun.
 

I love to shine! I was born to shine.
I love to spread warmth and love to everyone.
It is my job! It's our job! I love to laugh and have fun!
It is for all of us to shine and keep each other warm,
to make colour's brighter and the spirit lighter.
 

The only thing I want to do, is provide for you,
to sustain you... give you strength and courage.
I want to experience the world in all it's glory.
We all have a light to bring to the world...
.. but I think that if we all shone at once, we would all go blind.
 

Sometimes, suffocating dark clouds obscure my view.
I cant see the bright colourful world around me.
I feel lost, I can't shine, nothing gets through cloud that thick.
Sometimes there's thunder, and lightning strikes,
Sometimes, I can hear tornadoes and crying..
But I can't see, I cant help.. I CAN'T GET OUT OF THIS CLOUD!
 

It's wet and depressing, it's cold and bleak.
If I breath too deeply I choke from the thick air.
I just want to shine, that's all I want,
It's all I know, it's my purpose. The panic sets in
and it feels like this darkness will last forever.
I am The Sun.
 

The people around me, cant see my light anymore
they are mad at me for not shining, for not making them warm,
The clouds bring the rain, which the world needs too,
to cleanse and clean and nourish the earth.
But I'm invisible, and it's not my choice... all I want to do is shine.
 

The clouds slowly pass, and I can see again.
Sometimes I see devastation, and sometimes it's not so bad,
I always fear that I will open my eyes and find no-one there,
But I am the Sun, we are all the Sun,
and all we can do is shine brighter when the clouds have gone.
 

White fluffy clouds.. now, they are OK!
I like watching them pass.. a train... a bird.. a smiling face,
I like laying on the grass and watching the sky,
its a reminder that you are alive and that is a blessing
the clouds will come and go, storms WILL hit us...
 

but I like shining down on you and watching you play,
and in your hearts you know,
I will always return after the darkness has lifted.
Don't give up on me, I will be back,
and we will all enjoy another sunny day.

 

We are all The Sun.

By Cat Stone 2011

PMDD in the news

A new story hit the papers today, about a 41 year old woman from London called Kirsty.


The women told they're mentally ill when they are really crippled by period pain
By JO WATERS

Kirsty Baranowski stood in the middle of the road hammering on a taxi driver’s windscreen. She was incandescent with rage because he’d suddenly pulled out in front of her.

The outburst was completely out of character, but for 20 years she had been battling with violent mood swings in the run-up to her period.

‘Normally, I was mild mannered,’ says Kirsty, 41, who lives in Southfields, South-West London, with her children, Alexander, ten, and Sophia, nine.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2016172/Women-told-theyre-mentally-ill-really-crippled-period-pain.html#ixzz1SZnfJ3ev

Other articles that have been in the papers are:

My story in the Local paper in 2010:
http://www.dailyecho.co.uk/news/features/living/8625883.Extreme_PMT_made_me_violent_and_suicidal/

Donna from Scotland, who's story in 2009 led me back into researching and trying out GHRH injections.. She is still an inspiration, and I hear she is doing really well!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1218328/Donna-told-stressed-cure-sex-In-fact-crippling-new-form-PMS.html

Elizabeth Freundel's story back in 2007:

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/pmdd-extreme-pms-438114.html

Mood charts and tracking symptoms

The only way to convince anyone you are suffering from cyclical symptoms is by filling in a mood chart. By noting your symptoms and severity, along with your menstrual cycle, it is easier to see patterns forming and for doctors to diagnose PMDD.
You have to be strict with yourself and make sure you do this EVERYDAY, or at the very least the morning after (for the day before), trying to be as accurate about how you felt as possible.

There are many free resources online, including printable mood charts. Printable worked for me as I filled it in in the evening and could keep it safe, or up on the kitchen cupboard door to remind me. It also means you automatically have something to show your doctor. I used the chart in the book by Diana Dell - The PMDD Phenomenom, as it gave me the option to fill in how bad things were too (by colouring 1, 2 or 3 boxes), so rather than just a yes or no, I could monitor slightly off moods to more intense, severe moods.


Dont be put off by charts that are called Bi-polar or depression mood charts. It's not the name that matters, but the information you track. Just find a chart that works for you.

You may want to try an online/interactive mood charts. Some require membership, but some are free. If you are at the computer a lot, then this might be a better way for you to record you moods each day. Obviously this means making sure you can print everything out to take to the doctors, and that you will always have access to a computer to keep it updated. I can't stress the importance of filling everything in EVERYDAY for at least 3 months. It's the best way for an outsider to know whats been going on up in there, and help you to diagnose your condition.


There is a very modern way of tracking your moods, if you happen to be the proud owner of an iPhone or Smartphone! Just search the app store for 'mood tracker', 'iPeriod' or 'period tracker' and take your pick! I have used Period Tracker (paid version), and it's very simple to use. It's hard to find a tracker that does all the things you want, but it worked pretty good for me. I now have an android phone and am using Womanlog, but there are many others, such as Ovuview, Pink Pad and My period and ovulation. Most have free downloads, I advise you trial the free version before you pay for one, just to make sure it works for you.

With so many options, we are spoilt for choice! There is definitely no excuse NOT to be tracking your moods and symptoms.... so, Get tracking!

Printable

PMS Symptom Tracker

 

PMS Relief Mood Chart 

Online

MedHelp Mood Tracker - Free

Mood Tracker - Free

NAPS Interactive Mood Chart - Free, membership required.

My Monthly Cycles - Paid subscription for good resources, Limited free account.

These links are also available from the side bar of my blog.

Got Milk? GET REAL....

An ad campaign in America by The California Milk Processor Group.  It is supposed to increase the sales of milk.. using the obviously hilarious symptoms of PMS or rather, men's suffering at the hands of their pms'ing girlfriends.

It's aimed directly at men, and claims to be using humor to raise awareness of what they call "a REAL condition that affects millions of men every month" and that "PMS places undue strain on personal and professional relationships and for several days in each cycle, men are inexplicably unable to do anything right" The campaign hopes to encourage men to get their wives and girlfriends to drink more milk, as if that will magically solve women's PMS and give them a less stressful life.  It would be more helpful if they advised them to go talk to a Doctor or health professional.

They have a website www.everythingidoiswrong.org, which gives you various 'funny' dials and gauges, like a color-coded ”global PMS level,” a “video apology enhancer” and a “mistake verification system”
The loading page shows a glass of milk, with a banner around it stating 'Milk can help the symptoms of PMS'.

On the website www.gotmilk.com the milk group claim:

A majority of women who consumed 1200 mg of calcium a day for three months reported being less irritable, weepy and depressed, and suffering from fewer backaches, and less cramping and bloating. With 300 mg of calcium per glass, milk is the perfect PMS comfort food.

The study they used to come to this conclusion can be seen here,
http://www.gotmilk.com/pdf/PMSstudy_s.pdf .  Only 55% of women reported an improvement, which means 45% didn't.  It was also shown that a THIRD of women who didn't take calcium experienced an improvement over time anyway.  To get the levels of calcium you would need to help symptoms, you would need to drink a pint of  skimmed or semi-skimmed milk every day, even more if you drink whole milk.

What they don't wish to tell you is that studies have been done regarding the health problems caused or aggravated by milk.  Some sources maintain that high dairy consumption can lead to an increased risk of PMS/PMDD.  Milk and other dairy products can contain high levels of hormones, and consumption can therefore alter hormone levels in sensitive peoples, leading to PMS/PMDD symptoms. Diets which are high in caffeine and sugar may also have this effect (there goes your white coffee or tea with 2 sugars!).

If you are a PMDD sufferer, because the symptoms are so serious and life restricting, you become obsessed with finding a solution, or finding ways to relieve the symptoms.  You will learn quickly that food plays a massive part in managing symptoms and there are foods that are better to avoid.  In a perfect world we would all eat unprocessed, fresh, natural food.  Whole food.  The milk that we buy in our current society is processed, it comes from cows that have been given hormones and antibiotics.  It is the best milk for calves, not necessarily, for humans.

Vivian Goldschmit (a graduate of New York University with a Masters of Arts degree in Nutritional Sciences and Biochemistry) creator of the website saveourbones.com, an osteoporosis community, says we have been led to believe many myths about milk and in her article here, you can read many other facts about modern day milk:

One of the first myths, she says, is that drinking milk creates healthy bones because of the calcium found in the milk. However, the animal protein found in milk actually depletes the human body of calcium, exactly the opposite of what milk drinkers expect it to do.

Nowadays, milking cows are given antibiotics and most are also injected with a genetically engineered form of bovine growth hormone (rBGH). A man-made or synthetic hormone used to artificially increase milk production, rBGH also increases blood levels of the insulin-growth factor 1 (IGF-1) in those who drink it. And higher levels of IGF-1 are linked to several cancers.

On the website www.notmilk.com, you can find information on many health problems that are caused or aggravate by milk.  On the topic of mood swings, Robert Cohen says:

Imagine starting your day with an estrogen pill, followed by progesterone, prolactin, melatonin, oxytocin, and 50+ other hormones including gastrointestinal peptides and hypothalamic hormones. 

It is no wonder that the Townsend Medical Letter noted the following in May of 1995: "In reality, cow's milk, especially processed cow's milk, has been linked to a variety of health problems, including: mucous production, hemoglobin loss, childhood diabetes, heart disease, atherosclerosis, arthritis, kidney stones, MOOD SWINGS, depression, irritability, allergies."

Can I also mention, that if you were to follow the advice given by the Got Milk Campaign, drinking non or half fat milk will actually MAKE you put on more weight!

The fat in milk actually helps curb you appetite by making you feel fuller by triggering a release of the hormone cholecystokinin.  Fats also slow the release of sugar into your bloodstream, reducing the amount that can be stored as fat.

This is a low blow to those women who suffer from PMS, or it's big ugly sister, PMDD.

To take one unsubstantial research paper and base an entire promotional campaign is crazy, let alone the BAD advice of hormonal women drinking more milk.  The 'humerous' aspect will only be appreciated by men... I'm sorry.. but if we are gonna get sexist here, who does the shopping?

Statements like,  "I'm sorry I listened to what you said, not what you meant", "I'm sorry for the things I did or didn't do" and "We can BOTH blame myself" are sarcastic, insulting and quite frankly don't help anyone.  When you step into the realms of PMDD, you will find men who a dealing with a time bomb.  Someone they love, goes to hell and back every month and often tries to drag them along.  The fact that PMS and PMDD is so misunderstood, still so taboo, means that these men, and their families suffer for years without help.  Women with PMDD go through years of trial and error using medications that haven't been created to treat PMDD... we are guinea pigs.  There isnt enough research into PMS and PMDD, there aren't enough studies or new medications being created.  There just isn't the support available to women with this condition, or their long suffering partners.

A woman with severe PMS or PMDD will have to spend a lot of time dealing with the side effects of medications, only to realise that they are never going to work.

A woman with PMDD will battle every month to 'keep it together', they will try CBT, psychotherapy, counselling,  meditation, exercise, diet, anything that may offer a way of dealing with the feelings and situations that PMDD brings.

I've not met ONE woman with PMDD who jokes about saying something awful to a loved one, or being hurtful, letting people down, or self harming.  I see these women battle everyday with a life destroying illness, I see them battle for their kids, I see them battle for their man/partner, myself included.

I would embrace an advertising campaign that raises awareness about how badly mood disorders and hormone imbalances affect the lives of many.  I would embrace something that gives an uneducated person a true and fair insight into the lives of women, kids, AND men, who live with severe PMS or PMDD.  I would embrace something that promises to raise awareness and demands more research.  

This however, is far from that.  It's nothing more than a company trying to make more money at the expense of women by promoting something that could actually worsen symptoms in a woman with PMS or PMDD.  

Got Milk have released an article about the campaign saying:

ARE YOU A MAN LIVING WITH PMS? 

GOT MILK? Comes to Relationship Rescue "During That Time of the Month"  

Are you a man living with PMS? That's the question the California Milk Processor Board (CMPB), the creator of the GOT MILK?, is asking California men this summer. In an advertising campaign titled 'Everything I Do Is Wrong,' the CMPB aims to use its signature GOT MILK? humor to highlight the strain placed on many relationships due to the monthly symptoms of premenstrual syndrome or PMS and how dairy milk can come to the rescue: studies show that the calcium in dairy milk can help reduce PMS symptoms by as much as 50 percent. Whereas most PMS-related messaging is aimed at women, the campaign's core question ("Are you a man living with PMS?") turns the tables and looks at this age-old dilemma from the point of view of the man and the couple. 

"PMS and its symptoms are sensitive issues to discuss among couples," says Steve James, executive director of the CMPB. "We hope that this campaign, through its message and humor, would empower both men and women to talk about this topic more openly and to take action by learning how to help relieve symptoms by drinking dairy milk."

"The goal of the campaign is to engage consumers, while helping users learn about the many benefits of drinking dairy milk," says Jeff Goodby, chairman of GSP. "Milk comes to the rescue and in the case of this campaign, it could very well help strengthen relationships." 

Goodby is no stranger to this topic, having had directed the first GOT MILK? PMS ad in 2005 titled 'Milk to the Rescue.' The humorous 30-second commercial was produced after studies in the Archives of Internal Medicine and in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology showed that the calcium in dairy milk can help reduce the symptoms of PMS. 'Milk to the Rescue' opens to scenes of men in grocery and convenience stores stocking up on gallons of milk. The frantic, near desperate looks on their faces are funny, but puzzling. Viewers are the then let in on the secret when a guy comes home with grocery bags full of milk and a bouquet of flowers. A full screen comes on where audiences learn how milk can make that "time-of-the-month" a little better. The ad ends with the ubiquitous tagline "GOT MILK?"

Jeff Goodby is quoted in The  NY Times as saying "We did it in the past, but the women just didn’t drink enough milk,” he says, laughing. “If they’d only drink enough, we wouldn’t come back."

No need to wonder where the sexist ideas come from then?

Living Life

It's Summer, so I find myself spending more time outside whenever possible and less time in front of the computer.. that and my laptop went for a spin off the coffee table courtesy of my dog, Ember.  I am now on a borrowed laptop that is only good for surfing!

It's halted my writing and design work, which has meant lots of time for thinking, planning and taking care of home and family business.

My partner and I are back together.  I didn't see it coming, and had no idea it would happen, but it did, and I am very happy.  Life seems pretty good again, despite to constant niggles that PMDD brings.  I feel blessed to be able to call them niggles at the moment.  Physically, I am a mess!  Constant cramps, backache, leg pain.. but mentally, I feel pretty stable.  I put that down to lots of sunshine!  and there is where I feel blessed.. physical pain is pretty bearable, compared to the emotional and mental agony that my hormones bring with them.

The PMDD Support group on Facebook has now reached maximum capacity, that is, maximum capacity for a workable, readable group.  This has meant that I have opened a new 'room' to allow new members to join and create another small, private support group.  If you have PMDD, and would like to talk to other sufferers, on Facebook, real time support, please request membership using the link below:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_244763498872960&ap=1

I hope to catch up with the articles I have promised you, the essential oil guides, and general chit chat.. but right now, I have one daughters birthday down.. and one to go.  July is a busy month for my family!

My garden is looking lovely and I am spending lots of time out there... I have lots of pictures, but I'll share one of my favorites..

Sometimes, it is really nice to leave the computer and get outside.. I walked 4 miles today, in glorious sunshine!  Feels good :)

Changes

My apologies for not posting in such a long time.  Sometimes, life takes over and demands your attention.  I would like to share with you the Tarot Cards I pulled today for myself.
I think this will explain why I haven't updated in a while...

Tarot reading 19/5/2011

Two of Cups

The card of relationships, of love, emotions...

Ironically, my relationship of just over 2 years has ended. Is this card here just to slap me in the face, or make me doubt our decision?

We couldn't go on any longer as we were. I was becoming more ill again, and he was rapidly falling out of love, lust and patience with me.

It happened well over a week ago, but I am still devastated. My dreams, my future had all been there in my head. The stability having a relationship can offer, the support from my man, the hope of a happy future, settled.. loving...

Only, the truth is, as I have come to understand it after buckets of tears, is that, we never really had a lasting love. I put blocks in the way, the PMDD makes things difficult for everyone around me, and I wanted him to be with me more than anything else in the world. I was too needy.

He, on the other hand, has very few needs, and most of them can be met with money. I became a burden and I always felt like an embarresment to him.

So the Two of Cups tells me, that I never had that love. I thought I had, but I didn't.

'Depth of love is reflected in the quality of the relationship.' If that is the case, ours wasn't hugely deep. Me as a fish (Pisces, water), couldn't expect a bird (Gemini, air) to be able to come down to the depths of my emotions, to experience what I feel, or even begin to understand how deep my feelings go.

I could not wander through life, carefree and responsibility free, without thinking deeply about anything. Avoiding commitment and troubles.

'The success of a relationship depends in great part on how we see ourselves reflected in the eyes of our loved ones.' I can now tell what I saw in his eyes. Sadness that I wasn't the woman he met, or the woman he wanted. I saw failure, and I felt his desire to break free, to become SOLO.

In a short space of time, he went from the man of my dreams to the type of man I would avoid.

I want to see in my lovers eyes, unconditional love, a sharing of pain and emotion, someone who will embrace me and hold me when I fall apart, and someone who wants to see me succeed. I want someone who shares my values and need to have a strong home, to provide support and nurture my children. Most of all, I just want someone who understands all my faults, but loves me anyway.

The Two of Cups, makes me realise that I was in love with a fantasy that I had created, and I could no longer avoid the reality of where we had ended up. I have been so tired of feeling unloved, unworthy and a burden. I have no doubt that a relationship is what I want. I want a partner in my life, I don't want to be on my own for the rest of my days, but I will be very careful before falling in 'love' again. I have a tendency to be pretty gullible.

Love thyself... Know thyself...

The 2 on this card represents Me and My reflection. That's all I have now.

The Fool

I said last week, I felt like the Fool. That I should be excited about a new cycle of my life starting, that I should be feeling like the world is at my feet, but all I could feel was sadness, was a longing for none of it to have happened, and a wish I could just be with him again, that he would hug me and love me and cheer me up. The Two of Cups has reminded me, that I didn't have that anyway, not really. That his actions have not been of someone who loves me unconditionally, or even actions of someone who wants me, really wants me in his life. Since we broke up, he has become someone I don't even know. His actions and attitude is not something I would ever have been attracted to.. I am left wondering who it was I loved? Who have I just spent 2 years with?

Today, after a couple of days of crying and crying.. the kind of feeling that just hits you when you are washing up or doing something else. A wave of deep deep pain and sadness.. grief, for my loss, for the man I thought was my one and only.. a man who made me believe in love again, Today, as I draw The Fool, I realise that a new phase is beginning, that maybe, just maybe, being with him would have meant I'd miss my chance at whatever it is that is round the corner.

The Universe knows better than me, and it obviously has bigger plans for me, then settling for someone who doesn't really love me or want a relationship. I do deserve better. If I am ever going to accept and love myself, I have to know that I deserve better than being dismissed and made to feel unimportant to someone.

Today, I welcome The Fool, and hope that I will soon begin to feel the excitement of a new beginning. Trying to keep faith and trust the Universe is going to give me what I need.

The world is at my feet. I need to step out into the Great Unknown. I need to believe in myself. Now, more than ever.

Strength

Another major card. I'm hoping Strength is here to give me just that. Strength to get through all this emotional pain, strength to cope alone with my illness and kids and everything else I control in my life. I have to find courage, I have to find control.

I also need to get some dignity again. I have lived for long enough believing that everything that goes wrong is my fault. That I am not good enough, not worthy. No wonder I have lost all my confidence. The Strength card will bring it back. Being strong and getting through this is the ONLY option. There is a whole world out there.. I experience falling apart every month with my disorder, I get through. I deal with suicidal feelings over my life and my disorder, yet I have not yet gone through with it. I recognise it as a feeling and feelings pass. I am not going to let this ruin me.

I have tried to be the better person, to be respectful and come from a place of love, but again, it is not returned, everything is so one sided, and I am accepting defeat, gracefully, and walking away.

My heart will heal, life will move on. I will forget, and a new life will begin.

This is my chance to be at one with the Universe, with the energies. No distractions, no diversions, just Me.. and the Universe... It is here I will find strength.

PMDD Crisis Guide - The Mental Realm of PMDD

Apologies for the length of time it's taken to get this blog up... Life has been pretty hectic (as usual)
Hope this helps you in some way...

You can find the Introduction here.. and the Physical Realm here.

The Mental Realm

This realm is where you will find your thoughts, and inevitably, the things you say. Over time this realm is programmed with reactions and responses to things that you are told, or things that happen around you. This realm for a PMDD sufferer is usually very chaotic.

During the hormonal changes in a woman's cycle, her body will undergo changes and present physical problems. These are a little easier to deal with than the changes that go on in the mind during this time.

This is probably best represented by the term, 'mood swings' although that would suggest the problem is just an emotional one. It isn't. The chemical changes in the body actually create false moods, which often bring about 'false thinking'.

A PMDD sufferer will experience random thoughts, seemingly crazy thoughts during their 'bad' time of the month. Thinking outwardly becomes impossible. Seeing the bigger picture seems impossible. All thoughts become inward and bad memories surface. Reactions to what people say, can trigger a negative spiral of thinking that can be overwhelming.

For me, it's like a constant battle in my head. I KNOW how I would normally react, what I would normally think, but during that time, things are not normal. I begin thinking I'm the worst person in the world, that my kids would be better off without me. I think about my past and all the painful things that have happened. I think people should leave me alone, not bother with me.. I lose all my self esteem and belief. All the things that normally get me through no longer work... The clothes I wore last week don't look right, even though it's the exact same outfit. I look in the mirror and see something completely different. This change in perception is quite common in all women who suffer from PMS, but when it means you don't leave the house because you have tried on 10 outfits, are full of tears, anxious, stressed out and frustrated, you know you are suffering from something worse.

My thoughts spiral out of control during my PMDD time, but I am learning to control them. Realising that your thoughts are not really your truth, takes time to happen. I often say... 'In my good head, I know this is true... but right now, I think that blah negative blah' I can recognise what I would think if I were in a good week, and what I am actually thinking. Dealing with the emotions that these bad thoughts bring up is harder than trying to control the thoughts, but keeping your thoughts in check goes a long way to steering a breakdown off course.

After talking to many women who have PMDD, it is obvious that they all feel like 'Jekyll and Hyde'. In fact, you will find that term used quite often when describing PMDD.

A woman with PMDD will find herself thinking about abandoning her kids, and how she'd do it, and how she'd get away.   Or leaving family, friends or job.  She may think the answer is suicide and spend many hours debating suicide, going through plans or writing her note to leave behind. She may think about drinking till she sleeps, or hurting herself. Her thoughts will turn to guilt, and she'll sit and think about all the damage she has done to her family or friendships, how lonely she is, how no one will ever understand. I know this to be true because I have done all these things, on repeat... for years. These thoughts are what drive people to harm themselves, along with the negative emotions, and it's why it is important to try and get these thoughts under control.

What also changes at this time of the month is the way you speak. This is governed by your feelings, and the things that are going on in your head. A chilled out, mild manner woman, will turn into a screaming, shouting, crazy, scary beast. You think I'm joking? This is one area the most damage can be done to your family and friends. The things you say. I would bet that every woman with PMDD has had an episode, and when the storm has died down, has had to think about what she has said to the people she loves. Nasty, spiteful, bitchy, outrageous things. Stuff you would never let leave your mouth. Goddess forbid you argue or fight with a PMDD woman having a bad episode.... Sanity has left the room. Like a caged animal, you want to fight. You are feeling so tired, so low, frustrated, wired, scared, you want to die, you don't care what happens. In you head, your mind is telling you you are terrible, shameful, worthless, then it tells you you will never get away from this nightmare, you will have to do this till the day you die. You worry about every aspect of your life. Will my partner stay with me? What if I hurt my kids? How can I keep doing this? I'm tired... oh so tired... I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.... What will happen if I just walk out the front door now. Mind is on OVERDRIVE.

There is a great lyric, by one of my favourite 'bands'.

How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood, And then just be.. in.. a good mood?

Dan le Sac vs Scroobious Pip - Waiting for the beat to kick in.

Ha.. yes, it's a man talking, and he has never experienced PMDD, but sometimes, you do HAVE to just decide to have a better day! FOCUS on having a better day. Focus on other things other than the thoughts.

Writing or creative outlets can help focus the mind on other things. Baking a cake, going for a walk, going to the library. Having a job can be a great focus... Distraction, distraction, distraction.

If you cant work, volunteer.. or use your time more wisely.   It is too easy to let yourself dwell on the past, and mistake hormonal thoughts for the truth. It's easy to let yourself spiral. It's much harder to find the strength to change your thoughts.

Some days, it is too hard to get out of the spiral. Some days, you just CAN'T. So what do you do?

Allow the thoughts to come, acknowledge them, then let them go. It's holding on almost compulsively to negative thoughts that feeds the downward spiral. You can even start talking to yourself (assuming you don't already!) and by that I mean...

'Oh hello, negative thought... what was that? I am crap mother?'

'Yes.. you are the worst mother ever, look at you, you hardly take the kids out anywhere, and most the time you are so caught up in your selfish head, You are so selfish. You slept the whole day away and someone else looked after your kids... '

Now this can go two ways.... You can either agree, or totally kick it's ass.

'So, you think I'm a bad Mum? Who else cooks for the kids and washes their clothes? Who else finds things to do on a shoe-string? Who else creates a tea party in the garden, with 5 mins notice? I have seen my kids through everything, to the best of my ability... I love them, I put 100% in when I can, and when I can't, I may sleep, or be a bit distant, but isn't that better than screaming and shouting at them. I am not a bad Mum, and will not accept that. Next?

'You dont have a life.. you sit on your fat arse all day, and never go out. What career have you got? People think you are a sponger, you drain everyone. Your friends never ask you out, cos you never go. You might as well be dead'

(Are you going to take that?)

'Of course I have a life! I'm here aren't I? I have this and that, and am planning on doing lots of things in the future. Just because things have been difficult, doesn't mean I will always be like this. I do have friends! And the ones that don't bother with me, aren't worth worrying about. I'm happier with a few close friends, doesnt mean I'm not liked. I give what I can to others, when I can, so, NO, I dont accept that, today I'm feeling vulnerable and a bit depressed, but thats today. Not tomorrow.. or forever...'

Don't commit the future by how you are thinking or feeling on a bad day.

If you can learn to remain calm, and blow up every negative with a missile of positive you will soon feel stronger and more in control.

We often feel we need outside help, but there is much that can be done by you, by just changing your thoughts.

If you feel you would like more professional help with your thoughts, I would recommend looking into CBT – Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, which helps you to define your thinking patterns so you can begin to change them, and NLP – Neuro Linguistic Programming, which helps you learn about your own ways of communicating and has an excellent way of re-shaping the way you perceive yourself, others and your thoughts and words..

We only use about 20% of our brains, and unfortunately, with PMDD sufferers, we have created such strong neural pathways, that we really do end up in one cycle of thinking. The connections our brain first started making years ago, that created the chemical imbalance, have become stronger and stronger. The more you sit back and allow it to happen, the more the brain feeds off the same thinking patterns. By attempting to break the cycle of negative thinking, you can start re-training your thoughts to support you, be your friend, rather than be your enemy.

Be careful of your thoughts, for your thought become your words.

Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions.

Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits.

Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character.

Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny.

Author unknown

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction." A Einstein

Next realm... The stormy seas of emotion!